(Closed) Looking for Advice – Marital Rape and Affair – But I want to make it work!

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 82
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I have not read the comments.  Please, please do not go back to this man.  He is a rapist, and abusive, and he will mistreat you again.  Marital Rape is a crime.  Just because you are married, it is not ok for him to force himself on you.  Please get yourself into therapy.  Best of luck.  

Post # 83
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee

 You’re horrible, jannigirl.

Post # 84
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

FYI, I specifically remember Jannigirl blaming what happened to the poster of the Hawaii thread on her drinking the night of the wedding

(the poster blacked out on her wedding night and woke up covered in blood with multiple face fractures and her new husband said she fell off the bed, then downplayed her injuries to questioning family. Op was told in the er of multiple face fractures and her new husband said it wasn’t that bad. She also had to beg him to take her to the hospital)

Jannigirl blamed what happened on alcohol, said you could fracture your face in multiple places when rolling off the bed, and told her to not drink so much.

So, yeah. Victim blaming is kind of her thing.

Post # 85
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee

Victim blaming is bad, but how does bullying make anything better?

Post # 86
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

BalletParker :  Truth!  Thank you! 

“I, and apparently many PP, am sick of your cruelty to women”. 

Put me on the list of people sick of her cruelty.  I have wondered in fact, why she is allowed to do what she does.  Constantly insulting and belittling and when she’s not doing that she’s baiting.  She renders entire threads untenable.  Threads that are garden variety topics and serious topics alike with helpful dialogue until she shows up and throws a Molotov cocktail at it.  

Post # 87
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

kristin36890 :  Calling someone out on harmful, sexist, and all around problematic behavior is not bullying.

Post # 88
Member
8379 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

jannigirl :  Stop gaslighting everyone on this forum. Go away, Janni. The only bully is you!

Post # 89
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Chateau Lake Louise

BalletParker :  Testify

 

jannigirl :  I want to ask you an earnest question: do you genuinely feel your input is helpful to anyone? Do you sincerely believe that questioning the veracity of a claim of rape is productive or courageous? 

Because, I have to say, I find that hard to believe.

You have every right to express your beliefs here, just as the rest of us do. I would say, on the whole, I am able to accept that most people who are commenting in response to OPs on this board, are well-meaning, and intend their contributions as helpful. Even if they are harsh, or call the OP out on inconsistencies, there is still a clear intention of helping the OP resolve whatever question or conflict they are facing.

Meanwhile, your input comes across as exceptionally mean spirited. The tone of your posts seem primarily meant to draw attention to what you believe to be your own superior position – both economically and by implication, morally. That you suffer PTSD and were the victim of a violent attack are terrible truths, but you wield this information like a weapon to justify what can at time only be described as open cruelty.

So, you are allowed to believe you are wise, and even to state as much here. But I have to wonder if you truly, authentically believe the things you say are helpful, or if instead you are serving some other ends.

Post # 90
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

BalletParker :  Thank you for FINALLY speaking up about jannigirl’s behavior on Weddingbee! 

Post # 91
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

jannigirl :  I guess your religious beliefs don’t, in fact, hold compassion as the highest virtue. 

A characteristic of wisdom is to consider alternative perspectives–not necessarily to take them on, but to consider them. You rarely do that in these forums, and you certainly haven’t done so here. You’ve gone too far this time–refusing to even consider the possibility that OP’s story is true–and you’re being called out on it. 

Post # 92
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

megkate87 :  I don’t think cheating is worse than rape in most instances. Just the one she described. She says she told him she wasn’t coming home, then after he found the cheating and abortion info on her computer she now wants to work it out because as she says they’ve both hurt each other now… an eye for an eye is not how any marriage works. And sorry but I don’t think any new marriage can be healthy when one person is refusing sex… and she was refusing sex because her husband blamed her of cheating in the first place with a guy from the office… who she did end up cheating with so his accusations weren’t to off. 

You can say what’s the point in lying on an anon thread, but her story seems to have many inconsistencies to me and I’m wondering if she’s not just a troll looking for reactions as she hasn’t responded even once with all the support almost everyone has given her on here. 

I’m not a rape apologist. I’m not saying marital rape is okay. No rape is okay in any form. But the word rape gets a strong reaction out of people and I wonder if that’s what she came here looking for. Please don’t try to say I’m a horrendous person or a sociopath when you don’t even know me. I show more compassion and empathy in my day-to-day life than any post on a thread could possibly equate. Saying nice things online doesn’t make you a good person. Being a good person IRL does. 

glimmeringpink96 : 

Post # 93
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

travelingbee3 :  You literally think that her cheating (after he raped her) is worse than him raping her? Are you out of your mind?

Post # 94
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This may have already been said, but the only thing you should want to do with your husband is punch him in the fucking throat 

Post # 95
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

travelingbee3 :  But so what if it is a made up story?  Compare the risk in offering comfort and support to a fiction to the risk in casting doubt on a victim in need.  

If you see a title and read a post and feel like you’re not so sure someone isn’t just trying stir a reaction and you don’t want to be played a fool for helping a possible imposter then just skip it.  Don’t take part in the thread! 

There is zero gain from coming on and doubting her story.  None.  The only possible outcome is damage. 

Post # 96
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

jannigirl :  You expect everyone to believe that you, the consistently cynical, conservative, anti-choice judgemental owl we’ve all come to know through our years on WB, were simply “just asking” (ya know, for science) if her pregnancy and subseqent abortion came as a result of her affair? Janni, please. We know you better than that.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

The topic ‘Looking for Advice – Marital Rape and Affair – But I want to make it work!’ is closed to new replies.

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