(Closed) Looking for bridal advice on how to deal with mother of the bride about makeup

posted 8 months ago in Beauty
Post # 2
Member
6707 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I’m missing something here. Why is your mum involved in your makeup trials? And if they don’t want their makeup done that’s fine, but they have no say in how you do yours. Work independently with your MUA to determine the look you want and don’t invite your mum. She will think you are gorgeous on your wedding day regardless. 

Post # 3
Member
3764 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Is your mom paying for the makeup artist or something? I don’t understand why she is getting such a say in how you wear your makeup.

Post # 5
Member
3764 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Any time she starts offering unsolicited advice just tell her you appreciate her opinion, but you’ve made up your mind..and then change the subject. She can still be involved without giving her opinion on every tiny detail.

Post # 6
Member
6707 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Then don’t involve her in the next trial. Simple. Honestly, a makeup trial isn’t usually something to involve other people in anyway. If she asks about makeup again, just tell her you got it figured out and are all sorted. 

Post # 7
Member
6650 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

mjgranger2019 :  you are getting married. It’s literally a ritual about beginning your adult life, individuated from your mom. Your mother has shared her opinion, you’ve heard it, she doesn’t need to share it anymore. Do what you want. And let her know you’ve heard her but you don’t want her opinion anymore. The discussion is over. Get input from others if you’re really still unsure. But if you know you like your look and you are the one paying for it and you feel comfortable with the make up artist you’ve chosen, who cares what your mom thinks?

Post # 8
Member
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to choose your makeup look without your mother’s approval. I can understand trying to involve her in some of the wedding planning, but for me the line in the sand would not include needing my Mom’s approval for makeup.

It washes off.

Almost all of us will have a different taste in makeup in 20 years than we do now, but our wedding pictures reflect who we are at the time.

Post # 9
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee

You have gotten some excellent advice so far, so ditto to all of the above.

Some additional words of advice that will help you have a less stressful life:  Stop being a people pleaser.

Post # 10
Member
8958 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

mjgranger2019 : “I told my mom that we can work with my makeup artist to figure out a look that she likes” — Do you mean that this artist is also doing your mom’s makeup, or are you talking about your own makeup? If it’s your mom’s makeup, let her get her own artist that she’s comfortable with. If you mean yours, your mom does not have to like your makeup. Especially if she’s not paying for it. It’s silly of her to think she needs to approve her grown adult daughter’s wedding-day makeup.

This doesn’t have to be a problem any more. Tell your mom thanks for her opinion, you’ll take it under consideration. Then don’t mention makeup to her again. Definitely do not invite her to any additional trials you have. Don’t send her pics, just don’t mention it at all. There’s no reason to. If she asks if you’re looking for a new makeup artist or anything related, tell her you’re sticking with this one because you’ve talked with her about it and you’re confident that she understands what you’re going for. If your mom keeps harping, use the broken record on her. That’s where you just keep repeating the same simple phrase in the same monotone no matter what she says or asks. 

  • Her: How do you know she’ll do better next time?
  • You: I’m sticking with this artist.
  • Her: But why? She made you look like a clown!
  • You: I’m sticking with this artist.
  • Her: Did you check out the portfolio of that other one I sent you?
  • You: I’m sticking with this artist.
  • Her: I don’t understand why, she doesn’t know what she’s doing! Everyone agrees, you looked ridiculous.
  • You: I’m sticking with this artist. 
  • Her: Is that all you can say? Don’t you want to look nice on your wedding day?
  • You: I’m sticking with this artist.
  • Her: Fine, I guess you’re sticking with that artist.
Post # 11
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Bee you are making yourself stressed out. Tell your mom thank you for your opinion but you are sticking with your makeup artist. Do yourself a favor and don’t bring her to the next trial. It’s your face and your wedding. You do what you feel is right. And I wouldn’t bring her to your hair appt either!!!!

Post # 12
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

If you like it, thats all that matters.  Lots of good advice above.   My only caveat would be, do you have any honest friends that also like or appreciate a glam makeup look that you could ask to both see you in person and in a photo after your next trial?    I personally like a second opinion because sometimes we are swept away in the minute and do not see the whole picture.   Example:   one of my daughters had her hair upswept for an event and the makeup artist didn’t do anything about behind her ears.    Also, in photos she had some flashback.

Post # 13
Member
4734 posts
Honey bee

So exactly who was pleased by your mom attending your make-up trial?

Your mom who hated your makeup and felt the need to open her yap about something she’s not paying for?

Or you, who is now stressed out about it writing to strangers about what to do and changing your make-up despite the fact that you actually loved it?

When no one walks away pleased or the decision makes you unhappy instead of you deriving pleasure from making the other person happy, that’s just called being a doormat, not a “people pleaser”.

Consider it your first lesson in independence.  Be confident in your choices and stop assuming that people need to be involved in every detail.  Not everything has to be a cutesy bonding moment, nor does every little thing require the input of others.  Your makeup in no way affects her life.  She does not need to be a participant in any step of that process.

Also, don’t ask questions if you’re not prepared for every possible answer or invite people when all you want is validation that your choices are stellar.  People will have different opinions than you and they will make them known.

Post # 14
Member
12651 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Who you use for yourself is up to you. It is worth considering whether this MUA is capable of doing a different look, since you’d ask her to modify. Not all of them are, especially if they are known for a particular style. 

Your mother does not have to use your makeup artist and should not be expected to. 

Post # 15
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’d love to see a pic of the makeup trial?

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