Looking for clarity.

posted 4 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 92
618 posts
Busy bee

beeyou10 :  Heck yes! You did make it happen quickly, that’s amazing. You’re going to feel so much better once you’re on the other side of this mess! 

My divorce was finalized three years ago, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I went through the same things as you— sadness every so often, but there was a sense of relief and excitement at being able to be my own person and embark on my own journey to develop my professional and personal life. 

I think so much depends on personality, and lawyers… well… we’re strong personalities in general. If those personalities don’t mesh, that will inevitably lead to conflict. In my case, my ex wanted me to be the perfect housewife while working the same hours he did… and he would come home to play video games. Unfortunately, he would also criticize everything I did, from how I loaded the dishwasher, to the speed at which I did laundry, to the things I was eating. I was walking on eggshells. If a man wants a housewife, a woman with a career in law is probably not a good choice. If a man wants a compliant woman who will go along with his demands, someone with as much personality and as many opinions as me is NOT a good choice at alllll. I filed for divorce after I couldn’t take another moment of him gaslighting me. “We wouldn’t have to have these talks if you would just listen to me about how I want my clean laundry arranged in my closet!” and “I’m not doing counseling. The only problem we have in our marriage is that you’ve fabricated some problem with me.” 

Seriously, as a career-driven and financially independent woman, there is no call for anything less than an equal partnership. My SO is an accountant, also a strong personality and very driven, but he and I are true equals. We will mutually build a life together, because we respect each other and have no delusions as to how things “should” be. 

Post # 95
361 posts
Helper bee

beeyou10 :  Your therapist sounds kickass. I’m so glad you have that support as you go through this!

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