- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
As hard as this may be to accept, I think it’s pretty fair to say that this guy does NOT care about hurting you.
Reading back through the thread, I notice he made a comment about how hard it would be for him to date if anyone knew about his 8 month marriage. Deleting you from IG is one way for him to shape his narrative in a light much more favorable to himself. He’s paving the way to make it easier to lie to anyone he wants to date.
He can lie about how long you were together, he can pretend you were withdrawn and unsupportive. Crucially, he can lie about how long it’s been since you split up. Given that his mind immediately went to his post-breakup dating prospects, I’d lay money he’s already out there trying. Either online or in-person, he’s acting single. To his mind, he’s entitled to do whatever he wants now, including create the story he shares with everyone going forward; that you are unreasonable, cruel, and of course, crazy.
Erasing you is just one more symptom of his pathologically selfish worldview. Since you aren’t compliant anymore, you are an obstacle to his pleasure. This is basically the worst sin you can commit, so of course he wants to take that power away from you any way he can.
You just have to remember, none of this is about you. Everything he does, thinks, says are for his own benefit.
It’s natural to be hurt when someone you have loved and devoted so much time and energy to acts like you never mattered – or existed. All that said, he kind of acted that way while you were together too. The difference now is that you can take all your love and care and focus it on yourself. You can free yourself from his manipulation and cruelty. All you are really losing is an emotional anchor.
When you are so used to that pain, it’s easy to feel lost and confused once it’s gone. You’ve been compensating for his added weight for so long, you barely know how it feels to be without it. It’s like wearing weighted boots for years, and then trying to walk normally once they are off; at first you take big exaggerated steps. I promise, as hard and weird as everything feels right now, you will learn to adapt and embrace your freedom.
You are an incredibly strong person. You have acted as an advocate for yourself, and made the best choice for your own future. He’s angry at you for all of that. That’s how you know you’re doing it right.
Good on you.