Post # 1
im having a little bit of a problem.
recently ive found out my fiancee has been looking at escort websites. now it doesnt bother me one bit if he looks at porn, but what does bother me is that he is going on escort websites for woman that are bascially “down the street”. when i confronted him about it he said he was sorry and that he understands why i would be upset, and he said he felt disguisting when he was looking at those diffrent woman. i let it go because marriage and love is about forgiveness and working through the hardtimes.
my fiancee has facebook. and i opened my account back in novemeber of 2010, and i added him to accept me as his fiancee(but first he would have to add me as his friend). he said that he has forgotten his password, and cant log in. fine, it doesnt bother me because he cant log in,, i let it go. last december i saw that he commented on one of his friends pictures, but i didnt say anything because i thought he probably logged in and out quickly an didnt have time to accept my request. but today i found him writing on one of his friends wall, and it was a few weeks ago that he did so. i texted him nicely and said to him what i saw and asked why he wouldnt add me, because now it looks like he has something to hide. he hasnt gotten back to me yet (in his defense his job is very demanding and cant be on his phone).
my questions is bees, am i being silly? because truthfully these issues dont seem to be a big deal(espically the FB one, i feel pathetic for even saying anything)
should i just let it go? or get him to explain?
P.S a little backround on me and my fiancee we have been dating for 6 years, got engaged in july, and just purchased a new home. i love him so much, and im willing to work through anything.
any advice would be apperciated and thank you in advance.
Post # 3
Everyone has different levels of privacy within their relationship, but I would be upset if my boyfriend/ FI/ husband didn’t “friend” me. Some couples share the page itself.
Both issues together add up to y’all needing better communication, but maybe not to anything more than that.
Post # 4
I don’t know how facebook works, but maybe after a certain time, you have to resend a friend request or something? I don’t really think that’s a huge deal, but then, I don’t facebook.
The escort thing, though… at first I said to myself, “Oh, maybe he’s looking for a bachelor party or something,” but that’s clearly not the case. (At least he didn’t lie about it.) That would bother me a lot.
I think you really need to have a serious talk about these things. It might just be that he’s confused, and that keeping his facebook to himself and looking at these other women isn’t about infidelity so much as he’s feeling subsumed by coupledom. Or he could be a lying whoremonger. But you won’t know until you talk about it.
Post # 5
He has something to hide , and might be cheating on you , this is not normal. IMO
Post # 6
I would be FURIOUS. I don’t think you are being silly or pathetic. If My Fiance wouldn’t add me to fb I would believe he had something to hide.
Porn is one thing, escorts……………
If I were you I would have a talk with him. A long serious talk. I wouldn’t ignore it. Communication is key for a helathy relationship. And if you ignore issues one day they will come back to bite you. And when they come back it is always worse than if you had just dealt with it in the first place.
Also: He may just feel that his facebook is something that he shares with the guys and doesn’t want you to invade his “man space”… But still he should just come out and say it. And personally even then I wouldn’t let it slide. I am a bit of a drama queen when it comes to this stuff. To me he shouldn’t care if I am on his face book. And if he did in the slightest I would raise some hell. I have been cheated on before and now I am uber cautious and a little over bearing…
Post # 7
@unknow123: Honestly I think the facebook thing is not a good sign personally. I dated a guy a while ago and found out he had blocked me from IM, had a ‘myspace’ page (obviously this was pre-facebook) and never told me. Then after we broke up I found he had just been cutting me out of a lot of his life!
And the escort thing is just kind of odd…
But as PP said, maybe he just likes FB to be a guy thing….everyone is different.
Post # 8
@CanadianMermaid: that was my thought too, Op this is not normal at all and please dont let it go until you get all the information you need. You deserve to get as much info as you can so you can decide what you want to do
Post # 9
What is the difference between looking at porn and looking at the website of women down the road? They aren’t you and he is potentially getting pleasure from them.
I think you should open up the lines of communication more with him. Let him know about facebook and what your needs are to feel valued in the relationship.
Post # 10
there are a LOT of red flags here. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is SO easy to add you as a FB friend, which is what makes it feel like such a big deal to me. If he lost his password, he probbaly could have retrieved it in under 5 minutes.
Something is way off.
Post # 11
Maybe it’s just the fear of coming off as “attached”, but if I were you I’d talk to him immdiately about it, and tell him that it bothers you. You guys are ENGAGED to be MARRIED. It’s not a fly-by-night sort of relationship that you don’t let people know about. It’s the real thing, and a legal thing. I agree about the porn thing… but the escort thing is really disturbing. It’s like saying “hey! Here I am! Wanna meet!”. I know it’s tough to hear, and I’m so so sorry you’re going through this, but the internet is the easiest way to “cheat” without “cheating”. He doesn’t have to physically be in contact with these other people, but is still “browsing”. He has you, he doesn’t need to browse!
Post # 12
The escort thing is just…bizarre. And not okay. I don’t understand why someone would go on an escort site if they weren’t looking into getting one. Porn is porn…it’s just visual. Escorts are even worse than going to a strip club…
As for the facebook thing, it sounds like he has something to hide. My ex had a myspace that was his “normal” one and then he had one that he pretty much flirted with girls on and had another girlfriend on. Strangely, he added one of our mutual friends on the flirty one after we broke up and she showed it to me, confirming that he’d been cheating on me for more than half our relationship.
Post # 13
I agree that he’s hiding something…
Post # 14
Looking at porn – no big deal – Looking at escorts? YEAH…. Im sorry hun, I don’t buy his excuse. If he was just “looking”, why escorts and not regular porn? And if he “felt disgusting” why is it websites instead of website?
Without getting yourself in a really bad situation, is there a way you can check his phone or bank statements for any proof that he may have actually paid an escort? I don’t normally advocate spying, but that behavior is bizarre and his explanation would not be enough for me to feel OK about marrying him…
The facebook thing by itself wouldn’t bother me, but combined with the escort thing, I totally understand the way you’re feeling.
Post # 15
Something is not right…..
Post # 16
He’s looking at escort services?!! That is NOT normal, it is NOT like looking at porn. IMO it is practically like catching him picking up a prostitute. Definitely not ok and super sketchy, especially coupled with his facebook activity.