Post # 1
For a little background, my partner and I aren’t engaged yet although he knows when he is going to propose (I don’t want to know) and we chat openly about possible wedding plans and our likes/dislikes. My partner is Australian and I am Canadian.
Whenever we chat about our future wedding I get a little down and that is because my sister in law is unable to travel. Her and my brother (and their two kids) live in another province to where the rest of my family is and somewhere that I have no connection to and no desire to have a wedding. Part of me would feel really bad for her to not be able to attend and part of me says well it’s our wedding so we should have what we want, but I want to be a considerate person and not hurt her or my brother’s feelings.
We’ve talked about eloping and having two parties/receptions (one in Canada and one in Australia) to invite guests to, but my partner really wants to have his family and close friends at the ceremony so that idea is out.
The possibility of having two small weddings, one in each country, is on the table but that still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to get married where my brother and family lives.
So I guess I just want to know what you would do if you were in my situation. Would you be considerate and have the wedding in the city where they live so she could attend? Or would you just have the wedding where you wanted? Or is there some option or idea I haven’t thought of yet….I’d love to hear!
Thanks for listening and replies are much appreciated!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
No, once you start planning around other people it turns into a slippery slope. I’d get married where you want to. Ultimately it’s your wedding. It’d be different if the place they all live is where you’re from and you had connections to it – but if not, you shouldn’t have to get married there just because they live there. If they’re reasonable folks, they’ll understand 🙂
Post # 4
Is it really impossible for her to travel? I have an aunt who is a quadraplegic and she travels the world.
If it’s really impossible, I would have her skype into the wedding.
As the pp said, you can’t make all your plans around one person. What if someone else can’t get the time off to travel and wants the wedding where they live?
Post # 5
@lolot: Thanks for your reply and I agree about planning around other people. But the whole idea of having two weddings to to accommodate both families and sets of friends. Maybe that’s where we have to draw the line. I guess I’m also worried about feeling bad/guilty if I do have it where I want and she can’t attend. They are understanding people though.
Post # 6
@julies1949: it’s probably not impossible but it would make her very sick and I wouldn’t be ok with that. She can only travel for a max of about an hour in the car. I don’t want to go into too much detail about her condition though. Thanks for your reply 🙂
Post # 7
In a sense this doesn’t sound too dissimilar to the situation with a very elderly relative, and I’m thinking of my (now deceased) grandmother and my brother’s wedding. Elderly grandmother lived interstate and could not travel for my brother’s wedding. But it would have been crazy to travel to her state, because my brother had only a small connection there, and his fiancee had none. So they had the wedding where they lived, grandma sent her regrets, and some time after the wedding (a few months I think) my brother and his wife made the trip and visited her.
So I suggest you do something similar: have the wedding where it is most convenient. Perhaps your brother can travel without his wife, perhaps he can’t. Either way, visit your brother and his family soon after. As in my brother’s case, it makes no sense to move the wedding for the sake of one guest.
Post # 8
@paula1248: Thanks so much! I really love your idea of going to visit very shortly after the wedding. Maybe even have a celebration dinner out at a fancy restaurant. I suspect my brother would go without her. He’s travelling to my hometown with his oldest daughter this summer for my grandma’s 95th birthday.
Post # 9
Its sad for a family when one person can not be included because of illness or other reasons, but if it were me, I do not think I would want everyone else to bend over backwards just to include me. Maybe your brother can still come and he can Facetime or skype the ceremony for her… Its a little weird, but that is how my family included me in my nephews 1st bday party and it was really nice for me, because I have memories of that day! There is also a great photo of my sister holding the ipad with my face… Again, a little weird, but I did feel included!
Post # 10
@CPearson1016: Thanks for your input. I’m not opposed to the idea of skype or facetime so she could ‘electronically’ be a part of the wedding lol but she’s kind of a shy reserved person and I think it’s something she wouldn’t want to do. I don’t think it’s weird, especially this day and age it’s becoming the norm! Skype is how I spent Christmas with my family since they’re so far away, it was great!