- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
My fiance called off our wedding 5 weeks before the big day this summer. He said he was depressed, and had been depressed for a while. He said we didn’t have enough in common, we were too different and he thought we would end up in divorce. He said he’d been feeling that way for a while but didn’t have the courage to tell me. So as you can imagine, 5 weeks out I had everything. My dress was altered and hanging in the closet. The hand made veil by my future mother in law was ready to wear. I had deposits on everything- flowers, a venue, a coordinator, rental furniture, decorations, photographer, a dessert table, a honeymoon, everything. I even purchased the marriage license 2 days before he decided to call it all off.
I spent the following days crying more than I think any human has ever cried before. I don’t even remember how I managed to make the phone calls to my family, his family and the vendors to let them know and to cancel everything. I cried for my loss, and I cried for everyone who I felt like I was letting down or who had come to my bridal shower, given us gifts, or gave us money or helped in any way. I cried for the dress I loved and would never get to wear (I have since decided to sell it) I was in a state of shock. Not eating for days on end because hunger was something I could not feel, nor could I remember how it felt. I eventually found out 5 days after he dropped the bombshell that there was another bombshell- he’d been cheating on me with another woman for the previous few months (I do not know her)
The betrayal, the hurt, the devastation and disbelief of how the man I loved more than anything, who I was about to marry was just almost unbearable. Every day I think about it, and every time I talk to him I can’t help but scream, cry and demand answers from him about how he could do such a thing. He says he never wanted to, nor meant for any of this to happen. He says I don’t deserve it but he can’t help how he feels, and he feels like we should not be together. We have recently sold our house and as every day gets closer to the day I have to move out (he has already left) I get sadder and sadder. So much loss, so much pain. I feel as though he has taken away my future, my certainty and everything I love. I wish I could keep the house because I love it, and it’s so familiar. But financially it would have been a bit of a struggle, not to mention the memories of it being OUR house, rather than just mine.
I DO have friends and family who are, and have been very supportive. Even his family has been really kind to me, offering me help and calling and visiting to see how I’m doing. I certainly don’t think I could “break up” with his family too. We’ve all gotten very close over the last 4 years and it breaks my heart that I won’t get to actually become family with them. Although, perhaps a piece of paper doesn’t have to change what we already feel in our hearts. I guess I just need to know that there is hope, or maybe someone else who’s gone through something similar and made it through or found love again in the face of extreme heartbreak. It’s hard to see light in such darkness right now