(Closed) Looking to uninvite someone to my wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@TypeABride2013:  Um I feel like this person is going to RSVP “No” anyway.. they’re obviously not your friend.

Post # 4
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

1) You have to invite him if he received a STD. STD=invite, no matter what.

2) Is he in a serious, committed relationship? If so, you should invite his (and others) SO. You do not break up relationships. They should be considered a social unit. We see all the time posts of “I wasn’t invited with long term BF/FI” and the response is the same — the bride is being rude and social units should not be broken up.

If he is just wanting to bring a date, yea, you can just invite him but you have yourself in a pickle now etiquette wise if you are breaking up social units for space concerns….

Post # 5
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@TypeABride2013:  Does this guy have a wife/long-term relationship of some kind? If so, his partner should be invited. But either way, the way he’s speaking to you is totally inappropriate. If Save-The-Date Cards have gone out, you should send him an invite… but stand your ground about no +1 if he doesn’t actually have a partner.

Post # 6
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel he is in the wrong by the way he spoke to you…he was pretty rude and immature to actually start calling you names. Does he have a SO that he wants to invite? If so, I can see him being upset, though this doesn’t justify his behavior.

Post # 7
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@TypeABride2013:  

The good news is that the rules of etiquette are on your side, not his, in this situation. Etiquette requires only that you invite the significant others of those who are married, engaged or living together (because etiquette presumes those who are living together are secretly married.) You are under no obligation to extend an invitation to anyone else whom your guests may wish you to invite. Your friend was rude to attempt to berate, insult, and shame you into feeling guilty and changing your guest list to accommodate his wishes.

Post # 9
Hostess
11615 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

As others pointed out, it depends on who his plus one is in his life, but I’m thinking he’s cruel enough on his own. Some people are so rude that they leave me speechless. I wouldn’t reply until I cooled off. Maybe he won’t come since he thinks so little of you. maybe he’s not comfortable coming alone? Definitely leave it be for a while, you don’t need the drama! A good phrase is “I’m sorry you feel that way, thanks for letting me know.” End conversation. 

Post # 10
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@TypeABride2013:  Your friend is rude, insulting and quite breathtakingly entitled. 

I not only wouldn’t invite him, I would sever the friendship entirely. 

Post # 11
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@classyashley:  

1) You have to invite him if he received a STD. STD=invite, no matter what.

 

In the vast majority of cases, I would agree with you.  I hate it when I see a bride say, “Oh, I sent out STD’s to 300 people but now we’ve picked this cute little venue that only holds 60…”

Howver, even if a Bridal couple has issued an actual invitation to someone, if that someone’s behavior is eggregious enough, the couple are within their etiquette rights to recind the invitation.  I think the OP’s friend’s behavior justifies not inviting him. 

Post # 12
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@TypeABride2013:  Doesn’t sound like he wants to go anyway, plus he’s insulting you! I wouldn’t invite him.

Hey, then you have a spot to give someone else a +1 😉

Post # 13
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

No invite is set in stone unless the actual invite has been sent out. Just because he got a save the date doesn’t mean you need to send him an invite, and if he asks why tell him the truth.

Honestly, I can’t see him RSVP-ing after this anyway.

Lastly, if he is raising a stink because he has a SO, Fiance, wife whatever that isn’t getting a +1 then I could see his point, and you should make room for her. If not, then don’t invite him.

Post # 14
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@Brielle:  No, this is absolutley wrong.  Proper etiquette states that you do not split up social units.  Therefore, anyone with an SO should be invited with their SO, no matter if they are married, engaged, living together, or dating, and no matter the length in  which that have been dating.

You do not have to extend a Plus 1 to truly single guests, but any SO’s must be invited together.

Is that why your friend is so ticked, because he has an SO and you didn’t invite him/her?  Or did he just want to bring a date and he is being a boar and rude to you?

I think I posted this advise to you yesterday, but please do not invite more guests than the capacity of the venue.  It is against fire code and you and the venue coiuld be fined.

Post # 15
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Your friend was rude.  If he got the STD or not, and you don’t want to invite him, who cares about proper etiquette.  Don’t send him an invite if you don’t want him to be there.  You haven’t sent them out yet. If he asks why he wasn’t invited, tell him why. Tell him you didn’t like the way he talked to you or treated you. That’s all. End of story. Sometimes you have to throw out etiquette and put your foot down with people who treat you like that.  But that’s my opinion. I’m very sensitive and take things personal when it come to people who treat me bad and disrespectful. 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@jmaze +100000

I agree, so what if you sent him a STD, he called you cheap, told you to change your wedding venue, your selfish and cruel, he treated you AWFUL.

Screw etiquette, DON’T INVITE HIM and if he asks why give the answer @jmaze gave.

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