(Closed) Looking to uninvite someone to my wedding

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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@jmaze:  That’s a shame, especially if prior to your wedding planning you were close with them.  Weddings do not need to bring out the worst in people. . . why do they tend to make ppl turn into asses?!

Post # 33
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@TypeABride2013:

I know everyone is always like well if so and so is in a serious relationship of more than 6 months it’s rude to not give him a plus one. Personally I disagree.  My fiance got invited to an old buddies wedding and they never really talked about our relationship so when he got the invite my name wasn’t on it nor did he get a plus one.  He called is buddy up and explained that it was no problem if I wasn’t invited he was just curious.

I would just tell him something like.  “Due to this recent issue I have decided you are no longer welcomed to the wedding.”  I know your not supposed to uninvite someone but I’d rather be rude than have him decide to show up and piss me off on the day.  Doing this will lead to ending whatever civil relationship you have with this man and possible some or all of other people you both know.

Post # 34
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@cmsciulli:  And you have the right as a guest to decline. But if a bride wants to invite say a, coworker who has a boyfriend that have been dating for 3 months, it is perfectly acceptable to just invite the coworker. If the coworker doesn’t feel comfortable about it, she doesn’t need to come. If you don’t have the space or money to invite everyone’s “flavor of the week” you don’t have to and it is most certainly not rude. Inviting serious  relationships and spouses on the other hand is another story.

Post # 35
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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@SmthngBlu8:  “Inviting serious  relationships and spouses on the other hand is another story.” I agree, regardles sof whether or not they live together.

Post # 36
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d drop somebody like that as a friend, let alone a guest at my wedding!

Post # 37
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@cmsciulli:  yes, what I was disagreeing with you about was that it is considered poor etiquette  to not invite someone they’ve been dating for 3 months. 

 

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@Rubbs:  +1

Post # 39
Member
977 posts
Busy bee

@cmsciulli

 

Long story short: Fiance and I had date set, planning started, 2 months later, found out my neice graduates highschool that same day.  Sister got dramatic, Lots of drama, more drama from her, my neice, my Brother-In-Law,  I got blamed for being selfish and planning a wedding on that day on purpose, because everything in her eyes is  about me. Family then said they felt obligated to go there instead of my wedding. Brother-In-Law posted personal stuff about me on FB that only few people know about. Embarassment. I secretly changed my date, they don’t know about it. gonna let them stew over the original date for a while and be pissed.  We dont want them at the wedding because my “older” sister acted like a 2 year old instead of coming to me like an adult over the matter.

 

 

ETA: Note: my sister only talks to me when she wants or needs something anyways, or when one of her kids bdays or xmas are coming up so i will buy them something…

idiots.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 40
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@cmsciulli:  

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@Brielle:  

I think technically etiquette states that only engaged, married, or couples living together must be invited together.  And that couples living together are invited as a unit because it’s assumed that they are married.  However, this philosophy really doesn’t work in practice.  In today’s world, we don’t assume that a couple who is living together is married (as it’s now very common), yet we they are still automatically invited as a social unit.  This makes it unfair to those couples who have choosen not to live together for whatever reason.  You end up with situations where Joe and Sally have been dating for 3 months, but live together so they are invited together, but Billy and Jane are not invited together (even though they’ve been dating for 5 years) because they don’t live together. 

Basically, you risk offending a lot of people by not including their SO, regarldess of their martial status or living arrangement.  It’s also a bit hypocritical to ask people to come celebrate your love but decide it’s ok to ignore theirs.

I understand everyone has budgets and such, but what I don’t understand is why SO’s and other +1s are not factored into this budget.  You budget for dress, food, flowers, etc. but not people’s dates?  SO’s should not be afterthoughts. 

OP, your friend sounds rude, but I’m still wondering if he had a SO you didn’t invite and that’s why he’s upset.

Post # 41
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He can choose to decline the invitation if he doesn’t want to come.  

That being said, I agree with him that all adults should be invited with a guest.  Who wants to go to a wedding alone?

Post # 42
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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@RunsWithBears:  I am with you on the SO/Plus 1 etiquette debate!  I know a lot of etiquette stems from earlier times, but this is an srea where I think Emily needs to update her philosphy. . . or at least whoever it is that writes for her considering that she dies in the ’60s!

Post # 43
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Etiquette aside, your friend was very rude to you and for that reason I probably would have said to him “perhaps you shouldn’t come if you’re going to be that way” and not bother sending him an invitation.

I’ve been to weddings where they haven’t allowed a plus one and majority of the time its a numbers issue and nothing personal so its pretty unfair of him to take it as a personal offense. 

If you get any flack for being a bridezilla just retort that he got the UNvite for being a guestzilla!

 

Post # 44
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

What does etiquette say about someone being a douche? Cause this guy could have approached her nicely, but instead insulted and berated her. STDs out or not- I would not be sending this man a formal invitation. 

Post # 45
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@jmaze:  That is ridiculous, I’m sorry.  Instead of pitching a fit, she should have come to you like a normal person and told you the issue with the date- not assume you picked the date intentionally to screw her over, lol!

As long as you hadn’t signed any contracts, I’m sure something could have been worked out.  Even if you had signed contracts I’m sure something could have been worked out. . . like them attend the reception at least.

I hope your neice doesn’t take cues from her parents’ behavior :/

Post # 46
Member
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@TypeABride2013: my answer would be:

“you are being really rude and offensive – i am trying to accomodate everyone to the best that i can. at this point I’m not sure that I even want you to attend given the insults you’ve thrown at me. I will not be discussing this further with you.”

i’d wait two days. 

sincere apology = still getting an invite (no plus one unless married, engaged or living together)

radio silence = no invite (calculate what i saved on his plate, go spend it on myself)

 

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