(Closed) Looking to uninvite someone to my wedding

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does etiquette dictate you invite his significant other?  Yes.  Does etiquette indicate that someone who receives a STD should subsequently be invited?  Yes.  Is it 1917 and will not inviting him cause scandal?  No.  If you don’t want him at the wedding, don’t invite him.

But, before going there, perhaps say “you know, you’re really being hurtful, and I’m trying to make my wedding a special day for all my guests.  Perhaps you’re right, and I should offer +1’s to everyone I invite.  Of course, I’ll only be able to invite half as many people, and you’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want to come…”

You might get a back track there.  But really, seriously, bottom line.  It’s YOUR wedding.  He’s being an ass.  If you don’t want him there, don’t invite him – but be aware that that’s probably a friendship ender.

Post # 78
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Tell your male friend that he’s right about +1s and that you appreciate him sacrificing his invitation so you can extend it to your friend’s new boyfriend instead.

Post # 79
Member
4793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@TypeABride2013:  maybe you should say to your rude friend that if he is so upset on your mutual friends behalf, he should do the gallant thing and offer up his invite to your mutual friends +1…..

 

I’d just uninvite him and offer the place up to your mutual friend with the BF. If he asks why I’d just tell him that we only want people at our wedding who genuinely wish us well….he will get the picture….


I’m kind of with emily post on inviting plus ones….but I look at each individual situation.

 

I have certain cousins on my Dads side who change boyfriends more often than they change thier undies… every family ‘do’ they bring a new BF. (I once even called the new BF by the last BF’s name because I didn’t realise they were not the same guy!!!!….ooops!! Embarassed)

 

I won’t be doing a plus one for these cousins because I figure from previous history these guys never last beyond 6 months….but if someone else who  doesn’t  have a reputation of dating ‘randoms’ is in a relationship then I would invite them.

 

Post # 80
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Forget being the bigger person, OP. Cut off contact. If he’s behaving this way before the wedding, how likely is he to show up just to moan and complain about it, ruining your day? You don’t need that negativity on your big day.

Post # 81
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@aspasia475:  I was so hoping that you’d weigh in on this one!  An invitation is not an “Admits Two” ticket.  Unless you’re actually getting married at the circus, which would be awesome. 

Post # 82
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow I wish someone would have the nerve to tell me I should change my venue to accommodate someone’s date! How dare this guy demand you make changes to your event for him or anyone else? Since your friend is so rude, feel free not to invite him and let your other friend’s date come instead. 

Post # 83
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Your friend is being incredibly rude and immature.  If he wants to come alone then he can come alone – social etiquette does not demand that you invite all SO.  You are expected to invite live-ins, married partners or engaged partners but NOT boyfriends/girlfriends, regardless of how long term.  That being said, people will still find it rude, mean, whatever – but it is your wedding, you are paying for the seats and you only have so many available.  If he can’t understand this, then he is more than welcome to RSVP no.  When RSVP’ing to weddings, especially if they have not had one, people do not get the idea that their plus one is not only costing you money (think – would you pay for this person’s dinner out?) but they are taking a seat that could otherwise go to a close friend or family member. It can be hard to believe when you are the guest, but regardless of the size of the wedding (50 people to 350 people) each person was added to the list with purpose and thought, if they were not on the list then they were not (sounds harsh) important enough to the bride and groom and their families to come.

We had someone RSVP and add a plus one that was not included on the invitation. She also just put this plus one as “guest” because she does not have a boyfriend currently.  We had to gently tell her that we cannot accommodate uninvited plus ones with our space and budget and that we understood if she did not want to attend “alone”. She has chosen to come to the ceremony only and leave before the reception.  If someone does not feel they can attend your reception without a plus one, then they do not have to come – a wedding invitation isn’t a mandatory call to duty, you do not have to go to it!!  It is also a wedding is a private celebration, not a ticketed event, so things do not have to be “fair”; i.e. not everyone is allowed to come.

All that being said – I still think you should invite your friend as you desire.  You can tell him he can bring his SO if space allows eventually, but if he would rather not come alone you completely understand that – and you hope he can understand the space and budget constraints that you and your family are under.

 

Post # 85
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is how I see it. If you’re paying for your wedding, and paying for your family and friends to be there, you should have every say to who comes and who doesn’t. They are getting a free dinner and free party. If they really love or care about you, they would be appreciative of any invite whether single or plus one and should respect your decisions. If they have an issue, then they can stay home. I don’t understand why people get so offended and upset if they aren’t invited or their SO’s aren’t invited. It’s not your wedding and you are going for free. Screw etiquette about having to invite SO’s. Yes, you do need to be respectful and caring, but it’s your wedding, you’re paying for everything, you should have the say, nobody else. Stand up for yourself, but do it in a tasteful way.

We’re having a small wedding and are inviting only very close friends and family in total 30-40 people. We sent our engagement announcements to a lot of our close friends and family before we really set a venue and budget or guest list, and now we’re not able to invite a 1/4 of the people we sent engagement announcements to. I’ve made sure to post on our wedding website that we are having a very small wedding and are only able to invite close friends and family with no plus ones. If somebody has an issue with it, I’m sticking my ground and they truly don’t care about us if they can’t respect our wishes and decisions. But we are being caring and respectful about it. You are your own person, screw what society says you must or must not do for your wedding.

Be an individual & stand your ground!

 

Post # 86
Member
16 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@Bazinga:  +1 my sentiments exactly!

Post # 87
Member
16 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@Cuddleznvader:  Couldn’t have said it better myself!

Post # 88
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@TypeABride2013:  This happened to me.  My gf insisted I give her a guest even though she wasn’t in a relationship at the time of the invites.  I had to tell her we no longer had a seat for her at our wedding. 

Post # 89
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Bethesda Academy Whitefield Chapel & Brockington Hall

View original reply
@Zhabeego:  I 100% agree with Z here! 

The topic ‘Looking to uninvite someone to my wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors