(Closed) LOOONG engagement (vent!)

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
352 posts
Helper bee

Totally understand where you are coming from and understand why you want to wait until you are done school. I just got engaged and am planning on getting married September 2012 (19 month engagement). I have also high school sweethearts with my FH and when we get married we will have been together for 10 years.

Although you have a longer engagement then most I wouldn’t let that upset you. Do whatever is best for you guys.

All the best in your studies, engagement, wedding, and life together!

Post # 4
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My FH and I have an indefinite engagement. We aren’t trying to wait until we finish college because I may change my major and add another year onto my graduation date. He currently can’t get financial aid, and is paying for college tuition and expenses out of his own pocket, so I may not graduate until the end of 2013 or the beginning of 2014, putting us at a 4 year engagement, if we decided to wait. Not having a date set though is pretty frustrating.


Post # 5
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I most definitely understand what you’re dealing with. My fiance and I are high school sweethearts and moved from New Jersey to Indiana into a home of our own to attend college after graduating high school in 2008. We got engaged in February of 2009 and had been planning to get married this past October, but due to finances, we had to move our date back a year. We are now getting married on December 2, 2011 (on what would have been my maternal grandparents’ 50th anniversary; both have passed). By that point, my fiance and I will have been together six (almost seven) years and engaged for almost three years as well. It’s been frustrating at times, but I couldn’t imagine my life without my fiance and if waiting is what I have to do, then so be it. I hope you don’t get too discouraged by the long engagement. It will be worth it in the end. Plus, this will give you lots of time to plan the wedding of both you and your fiance’s dreams! Best wishes!

Post # 6
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We were in the same place.  We got engaged after our freshman year of college and didn’t get married until after my husband graduated, 3 years later.  It is rough for sure but you can do it!  I would wait to plan until you get a year or so away from the wedding so you don’t risk changing your mind about things and wasting money.

Post # 7
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am in the same boat! I just got engaged on December 24 of this year, but we are also waiting until both of us are done with college. This puts us at- wait for it- the summer of 2014. Yep. 3 and a half years. I understand what you mean about it being frustrating at times! We already know EXACTLY where we want to have the ceremony, but we can’t exactly call them up because they would laugh in our faces when we told them that the projected date isn’t until late May or early June 3 years from now.

For now, I plan on focusing on my education and doing things for ME, ya know? Next spring I’m going to spend a semester in Peru while he finishes up his degree; I’ll be back just in time to see him graduate. Plus we have the opportunity to save up a lot of money between now and then, so if you focus on things like that it should make time go by a lot faster.

I keep looking at wedding things, but I know that I can’t make any major decisions just yet. I know EXACTLY how you feel. No worries ๐Ÿ™‚ We have the very rare opportunity to have a period of stress-free engagement. Enjoy it!

Post # 8
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Engaged 8 years before getting married.  We had 3 kids in that time frame, too. 

Post # 9
12 posts

We are going to have at least a 4 year engagement… fun fun fun!

We want to do an April wedding for cost and convenience purposes. 2011 ain’t gonna happen because we just aren’t that together. My brother is getting married in May 2012, so that’s off the table. My Future Sister-In-Law is going to be doing her surgical residency in Spring 2013, so taking a week off will be impossible. We are planning a weeklong destination wedding with our four parents, my brother, and my Future Sister-In-Law, so finding a week that will prospectively work without causing minor trauma is NUTS!

We may end up pushing the date back to 2016, or doing a JOP ceremony and a destination vow renewal.

Post # 10
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We will be engaged for almost 2 1/2 years by the time we get married. Its not by choice, and I desperately wish I could move it forward, but the simple fact of the matter is that we just cant afford to. Its so frustrating, not only because its out of our control but also because of the looks and reactions we get from people we tell. Every time I say our wedding date, I get the shocked look followed by, “gosh I could NEVER wait THAT long”. This is also topped off by the fact that I have so called “friends” trying to race me to the altar, and steal colour themes and ideas etc. It’s just petty and so disheartening! :/

Post # 11
365 posts
Helper bee

With the plan you guys have (which is awesome) and all the study and getting your careers off the ground, PLUS planning a wedding.. it’s going to fly by.  In fact I bet we’ll see you buzzing around the bee panicking about how you don’t have enough time to prepare for a wedding ๐Ÿ™‚

I admire you both for putting your educations as your top priority and having a plan together. I bet it’ll all work out perfectly.

Now, if only some other guys out there would propose to their poor ladies in waiting while still in school!!!  So often it’s used as an excuse to delay a proposal.  You’re one lucky lady ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada โ™ฅ EDD- April 2016

We’re in the same place, we’ll have been together 3 years when he proposes(sometime in the summer) and will wait to have the wedding until we’re out of school, so August 2013. It’s a long wait and it won’t be easy but at least I’ll be able experience the stage of being a fiance for a while since I (hopefully) will never be one again! (:

Post # 13
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Aww, please don’t fret. Your engagement will go by fast and it’ll be here before you know it. Dear Fiance and I had a MEGA long engagement, 3 and half years!! And our wedding date falls on our 6 year anniversary!! But guess what?? Our wedding is now less than 6 months away and I wouldn’t have changed a thing!! Because we waited, we are able to afford the wedding of our dreams!! Also, it allowed me to take my time planning and be able to really research things and get awesome deals on vendors!! Congrats sweetie!!

Post # 14
358 posts
Helper bee

Firts off congrats! I can understand how you feel. After being with my bf (still waiting to get “officially” engaged) since I was 19 (now 25) it has been difficult to not have jealousy when my girlfriends and acquaintances meet and are engaged within 1/3rd of that time frame especially when we have been through college, job changes, and many life changes in our six years. Try to enjoy the fact that you are engaged to be married. The other option is like our situation…just “dating” until we have the means for the wedding we want. No big deal for me since I know we will eventually be married, but being left off wedding invites from his extended family bc I’m just the gf and other instances like that, make me even more anxious to get engaged!

Post # 15
48 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

When I get married I will have been engaged for four years, almost to the exact day.  LONG time coming…

Post # 16
8 posts

I understand that not everyone understands the idea of a long engagement and thinks it “defeats the purpose” but it takes time to plan a wedding.  Time and money are needed as well as timing.  If the idea bothers you, move up the wedding!  Although I’m not engaged yet, I talked to my boyfriend about this and we’d want to wait 2 years until he’s done with his master’s so the wedding would be the only thing on our minds. ๐Ÿ™‚ It doesn’t matter whether you’re “married” or “engaged” for that time, you’ll still be together and you don’t need a title for being happy ๐Ÿ™‚

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