- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
Hi folks, I’m new here and the posts I’ve read have been pretty helpful so far.
I’m engaged to the man of my dreams, and we’re planning what we hope is a wonderful and fun wedding, coming up in just under 3 months. My dad and stepmother are THRILLED – they love my fiance – and his parents are so. freakin’. excited. It makes the planning a lot of fun. However, I can’t get past one (not so minor) bump in the road.
My side of the wedding guest list. More specifically, my mother and her side of the family.
I am from the Southeast, my fiance is from the Northeast. We met in the Northeast because I moved here after school for a job. He never left far from home, even to go to college, whereas I’ve been gone from “home” for a while. So, needless to say, his “people” have been around a very long time, whereas I have several distinct chapters in my life (especially due to grad school), and people have been more likely to come and go. Because no matter where we have it people have to travel, we decided to have it in a neutral location as a semi-destination wedding. Prices are very reasonable, and it’s actually easier for my side to get there than my fiance’s. It is cheaper than having it where we currently live. We took great pains to make sure this wedding is affordable and that there are a lot of options for people. We sent out Save the Dates months ago to alert folks so they could save and plan.
To get right to the point of my post, my mother is completely unsupportive of this wedding. She loves my fiance, but she does not care to encourage this wedding. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage (I was 20), and my mom and I have always butted heads to a minor degree: she tends to bash me behind my back. I used to agonize over her insults (“overdramatic little b*tch”, “getting fat”, etc.) but I learned that her words come from her own issues and her own misery, and have nothing to do with me. However, now she’s going around telling everyone that I’m a bridezilla. She hasn’t talked to me in 6 months, and she’s mentioned the wedding ONCE since I got engaged (it was to ask about her dress) – I would think she would need to talk to me about bridal things before declaring me a bridezilla! She said it’s because I’m “not talking to her because I want her to pay for the wedding and she can’t afford it.” I have told her numerous times (and so has my father and my brother) that we understand her situation and no financial contribution is necessary – just encouragement and support. She’s been told time and time again that I’m only upset that she shows NO interest in the wedding. I just want to hear her say, “So, I hear you’re getting married. How’s that working out for you?”
She told my grandparents that the wedding will be “hoity toity” because my fiance’s family is well-off, and now no one from her side of the family is coming to the wedding, save one estranged uncle who thinks they’re all batty. My grandparents have never been supportive of me, even when I was close to them physically, but this is a really big day and I’m their first grandchild. You’d think they’d want to be there for me. Nope.
What do you do when your own family isn’t interested? This isn’t a situation where they don’t approve. I have a relationship with everyone on that side. I have called and even personally drove 10 hours to talk to them all about the wedding and how important it is that they attend. They’re literally UNINTERESTED. This tells me that I don’t mean very much in their eyes. Everyone who’s ever met my fiance, practically, is coming to this wedding. They’re so excited. And my side just doesn’t care. How do you keep on smiling and planning your big day when you feel so deflated?