Post # 1
My husband and I got married a few months ago. One of my bridesmaids was flying in from London for our wedding, but due to unexpected causes (volcano) her airport shut down and she was unable to make it. It made the trip impossible so I completely understand her not making it.
However, although she was physically unable to come, she never sent a gift, not even a card. Furthermore she owed me money for the balance of her bridesmaid dress but never mentioned it again, and she refused to chip in money for the bachelorette party bc she was not going to be physically there. She mentioned she shouldn’t chip in because she was not going to join us, that her flight was costing a lot, and that she wanted to spend that money for our wedding gift.
She and I were really good friends in college but due to the distance we have drifted; however since I still considered her a very good friend I asked her to be a bridesmaid. My sister, who was Maid/Matron of Honor, got pretty fed up with her neglecting all of her bridesmaid duties, and esp because she never even bothered to send me a wedding gift, told me I should stop being friends with someone like her, as she is a very selfish person.
I tried not to be bothered by all this but even though time has passed I cannot help but feel hurt by all of this. We haven’t really reached out to one another since the wedding, and I am not sure I want to. Then again, as friends are precious, I feel immature by making a big deal of all of this. As fellow brides or brides to be, if this happened to you, how would you feel or deal with it?
Post # 3
See my post on the emotional board if you want to hear my story. I don’t feel like tpying it again, it’s long. I too no longer talk to my Maid/Matron of Honor, who I have known since we were kids. And I doubt in the long haul I will talk to my other Bridesmaid or Best Man either. My Moh did 0 before, during and after my wedding and the girl never even once called me after the wedding to see how my honeymoon was, to say she had a goodtime at the wedding, nothing. I felt obligated to have a Bridal Party, didn’t have sisters, cousins or other family I could ask and figured I knew her the longest and we have been close. But there comes a realization that these people are no longer providing healthy, normal friendships and then it’s time to cut them loose. I would rather have no female friends then crappy ones or ones who I have 0 in common with for the sake of having friends. Your sister is right about her. She is selfish, maybe she’s jealous of your life which is why she is acting like this. I would forget about her. It may be hard, but you deserve better. And YOU did NOTHING wrong..
Post # 4
Honestly, I don’t know how reasonable you are being. To be in your wedding, to stand up there with you, she was going to have to pay for an expensive plane ticket and a dress. She knew that when she accepted, so that’s on her. But for you to further expect that she chip in for your bachelorette party AND get you a gift leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Yes, bridesmaids often throw a party for the bride, but it should never be expected.
And far as your sister feeling she “neglected her bridesmaid duties” what exactly was expected from her seeing as how she was an ocean away??? Sounds like she put in the initial payment for the dress and bought a ticket to attend your wedding, which to me indicates she fulfilled her bridesmaid duties to the best of her ability.
Yes, she should have paid off the balance on the dress, but to be frank, I can’t believe you presented her with a bill for your night out that she was unable to attend.
Post # 5
I also think you’re overreacting and can’t believe you wanted her to pay for a party she wasn’t even going to be able to attend. Just cut your losses. I agree with Tatum.
Post # 6
I think you need to cut her some slack. She lives across the ocean and her flight was cancelled. No she shouldn’t HAVE to contribute money to anything. No she shouldn’t HAVE to buy you a gift. Some people do if they have the extra cash. Most people don’t have it right now though. So who can blame her? I’m sure she’s not getting her flight money back right away either so i’d give her some time to come around.
Post # 7
I never presented her with a “bill” for the dress, it was just another thing left in the air. as for the bachelorette party, as my sister was doing the planning, she mentioned that even though my friend could not make it, as a bridesmaid she could at least manage to chip in a bit (we are talking $40 or so), especially since she has to miss it in person. and i understand she is coming overseas, but it is not like she is coming from asia, she is flying london-nyc, it is closer than california, which we had many friends fly from.
to be frank, i am mainly hurt that as my bridesmaid/friend did not get me a wedding gift or even a card. i hope i don’t sound like someone after commodity…it is REALLY not that. i don’t mind if it is a small tiny gift, or at least a card, jeez…it is of sentimental value, and really the THOUGHT. and in my opinion, whether you can make it to a wedding or not, if it is a good friend, i would def give a gift to the newly wed couple as my blessing. as she was my bridesmaid, it did hurt my feelings that she did not care to.
but maybe many of you are right, maybe i am being irrational.
Post # 8
Give her a call. Give her a call or send her an email, and check in with her. Don’t mention the wedding, put it behind you. Don’t ask her for money for the dress she didn’t get to wear. Honestly, she’s probably as disappointed as you are and may be feeling a bit embarassed. Just remind her that you’re her friend and you miss her. As you said, friendships are precious.
My two cents on the bachelorette party; if I was asked to contribute to a party I wouldn’t see, especially if money was already tight and I was going on a trans-continental trip to get to the wedding, I wouldn’t do it.