(Closed) Losing a son instead of gaining a daughter

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@TG20:

Wow, hon.  Yes, the same thing happened to me.

It’s not fair, is it? We are married now and the “crap” continues. I also wonder if it’s just because they don’t like me, but honestly (cross my heart) I have been nothing but kind and respectful towards them….doing dishes after dinner, etc.

What they are doing is wrong. Has your fiance asked them to stop it?

Post # 4
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

this is one of those situations where you have to fire back with  “Losing a son?! I thought you were gaining ME!” and a big smile.

 I know how you feel and this is hurtful behavior, but making light of their rudeness may change their attitudes. I hate people who say things like that *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

ugh, this is a crappy situation. they shouldn’t be making you feel like that. i feel like our families should be our biggest supporters. how does your fi feel about how they treat you? has he said anything to them? 

Post # 6
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t mean this snarky, just giving an honest opinion: based on this and your other posts it sounds like they don’t like you.

I wish I could tell ya to just hold out and its all in your head, but you just had another post about your Future Brother-In-Law that indicated the same thing. Where is your fiance in all of this? He should be standing up for you? You should also speak up and tell them to stop.

Post # 8
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have literally been through this exact same thing. Almost to a T. I am actually sort of STILL going through this. I am in class, but when I am done I am going to PM you and tell you how I handled it.:)

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I thinnk the best route would be for your Fiance to speak to his brother and mother and explain to them that these comments are NOT acceptable,in any way,shape or form,he should be making it clear that he wants you to be his wife.Period.

I hope they stop being mean to you *big hugs*

x

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@TG20:

@heatherrobyn:

And I thought I was alone in this crap ladies ! WOW !

What do we do? Just ignore the hell out of them? No. how would that work ? And we want to do the best by our FI/husbands.

I have no clue, but TG20, your Fiance should step in, I think. LOTS OF HUGS TO YOU BOTH

Post # 11
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i was going through similar things with my FI’s fam. they weren’t saying i was stealing their son/brother, but they were just plain unfriendly and definitely did not seem excited when we got engaged. the worst was his brother, who would usually only acknowledge my presence by saying something ABOUT me in front of me, never to me.

 

the best thing was to have Fiance talk to his family. they quickly cut the crap and it hasn’t been much of an issue at all since. if he feels awkward doing this (mine did) tell him that it’s his family, and it will be better coming from him than from you.

 

sorry you’re going through this, though. i know how uncomfortable and upsetting it can be. hang in there!

Post # 12
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh, so sorry. That’s totally unacceptable behavior on their part.  No advice, really, just moral support.  Is your Fiance young?  Like, under 21?  Not that their behavior would be ok at any age, but it might make it more comprehensible if they’re generally skeptical about young marriage. 

At any rate, good luck.  Maybe your Fiance can sit down with them and say that their comments have hurt you both, that he understands that they love him and that he loves them too, but that you aren’t “taking him away” from them.

Post # 13
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

That’s how my father views my husband. He think that my husband ‘took’ me when we got married. I don’t really have any advice other than try not to let it get to you. They can say whatever they want, but it won’t change the fact that you’re marrying their son. I sincerely hope that they come around as the wedding draws closer.

Post # 14
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

*hugs* My Future Mother-In-Law feels the same exact way. She always saying something ridiculous. The latest one is that she’s really scared that *I* will ruin their Christmas. Uh, excuse me? Remember Christmas last year when you ran around: 1. insisting on screaming matches with each of your sons for trivial things, 2. having a 30 minute sob session in front of me saying that your husband was “abusing you” (he was not, he only walked away from her b’cuz she was attempting to pick a fight), and 3. accusing us of “hating their family” b’cuz we left at the time we agreed upon?!?! I really despise this woman, I really do.

But your FH should be standing up for you! As long as you two are satisfied with your relationship and how much time you’re spending with each other, his family can, frankly speaking, shove it. But I may be biased lol. 😛

Post # 16
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@TG20:  I think you’re being needlessly defensive.  I doubt his family’s feelings have anything to do with you personally – it sounds like they’re just trying to come to terms with the fact that their family is changing.  Try not to take this personally or turn it into some big drama that it doesn’t need to be.  I really don’t think your fiance’ needs to “stick up for you” – I think that will definitely create hard feelings. 

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