(Closed) Losing alimony when I marry

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have an Aunt that is in the same situation as you are. She has lived with her Boyfriend or Best Friend for the last 15 years or so.  She refused to marry him because she will loose the alimony she fought hard to get.  Can you two have a commitment ceremony, but not have it be legal and not file the license?  

Post # 4
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@HereIcome:  I know you stated you are nearing retirement but do you think that you could use the alimony payments to fund training or an education in a different career that would allow you to bring in income that does not tie your hands?  

Post # 7
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Does your boyfriend make a good income?  Enough to support you both?  I imagine he’d rather be married to you and support you himself than not marry you and know that you were being supported by your ex.

Post # 8
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Also, I TOTALLY know where you’re coming from.  My parents were married for 33 years, my mom put my dad through medical school, very similar story.  My dad ran off with our pastor’s wife, not his nurse, but still pretty shitty!

 

Post # 9
Member
46672 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you considered approaching your ex  to negotiate a payout? He might be agreeable to a one time payout to rid himself of monthly payments for the rest of your life. You could invest this sum of money to supplement a part-time  job.

 

Post # 10
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@HereIcome:  so you’re not actually a nurse? (u said u worked as his “nurse”). Nurses make decent money.  Am a little confused, How many years ago did he leave you? 

Did you get any other assets other than alimomy?

Post # 11
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

@julies1949:  +1 I imagine if his choice is between continuing with alimony or a one-time payment he would choose the latter.

Post # 12
Member
46672 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gemgirl6:  No nurse would be allowed to practice after having not worked for 20 years. If she was licensed in the first place, she would have to take a  refresher course which would likely equal the full eduaction program required in her state today. Much has changed in the field of nursing in the last 20 years.

Many doctors are too cheap to pay registered Nurses. They call their staff nurses because it inspires confidence in their patients, but many are not licensed.

Post # 14
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

the time to think about this imbalance would have been during the divorce proceedings, not after. I believe the loss of alimony is due, in part, to the concept that, once you marry, you’re part of a new family, and your new partner has a responsibility to ensure the family you form is financially sound. Not your ex. It’s not healthy to remain financially dependent on your ex, either. I know it’s a sucky situation but perhaps another Stay-At-Home Mom will read your story and fight for a more equitable settlement, should she divorce.

@HisIrishPrincess:  that’s such a dishonest idea! 

Post # 15
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@fishbone:  I agree with everything you have posted.

 

I do like PPs idea to try to renegotiate a flat sum with your ex.  Since he has moved on and has a child with his new wife, I am sure both of them would support you getting a lump sum alimony payment so he wouldn’t have to pay monthly anymore.

 

Otherwise, you are currently doomed to date men that you can’t live with or marry and that is a very lonely life if it’s not a lifestyle you want.  I would sacrifice money to be with the man I truly loved, even if it meant living a less extravagant lifestyle.

 

Post # 16
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@julies1949:  r u a nurse? u didnt say

 

or medical assistant?

how long ago did he leave? 5 or 10 yrs ago?

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