(Closed) Losing Control Rant

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Please don’t worry about the huge todo list.  You have a year to go – the only things you can try to work on are the guest list, the venue and your officiant (if you have a person of great importance you would like to perform the ceremony).  After that, you can prioritize the other wedding tasks. 


I’m sorry – when you say dance do you mean the wedding reception that follows the ceremony, or are you holding a special party in your hometown after the wedding?

Post # 6
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would go with a bottle of wine Laughing the glass may noy cut it. Stay strong!

Post # 7
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Is there one part of the wedding over which you can have complete and total control?

Post # 9
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Keep in mind that if people are invited to ONLY the dancing part (not even dinner), they probably will decline. I certainly wouldn’t attend the dancing portion post-dinner reception of a wedding I was only invited partially to. I’m with ya, I think it’s kinda rude although i see the purpose in the gesture.

Does that make it smaller?

What about paring down the guest list significantly and hosting a large brunch reception a week later? Would that be ok?

Post # 10
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that it’s really not appropriate to invitethem to just dancing.  But it seems that you are feeling that way too.  Was that someone else’s idea?  Are you wanting to avoid doing it?  I’m surprised that FI’s mom is suggesting to invite some of her people to just dancing.  Mom’s are usually on top of etiquette. 

However, I think you might want to reprioritize what about your wedding is important.  Be flexible on some things.  For example, you felt a loss of control when your Fiance said OK, to his mom’s extra guests for the dancing portion.  It’s his wedding too.  And if you stick with the “dancing only” plan, these folks aren’t really going to cost you extra money.  So where’s the problem?

As for some of the other issues, like the guest list size, it might be reasonable to put your foot down.  Who’s paying for the reception?  If you are, and  330 people can’t be accommodated, then tell them how many you can have on the guest list.  However, if they have a large family, and your Fi wants his family there, and his parent re willing to pay for the extra plates, then maybe you should let that issue go.

Sure it’s your wedding.  But your families are excited to share in your happiness too.  So if there’s a way to allow for some flexibility, I think it would be easier on everyone’s constitution.  Just figure out, where those areas are, and where you really need to keep control.  Tlak it over with your Fiance.  You’ll need him to be on board with you to back you up.

Post # 11
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh man, I’m sorry you are/were feeling overwhelmed.  You know, if my fiance and I don’t know the people from either parent’s list, they are NOT getting invited.  Too bad, so sad.  I want my closest friends and family there.  And yes, I do consider a few friends of my parents my family (i call them aunt/uncle) but other than that…this is YOUR day.  Do you really want to attempt to go around to 300+ people during the reception to thank them when you should also be attempting to enjoy yourself?! 

I hate to say it, but the day will be over in the blink of an eye.  I want to savor each adn every moment.  We just had our engagement party 2 weeks ago and technically it was about the same length as our wedding would be…done…bam, just like that.  Savor, savor, savor!

Keep us posted.  Good luck.

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