Losing friends after marriage

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well I’m not married, but I do understand what your saying

even when I got engaged I’ve noticed a little bit of distance growing between me and my single friends.  Of course I still love them and I always will, but the conversations are so different!  I can’t seem to relate to the constant conversation about difficulty finding a man, vice versa they probably don’t want to hear me talk about the wedding all the time..

I hope, like you do, that even though situations change your best friends will stay your best friends, but relationships have to evolve i guess

Post # 4
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My fiance is actually going throught this. He hasn’t really talked to them for a while now. But he’s beginning to realize that he might regret not trying to patch things up. His friends aren’t really the roudy type. Some of them have families of their own. He’s just starting to feel disconnected to them. Hopefully you and my fiance will be able to work things out because you do need your friends with you in life for moral support when you significant other can’t be there.

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I haven’t really made any friends where I live now.  But I haven’t really noticed that I can’t be friends with single people just because I’m married now.  I don’t have any firends that have had kids yet though so that makes it different.

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I had my bachelorette party this past weekend and I could already see it happening.  There were 3-4 married/married with kids girls who wanted to turn in early and then there were the single/dating girls who wanted to stay out til dawn.  It was really rough being caught in the middle because in my heart I wanted to go back to the hotel and curl up in bed with my married girls and just chill, but I stayed out with my party girls because being the bride, I couldn’t exactly leave the party first! 

It’s rough.  But it happens.  But i feel like your true deep-in-the-heart friends will always be there, it just might be a lot more early dinners or low key brunches than going out all the time, you know?  You will find new ways to connect with them and keep them in your life.  All relationships take work sometimes, even the ones that are supposed to be so easy. 

I can’t tell you how many times my best girl and I have gone through this.  We’ve been friends 21 years and have gone through it all, questioned our friendship, where we are in our lives, what was keeping us friends, but we always find a way to reconnect and are going strong. 

Good luck!  It will get better and your true friends will be there no matter what! 

Post # 8
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve learned, getting married really shows you who your true friends are. As I was going over my Bridal Shower invite list with my Maid/Matron of Honor the other day, I realized that a lot of the girls that I went to highschool with that are still living the small town life (I moved an hour away to be with FI) are just not my true friends anymore. I rarely talk to them, we have nothing in common anymore, and I just don’t see the point in trying to hang on to a friendship that’s just dwindling away.
If there is someone you really love and miss, talk to them, tell them you miss them, and definately make an effort to keep her in your life, but aside from that, as we move on to the next stage of our lives, it seems we have to let go of old friendships.
I’m sorry you are having a hard time. Good luck and I wish you the best in your marriage.

Post # 9
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Its happening with us but its weird bc our friends are older, I’m 30 and Darling Husband is 27. Now that we are married we are trying to make our house a home and make quality time with each other and not do the usual out every weekend with our group. There was a rift noticed after the wedding and our friends are even making new friends that are younger, single and crazy. When they found out we are trying to have a baby, well now I never hear from them. Yes they are antikids and instead travel every month, but they were more than my friends, they were family to me. It hurts but I know its life. I’ve seen it happen too many times. But we looked forward to meeting people who are similar to us and doing things with our kids.

Post # 10
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve had this happen with married friends, but it has more to do with what you want out of life than with marriage itself.

Fiance and I are always going to live in the city, enjoy cultural ammenites, have dinner parties, spend time with friends, that is who we are. And we know married couples who’ve done the same, even after kids.

But we also know plenty of people who’ve moved to the suburbs in the biggest house they can afford, 45 minutes from anything but an Applebees and McDonalds (this is California, there aren’t many suburbs with character, which I know isn’t the case everywhere, I’m form back east). Seeing them is a haul. They want to go home by 9. Fiance and I talk about the latest local band, they talk about reality TV shows.

It’s just a change in culture, and it doesn’t mean anything bad about anyone.

Post # 11
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel like this is happening to me majorly so, even though I’m not married yet. Me and Maid/Matron of Honor are both “old married ladies” by behavior and so instead of a bachelorette I wanted to go to the Spa- and my Bridesmaid J (who’s single) was kinda bummed. But I’ve never been a Party-Booze-Gal. It’s sad to know I’m already losing Bridesmaid J a little because we’re not in the same place and can’t relate as well to each other. :o(

Post # 13
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Somewhere along the line a lot of our friends became too busy for us although most of them are still single.  

So I completely agree with you guys.  I’m totally missing my friends. 

 

Post # 14
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i’ve had the same friends since preschool. literally, we’ve had a click of girls our whole lives. we’ve always had our differences- they like to go to bars and i’d rather stay in and have a game or movie night. but after i got engaged, we barely talked. and now that i’m married, it’s never. i know that we’re at different stages in our lives, and sadly i think they’re kind of bitter about it (they’re both in relationships that don’t seem to be able to go anywhere for various reasons), but i don’t think that’s an acceptable reason not to be happy for me and to cut me out of their lives. it makes me angry and sad.

i’ve started hanging out with my husbands friends, who are older than me and have babies. these people who i’ve only known a short time are now so supportive of me and there for me, while i get nothing from my friends.

Post # 16
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My mom told me right after I got engaged that I would probably start losing friends but that when I have kids and they get into sports and playgroups I will make great friends because you can find people at the same place and into the same things. She said it was like when you started high school and there was so many people to see if you fit with.

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