(Closed) Losing friends left and right since engagement :(

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ugh that sucks!! I’m sorry you’re going through this. But on the bright side, I’m glad you have people who will be supportive during your wedding! So even though you may be losing some friends.. you’ve made new ones that seem more genuine. πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am so sorry and yes I know exactly how you feel!!! except I made the mistake of asking a girl like your friend to be a bridesmaid.. she begged me to be a bridemaid she was going to throw me a bridal shower and all this ther stuff and I considered her a very good friend. we lived together we were inseperable for a long time and have been there for each other and the week after we got engaged she just stopped talking to me and then went off the grid. we worked together and everything and for some reason she was too busy to even get a drink. I went so far as to completely ignore the fact that I was getting married just so I could have my friend back. when  finally talked to her she said that she couldnt help me with anything because she wanted to plan her own wedding and it was just too hard for her. needless to say she isnt in the wedding anymore. it really sucks and does take away your joy. again I am sorry and it does get better. just focus on your fiance and the ones that ARE there for you. n the end it is about the 2 of ou joining your lives togetherand that is an amazing thing.GOOD LUCK!!!

Post # 5
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

First of all, I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this stress.  πŸ™  I think relationship challenges often hit deeper and more intensely than other forms of stress, and it sucks.  

I’m also (unfortunately) finding that within this wedding planning process, it can feel like the true nature of relationships come out.  This can be a positive thing or can really be a bit disheartning.  I’m lucky that my bridal party has been consistantly awesome, though I’ve had a few friends who have left me questioning the nature of our friendship based on their actions.  My fiance too…one of his good friends who was supposed to be a groomsman told him he probably wasn’t coming to the wedding at all after fiance made contact multiple times to him over a period of a few months.  And really, his reason wasn’t all that valid. 

But, I don’t want to divert this away from you too much, so I apologize for going in a different direction.  I’m sorry that the friends that you were hoping to support you are not following through as you’d like them to, and I’m glad that your maid of honor has been so supportive and helpful.  I’m glad that, as lame as others can be, one person is shining through and really helping in a way that you feel good about.

I hope that the rest of the wedding process isn’t as stressful.  And as much as possible, I hope you’re able to let go a bit and try and move on (much easier said than done).  I think sometimes that’s all that can be done…acknowledging the relationship for what it is, understanding that it isn’t what you believed it to be, and saying okay, I’m going to have to move on from this friendship.

Post # 6
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry you are having to deal with all of that!  Friends are something we treasure and it really stinks when they act out of jealousy.  I had made what I thought was a great friend in the last couple years and I asked her to be in my wedding.  She said yes, let me think she was going to be in it for about 6 months and then dropped out.  She hasn’t spoken to me since, won’t make eye contact, nothing.  I didn’t get mad or say one bad thing to her, so I’m not sure what the deal is there.  I should have known better than to ask her in the first place because she was clearly jealous from the beginning.  You did a great think for yourself by asking people who are good to you.

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As painful as it is, these girls do not sound like very good friends. The one girl, that you were very close to and has disappeared, she might be having issues, feeling like she’s losing you now that you’re getting married. I’m sorry she’s so unsupportive since it sounds like you’ve been there for her. It sounds like you’ve tried reaching out to her, so at this point, you just have to let her get through it on her own.

The other girls… it sounds like they’re just pissy because they don’t get to be center stage in the wedding party, and behaving poorly toward you becausse of it.

Despite all the mean girls, it sounds like you made some super choices in your maids of honor. I’ve never understood why people assemble wedding parties based on any reasons other than the ones you chose your MOHs for.

Post # 8
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry! I’ve lost a lot of friends recently too! I’m hoping to make new “couple friends” once we’re married. I hear everything changes once you’re married anyways.

btw 650 people? omg I can’t even imagine!!! I’m stressed out about my 100!

Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I completely feel for you, hun!  Honestly, I think it’s hard for all of us to realize that most friendships change over time…regardless if it has to do with someone getting married. 

Friends come and go, and it is always hard to deal with it when you feel like people who you consider your very best friends aren’t there for you like they should be. 

It sounds like you may be the first of your friends to get engaged (?) so this might be hard for them to get used to. 

Trust your instincts, don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your choices of who you want standing by you on your big day! 

The Dr. Seuss quote should be your mantra:“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am so proud of you for not picking any of those horrible girls to stand next to you! You are mature enough to know what is important and who deserves to stand. As stressed as you feel from their catty comments, beleive me when I tell you that you’ve saved yourself ten times that stress by keeping them out of the ceremony.

Congrats and enjoy every minute of your weddings!!

Post # 12
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@AlbanianBride27: Hey Hon, I am Arab & I know what you mean by it being rude that she didn’t congratulate you for your engagement…that’s a HUGE no-no. And we too had a big wedding (600) and the stress was…….YIKES. The last thing you need is a pissy-pants group of bridemaids!

But honestly, I’m glad you did not ask any of them to walk with you in your wedding because you would regret it they did…Honestly, you don’t want ANY negative people around you that day. I had to ask 2 girls to NOT attend my wedding only a week before hand. They were jealous, snarky and very un-sopportive (the same thing you complain of).

Honestly, it’s probably just all ENVY and they are probably going to be a continued source of stress in your life and marriage because those types of people will ALWAYS complain and make snarky comments about everything…Just wait until you’re pregnant and they’ll be talking about the weight-gain, the baby’s name..everything.

Honestly, you sound like a huge sweetheart and I wish nothing more than for you to be COMPLETELY HAPPY on your wedding day and thank God for

1. a great man

2. a great future sister-in-law 

Have a wonderful wedding day and keep your head up!

Post # 16
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AlbanianBride27: I am really sorry to hear that your friends have shown their jealous sides and decided to attack you on the most fragile times – wedding planning!!

I am from Tirana and though not engaged (he’s not subtle about the fact that he’s going to do it soon…what a tease!) but i understand where you are coming from with the whole my life is changing, and everyone else expects me to do everything how everyone wants…it’s infuriating.

My best friend is married and I would always get critisized by my college friends for hanging out with her and her husband…they’re my friends, I’ve know them both for a decade (they’re both from Vlora).

I find that couple get along with couples more than with single people – not because all of them are spiteful but because you have more in common…

Point is, she went through the same thing – all of her friends from College and Grad school would abandon her and never showed happiness about her new life. It’s like they were oblivious to her fun journey. I was always treating her the same way and never felt that she changed – and was always happy for her because well, I love her and only wish her the best.

Unfortunatelly, for the most part misery loves company. There will always be Debbie-downers in your life and its during hardshit that people show their true colors. It’s hard because,of course, when life is peachy and nothing changes, everyone is your friend – but you find out later that it’s not always the case…more often then not, people become jealous and feel that they are losing you so they retract themselves.

I really hope you put yourself at ease and focus on the important things – the man who will be by your side for the rest of your life and your family and close friends who make you happy!

Happy planning!

A.

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