- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
I am getting married in 74 days! Very excited. However, my engagement has been a rocky one. The fiance and I are good but its my social life that has gone downhill. In the four years that I was an undergrad, I made many many friends. A select few I considered my best friends, some of whom I knew before college, and always imagined they would be by my side when I got married.
My fiance had wanted to propose to me right after graduation but got impatient and did it about a month before. I was ecstatic. Not only was I graduating but the love of my life asked me to marry him.
My best friend, a girl I considered like a sister, a girl I saved many many many times from bad situations, was her shoulder to cry on and a source of endless support did not show up to my graduation which she had begged for a ticket months before and had made it clear she wanted to be there. She didnt come to my home to congratulate me in person, which in general is not best friend behavior but in the Albanian community, not going to someones home to congratulate them on something as momentous when they live within driving distance is beyond rude. I tried to overlook it. But for weeks after I was the only one calling her, texting her, emailing her….I gave up. I stopped. She hasnt reached out to me since.
Several other friends, some close, some not so close, have made snarky comments about the size of my ring (its 1.11 total carat weight, the center stone is a round cut .89 and it has two small side stones). They have made rude comments about my choice in a dress (my dress has sheer 3/4 length sleeves which I love because of the bead work on them) and have also critiqued my choice to not have a ton of bridesmaids. Most Albanian weddings have up to 15 to 20 bridesmaids. I chose to have one maid of honor at my morning wedding (where the brides family gives the bride away) and one maid of honor at my evening wedding which is the larger party (650 people).
When I chose my maid of honor for my morning event, I chose a girl that I have only known for a year but one who has consistently been a source of joy and comfort for me. She is constantly upbeat no matter what and is a pleasure to have around especially in stressful situations. I chose her because I know that on my big day she will keep me calm and help me focus on all that goes well that day rather than anything that may go wrong. My evening wedding I chose my sister in law because she has proven time and time again that she wants the best for her brother and myself. She has pretty much planned and prepared nearly every detail of the wedding for me while still making sure everything was the way I would like it to be.
I have been criticized because I chose these girls rather than people I have known for years. My reasoning, though I did not tell them, was that I was afraid to pick any of the girls I HAVE known for years because of the way they have behaved since I began dating my now Fiance and even worse since he put a ring on it.
I feel lost some days. I cry, I stress and I get angry. I feel so guilty because my Fiance is doing everything he can to make me happy and I am so stuck on the hurt that my friends have turned out to be frenemies. I feel alone. I am not having a bridal shower because I am embarrassed that the girls I have always had around me no longer come around. Instead Im just having a small girls night out with a few girls to have some fun.
Im sorry for the long rant, I have just been holding this in for a long time.
Have any of you experienced loss of friends? Personal attacks? I knew I would encounter a little envy here and there but this seems a bit much. 🙁