(Closed) Losing friends right before and after marriage?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hi,

I posted a couple weeks back about something but deleted the post after, just because it was super personal and I didn’t want it out on the Internet forever. Anyway, new thing now.

Has anyone else lost a lot of friends right before or after marriage? Or had friends act really weird? I’ve been married almost a month and friends have been super weird about it, on both my side and my husband’s. 

My friend of 7 years forgot the wedding, then cancelled 4 days before over text because she didn’t think her new boyfriend could come. She then said she was coming but only to the ceremony, then cancelled the day before saying her new boyfriend was going back to his home country soon (she met him abroad this summer) and they wanted more alone time. She never even called, this was all over text.

My friend of 14 years came to the pre wedding dinner party (like a rehearsal dinner but everyone was invited) but the day of the ceremony she’d forgotten the time, then said she couldn’t make it to the ceremony. I asked if she was still coming to the reception and she said to give her the address again. I forgot to text her the address (I was doing all my own flowers (by myself) the day of the ceremony due to floweR ordering problem the day before, not an excuse, but still), and heard nothing from her. Half an hour after the reception started I remembered and texted her, I didn’t hear back for an hour, when she said she would not have gotten to the reception on time (5:45pm) because she was late at work (she leaves early all the time and is basically her own boss). I said she could still come as it lasted until 11:00om, she said send her the address again. I didn’t hear from her again that night and she ever showed up. The next day there was an post wedding lunch (my husbabs is from another culture and country, so this was for that side). I texted her in the AM to confirm she was coming, she said she couldnt come, but for me to enjoy and congratulations. 

A third friend unfriended me on facebook right after my wedding, no congrats or any explanation. She wasn’t invited because it was out of state and we’re just casual friends, but we were friends. And she has all her other 600 friends still on there, including a woman I know she’s had big problems with. 

I don’t know what is making all these women act this way? I try to be a good friend, and I wasn’t a bridezilla or overly caught up and distant by any means. It’s hard for me to make friends, so it’s been really upsetting that the friebds I do have, and have had a long time, chose to act like this. 

My husband had a similar thing with two of his friends as well (he makes friends easily though, and people gravitate towards him, so it softens the blow a bit).

Did anyone else experience the same thing? If so, what to you think is going on? Thanks!

 

 

 

 

Post # 2
Member
33 posts
Newbee

My friend of over 15 years would talk about random other things when I brought up things about my wedding. It was kind of weird…I said something to her about it. She was pretty upset about it. I think personally she didn’t want to admit that she was brushing me off because of her issues with her boyfriend.

She realized she was being a crappy friend. I let it go because I know she felt bad and we have. been friends for too long.

There always seems to be someone that your marriage will piss off Lolol.

 

 

Post # 3
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes – I invited only friends that I considered being close to or those that played a significant aspect in my life.  The way some of them acted in the rsvp stage/as bridesmaids was shocking and I have learned now who are my true friends… weddings bring out the best/worst in people… it’s just a shame that you don’t know the status of friendships until a significant event like that happens. 

Post # 4
Member
4161 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

One of my good friends acted like a complete brat when I didn’t ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She didn’t speak to me for a year, so I decided it wasn’t worth inviting her to the wedding.  Why should I when she won’t even talk to me?  The day after the wedding, she sent me a Facebook message saying how disappointed she was that she wasn’t invited and that there is no need to respond.  She then deleted both my husband and I from Facebook.  That was 3 years ago, and I still haven’t heard from her, but I haven’t reached out either.

Post # 5
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Aw- I’m sorry to hear about your friends basically flaking out on you, esp on your wedding day! That’s kind of shady of them…

Several years ago, I was a Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friends wedding. We were very close until wedding planning started. Suddenly, everything (not just wedding stuff) was about her. If she asked my opinion on something and she didn’t like my opinion, she made sure that I knew that she thought my opinion was stupid. I don’t think she is (or was ever) a bad person and I don’t think she was a bad friend to me… but I do think that she let the “it’s your day” get into her head and thought she could act like a complete brat and a b**** and I would be OK with it… and to be honest- I bit my lip bc I was trying to be a good friend and Maid/Matron of Honor to her and kept telling myself it would be over soon (all things about her wedding)… but then she graduated college a couple months later and it suddenly it became her year and come December… I didn’t want to be around her anymore. I later found out she had been talking shit about me and my (now) husband to all of our friends…

The whole ordeal was very upsetting to me as I did not have a lot of friends and she truly was my BEST friend. I miss her every day but not all friendships are meant to last. I fully believe that she was apart of my life for a reason and is no longer in my life for a different reason.

Can’t say much about your relationships as I don’t know the full story (their side) but if these girls don’t want to be in your life- then just let them go. As much as you want to hold onto these friendships you can’t force somebody to genuinely want to be apart of your life.

Post # 6
Member
5372 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

beeFANTASTIC:  I was going to write my story down but yours is very similar. Except mine wasn’t a good friend when I was going through the hardest thing in my life and instead would make it all about her wedding…That’s when I knew she wasn’t a good friend.

OP, I agree that some friendships aren’t meant to last forever. Cut your losses and move on!

Post # 7
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

ksn1219:  Yes- same here… I didn’t want to keep going because I felt my response was getting long… before her wedding (or her year…), she was there for me for the most part. She did the whole putting me down in front of people a lot and a lot of yelling at me when she had been drinking but I tried to be extremely patient with her as nobody else seemed to see a problem with her behavior. I started to think maybe I was just being too sensitive.

When I started to help her with her wedding planning- her behavior got way worse. Her mother even commented to me about how much of a brat she was being.

During the months in between her wedding/graduation and December (when we got a “divorce”- that’s what it felt like at least) her behavior didn’t change. I was completely flabbergasted, she actually was worse! When I would go to her with something personal she would brush me off and start talking about whatever was going on in her life… just disapointing. She made me feel horrible as a human being so I had to just let the friendship go.

It’s a shame when friendships just can’t last- but nobody deserves to be treated like that, even by a bride!

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  beeFANTASTIC.
Post # 8
Member
5372 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

beeFANTASTIC:  That is SO true!! I was the only one she was treating like crap and I was the Maid/Matron of Honor. The moment that I knew was when my grandfather, who was the only living family I had, was in the hospital for 5 days (over my bday nonetheless) and she didn’t ask how he was UNTIL after he was already out 5 days later… and then it only got worse and what was the straw that broke the camels back was when her mom texted me and told me that I was a horrible Maid/Matron of Honor and had been a horrible friend because I wasn’t there for her during the planning…even though I was dealing with a life or death situation of my own… Selfish people.

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