(Closed) losing friendships during wedding planning

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

my sister went through the same thing – her best friend of 20 years dropped her after she got married, and it was all out of jealously.  Weddings bring out the good, the bad and the ugly about friends and family, but as long as you and your hubby are happy, and you enjoyed your day, that’s all that matters. You have the rest of your life with your husband, unfortunately true friends are hard to come by and people come in and out of our lives for a reason.

Don’t look back and be sad about it, look back and think about growing up together and the good times, and then look forward that it’s her loss she’s not going to be involved in your life.

Post # 4
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmm, well, my opinion is that anyone in the wedding party, including the Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor, shouldn’t be expected to do anything other than get the dress and show up on the wedding day. Wedding party members are not planning your wedding, and it’s not their job to help pick out favors and invitations, and help you with DIY projects.

That said, though, I am very sorry. It’s a sucky thing to lose a friend over a wedding. This happened to my husband (long story), and it was heart-breaking, and silly and petty. But, in the end, he learned who is real friends are, and we’ve moved on.

I always tell people, when you plan a wedding, you’ll learn who you can really count on, and who you can’t.

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s really not her responsibility to help you with anything for the wedding.  A maid of honor is supposed to be a close friend who you love and who you want to support you… not free labor.  The fact that she was actually interested in helping to select her dress and accessories is more than some bridesmaids do.  You chose to get married, so it was YOUR responsibility to make the wedding happen, not hers.  Now, she should have been to the rehearsal on time, but you don’t say why she was late.  Perhaps there was a good explanation.  Either way, showing up late to the rehearsal seems to be her only actual offense leading up to the wedding and in my mind, if this is someone you care about, being late should not mean getting cut from your position of maid of honor.  She shouldn’t have attacked your marriage but I can understand why she would be hurt and upset by your actions.  Just let the friendship go as I don’t see how either of you are going to be able to move on from this and remain friends.

Post # 7
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

wow… sorry you had to deal with that. 

I agree with the others.  However, I will add that when you look at the pictures, don’t think of the bad memories from the wedding planning and wedding, but think of the good times you had.  that way, you won’t be so upset about having her in the pictures.

also, consider that you’re opinions and thoughts might change in 5, 10, 20 years down the line.  you might see it as a friendship lost for no good reason OR that it was totally justified because you two have fallen apart.

either way, don’t like her being in the pictures ruin them for you.  ignore her and remember all the happiness of that day!!!

Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It sucks that she bailed on you when you thought she’d be there, but honestly, she’s not the one getting married, you are. If you wanted DIY stuff then you can only be upset with yourself if they weren’t done. I could understand if she kept saying “I’ll be there in 5” and never showed up, but it sounds like she did exactly what a Bridesmaid or Best Man is supposed to do, worry about what she needs to buy. 

I did my own invitations, favors etc., unless my younger sister happened to be home. The other 4 BMs live out of state.

I understand she was upset she was replaced, but the letter was pretty immature and rude. Then again, wouldn’t you be if you were blindsided like that, the night before a wedding?

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@falynnsmomma:so sorry you had to deal with such a terror!!!  definitely has some jealousy issues!  it really is amazing how much you learn about people during your MOST stressful but happy time of your life! 

Post # 12
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am sorry this happen to you! after that nasty letter I would have uninvisted her to my wedding. I would not have someone at my wedding that does not mean me well at my financial expense…hell no.

Post # 13
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am so sorry for you!  I do hope you communicated your frustration with her before you removed her title as Maid/Matron of Honor, though.  

I am so sorry because I can totally relate.  My two best friends of 13 years were my bridesmaids (along with my 2 sisters and soon to be SIL).  Things were going downhill with my two best friends since I got engaged (and they were/are single).  I tried to confront them and communicate with them but they never responded to me for almost 2 months before my wedding.  Finally, they called to say their rooms were booked and they would see me at the wedding (surprised).  But at the wedding, more negativity and they acted as though they did NOT want to be there.  I was not being sensitive – other people were asking my Maid/Matron of Honor who those two girls were because they were so unfriendly and mean.  When I returned from my honeymoon, I called each of them and left an upbeat message to call me back.  Nothing.  Finally, I texted each of them and asked what was going on and why they weren’t returning my calls for over 2 months.  They “broke up” with me and ended our friendship.  They said “this friendship has run its course” and that “this friendship is no longer healthy for me.”  WOW.  I wish they decided this BEFORE my wedding.  Of course, I paid for so much of their accessories, gifts, and having them and their “dates” attend, and neither even left us a card! 

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like you learned a lesson in the very worst way possible. It’s a shame that she felt it was ok to flip your mom off while photos were being taken, and that it was ok to bail on you when you needed her. I’m also a supporter of a bridesmaid only needs to show up with the dress and smile, but you’re right in this case. Don’t offer help and then leave the bride hanging each time. That’s not a Maid/Matron of Honor, bridesmaid or even a good friend. When you blow someone off that much, it’s hard not to take the stance that you aren’t supportive.

It really is too bad that you didn’t learn her true character before the wedding so that you didn’t have to deal with any of this. It’s hard enough to lose a friend gradually, but this was like a slap in the face. I think you did the right thing by demoting her to a Bridesmaid or Best Man and promoting the friend who was there for you to Maid/Matron of Honor, b/c clearly, she wasn’t a true friend to begin with.

Post # 15
Member
841 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I thought I was the only one going through this. Most of the people who aren’t my friends anymore are just plain jealous!!! At first I was upset about it, but I said screw it! If you don’t want to be happy for me, then by all means ‘walk on’ :). I was always the friend who would support their friends during the rough times, but when I needed a shoulder to cry on, no one could be found. Quite frankly, I am not that surprised by some folks behavior, lol. Be happy! You have married someone who makes you very happy. Forget those who aren’t important. Congrats!!!

Post # 16
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It is true that one should not expect the BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor to provide free labor but if these are folks you expect to stand with you and support you, it is perfectly reasonable to expect their input and yes, maybe even a little help with the process. Considering my first wedding was 25 years before this one – BMs and MOHs really were expected to help with the wedding preparations – it was part of the “job description”.

I also got virtually no help with wedding preparations from my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor with planning this wedding and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t resentful about it. I once considered them some of my closest friends and now I kinda regard them as friendly acquaintances (sp?).

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