Post # 1
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
HELP!! Please tell me I am not some miserable Bride To Be…. or am I???
Here’s the deal. My brother whom I love dearly, has been MIA for the past 2.5 years. He went through some tough things and didn’t deal well and decided to cut himself off from our family. It was very hard b/c we are a very close, tight knit family. I was able to track down his phone number months ago via fb, he’s not on fb but acquaintances are. Anyway, we began texting. I still haven’t seen him since Christmas 2009.
During 2010 he had a son with a girl that is not his girlfriend. My mother has made friends with this girl for the babies sake and my mother has a good relationship with the girl and baby. I am 100% fine with this. I have met the girl a few times and my nephew but I do not live near them and don’t go out of my way to see them. It’s just when they happen to be visiting my mom and I’m visiting too that I see them (note this is the girl and baby not MY BROTHER) and this is fine with me.
The issue is that my brother has finally started being a part of the babies life and now my mom goes to visit them and usually its all three of them however my brother and this girl are not together, they go to lunch together for the baby. MY MOM IS DEMANDING THAT THIS GIRL IS INVITED TO MY WEDDING AND I AM REFUSING TO DO IT.
I am inviting my brother and he is getting a plus one. I have told my mom that IF he wants to bring them both then he needs to reach out to ME and ask. Honestly, if he does that I would make it happen for him. But at this point it is just my mom trying to force me to invite this girl whom I’ve met twice!! She says that she is my family now and that I will regret not inviting her. I doubt it.. but what do you all think?? Am I being irrational??? Is my mom right???
Post # 3
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
I think inviting your brother with a plus one is fine. I think it’s a bit odd for her to want you to invite the girl you barely know. If he wants to bring her, that’s fine, but I think an individual invite for her is unnecessary.
Post # 4
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
@sn2bmrsmntgmry: I can see where your mom is coming from, but this woman is not a part of your family. She’s your brothers baby momma (sorry for that termonology but that’s what it is!) He could bring an entirely different woman if he wanted!
There’s no need to extend it to her, she will probebly understand. Your mom just needs to understand that even though she is good friends with her doesn’t extend her an invite, unless she is helping pay in which case you really should.
However, this just sounds like it could be a potencial disaster drama mess on your wedding day. I really hope everything works out for you!
Post # 5
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
I don’t think that here is a need to invite your nephew and his mother. Presumably your nephew is too young to enjoy (or comprehend?) a wedding, and as has been pointed out, his mother is someone you barely know.
If I were the mother, I wouldn’t expect the invitation, and if I recieved one I’d probably think it was a little odd. And possibly even a gift request… although I do realize that in your case that’s not true! – perhaps mentioning to your mother that you don’t want the mother of your nephew to think you are just asking for a gift will help her to see your side?
Post # 6
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
@Miss T-Rex: my mom is contributing to the wedding, but its from a fund from my deceased father and she’s contributing less than 50% of the cost. I have also already invited some of her friends including one that I’ve never met AND I invited all of her cousins, my 2nd cousins that I am not that close with for her. I just feel like I have done more than enough to accomodate her.
Post # 7
Member
9881 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@sn2bmrsmntgmry: The way I see it is this is your wedding and you can invite or not invite whomever you choose. It’s not your mother’s wedding, she should back off.
Post # 8
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
@Sunfire: Thanks. It’s just very difficult b/c she keeps bringing it up. I am praying she’ll just drop it!
Post # 9
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
I think inviting your brother with a plus one should be fine. I imagine it might be awkward for him if he brought a date, and the baby’s mother was invited as well…
Post # 10
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
I dont know…. I understand where everyone is coming from and not wanting people at your wedding that you don’t already know. If you were having a small wedding (though it sounds as though its not too small) or it was for financial issues I think it is acceptable to say no. I think I’d be inclined to feel that way too, at first.
However, I think your mom has very kind motivations. She wanted to be close with her grandson and to do so is trying to bring her grandson’s mother into the family. She isn’t just your brother’s “baby mama” anymore to your mom. At least, it seems as though your mother wants to make her kind of an unofficial daughter-in-law so even if her son leaves your family for years at a time, she will still be able to know her grandson.
If that is correct (and I certainly could be wrong) then by inviting her to the wedding (even without the child) you would be supporting your mother in her decision to reach out. Likewise, your mother might take it harshly by thinking that your withholding the invite is also withholding support of that new relationship.
Post # 11
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
I’d invite your brother with a +1. Your nephew’s mother is not a friend of yours and does not have to be invited.
Try not to feel bad about it. When your mom has a party she can invite her to that.
Post # 12
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
@GroovyHippieChick: This.
Stick to your guns and be firm with your mom. Let your brother decide who he will bring.
