(Closed) Losing it here!!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think inviting your brother with a plus one is fine.  I think it’s a bit odd for her to want you to invite the girl you barely know.  If he wants to bring her, that’s fine, but I think an individual invite for her is unnecessary.

Post # 4
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@sn2bmrsmntgmry:  I can see where your mom is coming from, but this woman is not a part of your family. She’s your brothers baby momma (sorry for that termonology but that’s what it is!) He could bring an entirely different woman if he wanted!

There’s no need to extend it to her, she will probebly understand. Your mom just needs to understand that even though she is good friends with her doesn’t extend her an invite, unless she is helping pay in which case you really should. 

However, this just sounds like it could be a potencial disaster drama mess on your wedding day. I really hope everything works out for you! 

Post # 5
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think that here is a need to invite your nephew and his mother.  Presumably your nephew is too young to enjoy (or comprehend?) a wedding, and as has been pointed out, his mother is someone you barely know.

If I were the mother, I wouldn’t expect the invitation, and if I recieved one I’d probably think it was a little odd. And possibly even a gift request… although I do realize that in your case that’s not true! – perhaps mentioning to your mother that you don’t want the mother of your nephew to think you are just asking for a gift will help her to see your side?

Post # 7
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sn2bmrsmntgmry:   The way I see it is this is your wedding and you can invite or not invite whomever you choose.  It’s not your mother’s wedding, she should back off. 

Post # 9
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think inviting your brother with a plus one should be fine. I imagine it might be awkward for him if he brought a date, and the baby’s mother was invited as well…

Post # 10
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I dont know…. I understand where everyone is coming from and not wanting people at your wedding that you don’t already know. If you were having a small wedding (though it sounds as though its not too small) or it was for financial issues I think it is acceptable to say no. I think I’d be inclined to feel that way too, at first.

However, I think your mom has very kind motivations. She wanted to be close with her grandson and to do so is trying to bring her grandson’s mother into the family. She isn’t just your brother’s “baby mama” anymore to your mom. At least, it seems as though your mother wants to make her kind of an unofficial daughter-in-law so even if her son leaves your family for years at a time, she will still be able to know her grandson.

If that is correct (and I certainly could be wrong) then by inviting her to the wedding (even without the child) you would be supporting your mother in her decision to reach out. Likewise, your mother might take it harshly by thinking that your withholding the invite is also withholding support of that new relationship.

Post # 11
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d invite your brother with a +1.  Your nephew’s mother is not a friend of yours and does not have to be invited.

Try not to feel bad about it.  When your mom has a party she can invite her to that.    

Post # 12
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@GroovyHippieChick:  This. 

Stick to your guns and be firm with your mom. Let your brother decide who he will bring. 

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