(Closed) Losing My MOH

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I think the best thing you can do for her is to include as if she was going to be there. Invite her to your dress fittings, food tastings, diy projects, etc.  She will enjoy the distraction and still feel like she is a part of your day. 

You could put a shout out in your program for her, Honorary Maid of Honor Amy Jones.  You could make a signature cocktail for her and name it after her.  You could make a little scrapbook or photobook of you two doing all things wedding related and put it at the gift table or some other place.  Or maybe you honor her silently with a charm on your bouquet….

Anyways, she is doing an amazing thing and she will be with you almost until the end, so love her and share your special moments with her until she is required to leave.

Post # 4
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Man, that’s really tough. I feel for you!

I’d have your bachelorette party/shower before she leaves. Or take her out for dinner and have your own celebration!

As for letting your guests know about her, a note in your programs (similar to what one says about relatives that have passed on) would probably do the trick. But make sure that you say that she is "currently fighting in Iraq" or else people might think the wrong thing!

 Good luck!

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Well you could mention her in the programs as basically a Maid/Matron of Honor in absentia.  But you’ll want to word it in a way that will not be offending to your new Maid/Matron of Honor.  (she most likely understands she’s second choice.  But she doesn’t need to feel like she’s not appreciated.)

In terms of making her feel a part of things, how about having the shower and bach party before she leaves.  Maybe at the shower, you can acknowledge her to all of your guests.  That way they will understand she won’t be there, and what she means to you.  Also, I think she will feel that being there for your shower, and having helped to host it, would make her fell like she really was a Maid/Matron of Honor, for having fulfilled some Maid/Matron of Honor duties.  And make your bach party for you, along with a send off for her.


Tell her good luck.  And thank her for serving our country, from the hive.

Post # 6
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Hey, Crissikat, I’m in a similar boat.  My youngest sister (2 years younger) is over in Iraq right now with the Air Force.  She has been over there for about 7 months now, and is still unsure of when she’ll be able to be back in the States.  She could possibly be back either one week before my wedding or two weeks after the wedding.  Either way, I want to involve her as much as possible and really let her know that we’ll be thinking of her during the wedding.

 Here’s some things I have done/have thought about doing:

1.  We put up her picture on our wedding website with a note saying she may or may not attend because she is currently serving our country in Iraq.  I also mentioned how proud we are of her and that our thoughts and prayers are with her.

2.  If she is not back by the time the wedding comes around, we plan on putting a note into the programs with basically the same message as I put on the wedding website.  Maybe you could put a note in your program saying you have an "honorary" Maid/Matron of Honor currently serving in Iraq and how your thoughts and prayers are with her at this time.

3.  We have also talked about the fact that if she can’t make the wedding, we might want to do something a little special.  For example, I think a framed picture of her in her uniform set on our head table would be a great way to include her in the wedding.  Also, we thought about streaming a video of our wedding live to our website so she could actually watch the ceremony.  I don’t know if we’ll do this or not because it will take a little more coordination on our parts, and if she was out on a convoy during the ceremony she wouldn’t be able to watch it anyway.

4.  For me, the most important thing is just reminding her how important she is to me every time we talk.  She calls probably once every two weeks and emails 1-2 times a week.  I just update her on what plans we have and what’s going on in our lives.  I also let her know that no matter what she will be with us on the wedding day, whether it’s physically or just in our hearts and minds.  It sounds a little cheesy, but I think she knows I genuinely mean it.

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