(Closed) Losing sleep over potential MOH drama.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Wow, your last paragraph kind of says it all  for me…if she wouldn’t even COME to your wedding if she doesn’t get to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, then she’s not a good friend. That’s not the type of person I would trust to be involved with this happy and important day – it sounds like she could sour things fast, even if she did stand up with you, just because she didn’t get her way on something else. She sounds like a bully and you deserve better, especially when you’re taking on something that can be as stressful as wedding planning. I would choose Anne to stand up with you, tell Marie gently that you hope she will be there to celebrate with you and you couldn’t imagine the day without her, but that Anne is going to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
gwenchilada :   Ask Anne to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and enjoy your special day with a true friend.

 

Post # 4
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Anyone who makes those kinds of demands are incredibly insecure and possessive. Allowing yourself to continue to be beholden to her whims is asking for trouble. 

“If you don’t let me wear this dress that you hate, you’re not a real friend.”

“A best friend wouldn’t care that I never showed up to your bridal shower.”

“I’d never be upset with YOU if YOU grinded on my brother at MY wedding. Why are you being a bad friend?”

All situations I’ve seen on the Bee that could have easily been avoided by not allowing manipulative toxic people into the bridal party. She’s gaslighting you in advance. Don’t let her. 

Post # 5
Member
821 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Go with your gut. If you don’t want her in your wedding, don’t do it.

 

Post # 6
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Ask Anne.

The other girl will be a headache.

Post # 7
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I would ask Anne.  If you feel honor-bound to have Marie in your wedding and don’t mind having two attendants to your future husband’s one, let her know she can be a bridesmaid or a second maid of honor, but that you and Anne have been close since childhood and she deserves a place of honor in the wedding.  If diplomacy fails, Marie is not a friend you want to have, if a friend at all. 

Post # 8
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would offer her JOINT BRIDESMAID with no Maid/Matron of Honor, she doesnt get to demand anything so its her choice she either is bridesmaid or isnt with no other option – be firm, this isnt something she can pitch a fit over without HER looking rediculous

Post # 9
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

She doesn’t get to decide how many MOHs there are- YOU DO. That being said, she’d be a huge pain and I would go with Anne.

Post # 10
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

If you’re losing sleep over this when she’s NOT your Maid/Matron of Honor, it’ll be 29384710 times worse if she IS your Maid/Matron of Honor.  She sounds like a bully and someone who will do what she wants to do, regardless of your wishes – not someone I would want as my Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 11
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Honestly, I’d just ask Anne and call it a day. I wouldn’t say anything to Marie and she should eventually realise that she hasn’t been asked. If she does ask about it, I’d probably say that I’m only having one attendant and have already asked her (no names) but you look forward to celebrating with her as a guest. If she decides that not being asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor is so offensive that she doesn’t come, oh well that’s her loss.

If you really do want to have both of them, then ask them both. You don’t have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor – if you want them both to be bridesmaids, that’s fine. Likewise, you can have have more than one Maid/Matron of Honor – if you want them to share the role, that’s fine. Just make it clear that this is what you have decided and there will be no discussion on the matter (although I have a feeling Marie is going to kick up a stink no matter what you decide to do).

Post # 12
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
gwenchilada :  “She got upset and told me that years ago we had agreed to be each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor“.

There’s no need to be bound my a pact you made years ago when you were immature.

And +1 to what everyone has said.

ETA: You can also use the excuse that you’ve known Anne longer.

Post # 13
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Ditto to everyone else, she sounds like a nightmare and not someone I’d want to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Ask Anne, she sounds like she’d be a wonderful Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 14
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Pick Anne.  If Marie bails on the friendship because of it, all the better.

You’re being held emotionally hostage and it’s time to cut that bad relationship loose.

Post # 15
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think if you want to stay friends with her ask both. There is no reason you can’t have two if your Fiance is having one. However, if you don’t really want to stay friends with her then ask only Anne. But whatever you do, don’t make the decision based on guilt.

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