(Closed) Losing touch with all my single friends

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m in a clique of 8 girls total, but my situation is the opposite!  I’m the 2nd to the last to get married and all my girls have kids too!  When you get older things do change and your lifestyle does as well!  You can still maintain a closeness, but do your own thing with your FH. 

Don’t feel like your getting left out, they’re just in a different mindset still!  But when it does happen for them, settling down, they’ll understand and they’ll start doing the same thing u did…like going out less often, want to stay home with the bf, etc.  Its just the circle of life so to speak!     

Maybe when you’re out with the girls don’t talk wedding or Fi stuff unless they ask! 

Post # 4
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

The majority of my friends are single and in their early 30’s.  I know that they all really want to settled down, but have not found the right guy.  I know they are thrilled about my wedding, but also a little saddened by still not having much luck dating.  This probably is the case here too.

I keep my wedding talk limited, and I make a point to discuss their lives as much as possible. I text to see how their date went last night, I analyze with them over if a guy is going to call- I just try to have the same conversations we used to have as much as possible.  I email to check up on what’s new.  I just work even harder to assure them I am still their friend as much as possible. I also make a grand effort to hang out with them whenever I can.  I work 50 hours a week, and go to grad school at night. It can be tough, but I make sure I spend at least one night a month with each friend without my Fiance.  I also invite my friends out with FI’s friends.

You just have to work a little harder to maintain the friendships, they are going to assume you are busy with Fiance so you have to reach out to them.

Post # 5
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think the fact that they brought up that you’ve turned them down for outings is indicative of them feeling like you don’t have time for them anymore.  And, if you think about it, it is probably true to some extent (even if that’s not what was intended).  You have to invest time into your relationship and you don’t have as much time to spend with them.  I wouldn’t worry so much about talking about the wedding (unless they’ve mentioned it) as I would putting effort into spending time with them proactively and/or making them feel like their lives matter.  Obviously, there is a balance in there somewhere – it’s not going to be like the old times where everyone is single, but it doesn’t mean that your friendships need to be sacrificed, just because you are married.

 

Post # 6
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

The majority of my friends are single.  I make a distinct effort to set aside time for them without Mr. DG.  Because I’ve done that, I feel like they’ve made a big effort to keep me in the loop.

Don’t pull away, but rather make yourself available to them 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My friends are half married and half single.  With 2 of us now engaged.  So the single gals are getting fewer and fewer.  I really didn’t notice a change in the married girls until they started having babies. 

We have decided this year to have a once a month girls date.  It is always on the 15th of every month.  And different person hosts the night/day.  So they choose what we do.  And by setting a date everyone knows well in advance to set work schedules etc.

Don’t worry about it I think this is a fact of life that people go different directions.  Try to make it a point to join them at least once a month.  You need to have your own girl time and your Fiance needs guy time too.

Post # 8
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Things definitely changed when my fiance (then boyfriend) and I moved in together. I understand why. I didn’t have as much time to do girl stuff because I also had a relationship.

My best friend is married and has a kid. We are close and hang out a lot when she is in town, but we do spend less time together than when we were single because things just change. Priorities change. The life I’m building with my fiance and the life she has were her hubs and son have become primary. I’d still do anything for her, and work hard to call her when she’s Out of Town and hang with her when she’s here. And she does the same. The important thing is I don’t think the quality and depth of our friendship has suffered. In fact I think we are better friends than ever before.

I think your friends feel like the quality has changed and not for the better. If that’s the case ask them what it is. If they are just bugging you because you can’t spend every weekend with them, then they need to adjust to sharing you.

I miss my bestie now! I think I’m gunna go call her.

 

Post # 9
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m really struggling with this, too, especially since my single friends are travelling the world doing missions work. Since they’re mostly out of town, I’m trying to become closer friends with the couples at our church. It is hard, though. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sigh. I understand this all too well. I always thought I would be the last to get married, and here I am going to be the first. All my friends are super, super supportive of it, though, and am SO EXCITED! There will be one not far behind but still, I’m the first! And the only one who moved away for college, so I’ve been a little bit removed for a few years now.

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