Post # 1
Hey Bees! So My fiancé and I are getting married in September, and I am a virgin. I’m seeking advice about the wedding night-what to expect, what we should have on hand (besides the obvious like condoms and lube) and just general advice. I’m not an idiot and I know about the birds and the bees. I just get some butterflies about the anticipation and the unexpected. Will there be pain? Blood? Crying?? Any advice appreciated. Thank you!
Post # 2
Everyone is really different! I’d reccommend a generous amount of lube. If you’re open about communicating with one another and being honest (don’t try and just push through it if something hurts or feels off) then you’ll put yourself of a good path.
Additionally, don’t feel pressure to have sex on the wedding night. You’ll likely be exhausted (especially if your wedding ends on the later side of the evening) and shouldn’t feel any need to do it just to do it.
Everything comes back to communication and openness with your partner. Remember that the experience is just as important to you and your needs as it is for him and his!!
Post # 3
Lube. Communication. Lube. Take it slow. Lube.
If you’re a tampon user or have had pelvic exams there shouldn’t be too much blood.
Its emotional and exciting the first time. Try not to feel pressure and just breath. You want to be comfortable and confident together.
Post # 4
Pain mean stop. Discomfort is okay and a certain amount is normal but you should not continue anything causing you pain.
Blood is mostly a myth. Your hymen can be broken riding a bike, masturbating, using a tampon. Don’t expect it.
Crying is okay! For you or him. And it’s okay if you don’t too.
Water based lube with condoms! Oil based can degrade the latex.
Post # 5
Try to breath and relax, lube… lots of lube. Everyone is different about how it feels just be prepared to communicate through the awkward initial stages. It may not be magic the first time while you’re inexperienced but that’s okay, you have a lifetime to learn how each other work. Again, breath and relax that will minimize any pain.
I also second the idea of not expecting sex on your wedding night. We were so exhausted we barely even enjoyed half our after dinner drinks and hot tub before passing out.
Post # 6
I would say keep your expectations realistic. You can be intimate in so many other ways if you realize at the end of the night that you’re just too exhausted for sex. Like others said..lots of lube and open communication. No one can tell you if it will hurt. It hurts a lot less if you’re relaxed and into the moment. Take it slow and include foreplay.
Post # 7
Everyone already gave really great advice to you. It’s normal to be nervous about it, sex for the first time after the wedding does build up quite a bit of pressure, and it can be awkward with a new partner to begin with. Just take it slow, communicate and make sure there is enough foreplay to get you sufficiently warmed up.
I did not bleed much, a couple of tiny drops but nothing to write home about (mind you I was way younger than I should’ve been). There was some discomfort the first few times – nothing I would describe as painful, but it took a few minutes to get past. I agree that relaxing really helps.
Not sure about tears – it is possible since you’ll have lots of emotions! Just make sure to keep communicating with your husband 🙂
Post # 8
Even if you don’t end up going all the way make sure to enjoy all the steps. You have your whole lives to enjoy sex and as PPs said, you guys will be exhausted. Even if you spend the night exploring each other’s bodies through touch and by mouth that can be very intimate and pleasurable.
Communicate, relax, and enjoy.
Don’t be disappointed if you don’t climax, but don’t fake one either.
Post # 9
I’ll chime in and jusy add my experience fwiw… I am a very well lubricated lady naturally so if we use ample amounts of lube it feels like an awkward slip and slide for us rather than pleasureable. Try a little bit and add as needed if it’s painful.
I never bled from first time sex and it wasn’t painful (moreso just weird feeling to me).
Have low expectations for yourselves bc the first time is awkward af for many people and a lot of sex is getting into it mentally.
Post # 10
My advice is don’t put pressure on yourself to go all the way in one night. For me, losing my virginity was absolutely painful as opposed to uncomfortable, and there was some blood. That’s not cause we were doing it wrong…it’s just how my body was. Because of the pain we took it slow and it was probably 4 separate occasions before we were able to complete the deed cause I kept having to stop due to pain. I’m not saying this to scare you, just to let you know it might hurt a lot and it’s ok to tell your husband you need to stop for tonight!
Post # 11
Don’t just go straight to penetration, make sure to enjoy each others bodies first. I bled a lot when I lost my virginity and bled the next few times after losing it too. But I felt too bad to say to stop, so don’t be like me, make sure everything that’s happening is what you want and stop if things hurt or are going too fast.
Penetration might not lead to orgasm for you or your husband if this will be your husband’s first time too. It may take a while to find your stride and figure out how your bodies fit together. But enjoy all of it, there’s no need to rush, you’ve got all your lives to figure things out 🙂
Post # 12
Foreplay and no expectations. It’s weird and not necessarily that romantic. It’s not gonna be very good, but it gets better. There can be blood, there might not be. It might hurt so much that you cry or it might be pleasant. So better to not be too prepared for anyhting.
Post # 13
Foreplay! Do not neglect the foreplay.
Post # 14
Honestly. Some solid advice here. Take your time. There’s no need to rush anything. And be comfortable and remember sex is supposed to be fun and can be kinda embarrassing at times. Good humour can go a long way.
Post # 15
Pack some pantiliners. I didn’t expect to bleed my first time because I spent a few years horseback riding, but I still had quite a bit, which didn’t only happen the first time, either.
Take time to “preheat the oven”. You’ll both be excited, but don’t rush…give your body time to catch up with your mind. This can take some time so just be patient and have fun with foreplay.
It will likely be a bit uncomfortable or even painful the first few times, but it’ll get better.
I had the expectation that everything would be normal after “the first time”, but truth is it’ll probably take a few times to get used to it.