Losing virginity on wedding night

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
230 posts
Helper bee

I think everyone has given pretty good advice. 

Take your time and make sure you’re naturally lubricated. Even with lube, it can still hurt so it helps if there’s some natural lubrication. 

Engage in a lot of foreplay and try to figure out what feels good for the both of you, as this is a learning experience. 

Try to relax as much as possible, if you’re anticipating pain, you will tense up and it will be painful. 

And definitely communicate with your husband before and during intimacy. If something hurts, tell him. 

Post # 17
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Communication and patience. Youre going to need to relax as much as possible, which is dependent on yourself and your husband putting you at ease (woohoo foreplay). I wasn’t a virgin on my wedding night, but I lost it in my mid-20s (to my now husband). Everyone is different, but the older you are, the less likely you will have an unbroken hymen to deal with. There will likely still be pain (which most of the time goes away, even during your first time), and a little bit of bleeding. For the latter, again, older you get – unlikely you will have an intact hymen, so you will likely just notice a small amount when you go to the bathroom after. 


And thats another thing: do your best to pee immediately before, and 10000% per immediately after. 


Also, if it isn’t magic your first time – if it takes more than one time/try to actually do it, that’s normal and ok. 

Post # 18
117 posts
Blushing bee

Best advice is keep your expectations realistic.  You will be SO tired by the end of your wedding day that sex very might be the last thing on your mind.  Go slow and be patient with yourself.  I cried a lot the first week because I built it up in my head.  Now I can look back and laugh at how absurd my ideal wedding night/honeymoon was.  

Post # 19
72 posts
Worker bee

Communication is key along with keeping expectations low. It will most likely be awkward at first but it will get better with time. 

Post # 20
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I second what everyone is saying here about going slow and communicating a lot. Something I wish I had known before I was married is that it may take some time to get used to sex and to enjoy it and climax. For me it was like 2 months. 2 months of frustrating wanting to really enjoy it with my husband but I would just start laughing because it was so different and my body wasn’t used to it. Explore each other’s bodies and enjoy the journey. Such as personally, penetration isn’t the best for me. Find out what works for you two. Best of luck! 

Post # 21
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Everyone has been saying some great stuff, I didn’t read through all of the comments so I don’t know if I’m repeating what someone else has said but my biggest piece of advice is to take it really slow! I don’t even mean just the actual penetration. Even with lube if you’re really nervous and tense it might still hurt, your vagina is made up of muscle, if you are tense you might be a lot tighter and even with lube your husband might have to force it a little which will be a weird, slightly uncomfortable or painful experience.

Don’t jump straight to penetrative sex, take time with eachother, kiss eachothers bodies, touch eachother all over, if you’re comfortable have oral sex with eachother, take your time so that you will feel relaxed, turned on, and comfortable, it will make the actually penetration much much easier becasue you will be naturally lubricated and your muscles should be relaxed. 

I also think you guys should talk before the actual wedding night about what you’re comfortable doing, that you might tell him to stop or wait, that you might not want to go straight for the penetration and take an hour or so exploring eachother, stuff like that. If you’ve talked about it before the actual moment it will be much easier to bring up how you’re feeling in the moment. I find that discussing it also takes a lot of the pressure off! You didn’t say if your fiance is a virgin or not but if he’s also inexperienced he might be nervous too, if he’s nervous he might have a hard time maintaining an errection. He might be worried about being able to please you, so if you guys talk about how penetration won’t be the only pleasurable activity it should alleviate pressure off both of you.

Finally I would say do your best to be interested. Show a little enthusiasm! Even if you’re nervous the saying “fake it till you make it” applies. Don’t fake pleasure, but if something does feel good express that, with words or noises or body movement. If something doesn’t feel good, stop it and move on to something else. ALSO don’t be embarassed of any funny noises, sex can be kind of funny sometimes especially when you don’t know what you’re doing. 

Post # 22
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Honestly, I would recommend waiting until the morning after! Weddings are exhausting. You’re up super early in the morning and busy all day long and into the late night. As soon as we got back to our suite I took a shower to get all the teasing and hair spray gunk out of my hair and literally cried in the shower because my feet hurt so bad lol. When I finally got out my husband was out like a light and I was soooo relieved. We probably had some of the best sex that next morning when we were still on a high from the big day but not so exhausted. 

As for it being your first time, just take things slow and do what feels right. Don’t be afraid to let your husband know what feels good and what doesn’t, you deserve to enjoy it too! 

Post # 23
1189 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
mrswaynnneee :  “Blood is mostly a myth.”

Given how many Bees said that they bled when losing their virginity (I also bled the first time), it’s clearly not a myth. 

So, OP, you might bleed, and it might be painful. It was for me. Please don’t feel pressure to have sex on your wedding night just because it’s your wedding night; if you’re not ready, you’re not ready and that’s absolutely okay and acceptable. Everyone else’s advice (aside from the “myth of bleeding”) is good! 

Post # 24
238 posts
Helper bee

So much good advice and I am so excited for you! 

Have you ever pleasured yourself? Knowing what excites your body will help but if you haven’t, no worries, you will figure it all out together! 

Foreplay is super important to me personally. It makes me feel appreciated and loved. 

I have never had to use lube because I am apparently a lube factory hahaha but have it just in case. 

Dont be scared of emotion. You may cry but it will likely be because of the emotions and not pain. 

Pain can be a thing…even for us experienced folks. The body reacts different all the time so please don’t think that your first time will be how it will be every time. 

And I also want to jump on the “it’s ok not to have sex on your wedding night” 

when I got married to my ex, we left early for our hotel …ended up eating a whole pizza in our wedding clothes and then passed out. Sex happened before breakfast the next day hahaha 

Much love, bee! 

Post # 25
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

There might be blood.  Just take it slow, and use lots of lube.  Always pee after sex to help prevent UTIs.  Be open and honest about your feelings.  Tell him what you like and don’t like.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Communicate.  And try not to be too nervous.  Don’t expect it to be perfect the first time either.  Sometimes it takes practice!

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