(Closed) Losing Wedding Mojo

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, I’m sorry!  $800 for a cake is average for a basic cake where I am, but I understand how crazy a price that is!  When I saw that as an estimate, I laughed out loud and thought it was a typo.  Nope..   So I get it.

Honestly, we got my parents and FIs parents to commit to a number they were willing to contribute towards the wedding.  We then had a budget of how much we could spend, and that was it.  I talk to my mother about prices about places, but I don’t tell my Future Mother-In-Law costs of things, because she doesn’t need to know.  She knows her funds are going to help us plan our special day, and really, that’s all that matters. 

You can’t tell people how to spend their money, and your Future Mother-In-Law shouldn’t be criticizing your mother’s choices.  Politely explain to her that’s how much a wedding cake costs, and that it’s very helpful for your mom to help cover that.  She doesn’t have to help, you’re absolutely right – so be grateful for what she is doing, and try not to stir the pot!

Good luck with all of this; finances seem to bring out the worst in people in terms of weddings. Just remember, you’re marrying your best friend, and the whole wedding will be worth it when you put on that gorgeous dress and walk down the aisle to him.

Post # 5
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Brenut22:  Oof, can you pull the, “We want you to enjoy the day, and not have to be worried about baking a cake” line??  The last thing any of you need is someone stressed about a detail that could have been handled professionally in the time leading up to your wedding!

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Perhaps your mother is doing this because she specifically doesn’t want Future Mother-In-Law to make the cake; was she unhappy with the job?  There’s no way to say that to Future Mother-In-Law without being offensive but it’s possible Future Mother-In-Law suspects this and that’s why she’s so upset as well.

If I were you, I would consider the cake itself a gift instead of the money going into the cake.  My parents have offered to cover the bar at my wedding, and even though I’d rather that same amount of money be used somewhere else (like with a DJ), I know that element is really important to them so I understand why they’re covering it since I’m not willing to shell out as much for alcohol.  I consider the bar coverage their gift because that’s an element that they want to be the absolute best.  

Maybe you could tell Future Mother-In-Law that your mom just really wanted to gift the cake to you for some significant reason that doesn’t actually exist (she promised you when you were little, or she always dreamed about the cake at her daughter’s wedding being just so when she held you as a baby, etc.)?

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