Post # 1
Some of the bees know my sisters story, the long and short of it is that she’s been struggling with an eating disorder for over 10 years. She’s been hospitalized many times and had done inpatient and outpatient stays at various facilities. She got very sick back in feb 2017 and was hospitalized with renal failure. She came out of it by a miracle and has since turned her life around. She enrolled back in college, was getting straight As in school, got a great job, had a boyfriend, making friends again and getting back in contact with old ones… things were seriously going in the right direction.
out of nowhere two days ago I got frantic texts from my mom telling me to come home my sister is bad. I got there fast but I was too late. She was found on her bed and she passed away. This is sudden and a shock and I feel like my heart is broken. Thinking back on the last few weeks I know she had a cold and a very bad cough. She was on antibiotics I warned her it could turn to pneumonia and that she should go back to the dr. The paramedic who tried to resuscitate her said there was blood in her lungs. Maybe her body just had its toll taken on it through all the years of starvation and it just couldn’t fight this.
I have no idea what happened but I can reconcile with this. She was 31. She was kind and smart and beautiful and everyone loved her. I am distraught, heartbroken, but also so angry. I don’t understand it and I can’t wrap my head around it. We were only 19 month apart in age and she was my best friend. I tried to text her yesterday to ask her for her opinion on the flowers we were going to buy and then I stopped because I realized they are for her funeral. How do I go on?
Post # 2
Cheekie0077 : I’m so very sorry for your loss. My sister was killed in a car accident when we were in high school and when you lose someone so close to you so suddenly it’s really hard to process. You go on by taking it one day at a time. Do not fight your feelings – you need time to mourn. You will always miss her (some days more than others), but the day to day pain does lessen with time. It will always suck and it will never be fair, but you need to learn how to accept those feelings without letting them rule your life forever. Do what you feel you need to (talk to a friend/counselor, punch a pillow, scream into universe, run until you fall over, whatever) and remember that she would want you to continue on and be happy.
Post # 3
I am so very deeply sorry for your loss. I have a sister and reading your post brought tears to my eyes. Nothing, no words, nothing will help this pain you are going through. My best advise to you would be to embrace the grief. It sounds silly, how can you embrace something so heartbreaking but you must allow your body to grieve, cry, be angry, be sad, be confused, let every emotion run it’s course. You will continue to grieve but you will learn to make peace with it. I lost someone very close to me almost 10 years ago now and I still can’t think about her without getting sad, but I am learning to live with it and eventually you will too. But for now my heart is with you and your family through this heartbreak and I am thinking of your sister and may she be in peace.
Post # 4
Oh bee, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Post # 5
I am so very sorry for your loss
Post # 6
I’m so sorry. Time is the only thing to lessen your grief, but it’s always there. My sister was killed on her way home from the gym when I was in high school and that day will always stay with me. There’s days now where I don’t think of her, and other where she’s close in my mind. She was my only sister, and it’s still rough seeing lots of memes/posts about how amazing sisters are. I mourn the fact that I never got to know her an adult. I mourn the fact that my children never knew their aunt. Most of all, I mourn the fact that my poor parents lost their child. It really, irrevocably changed them. You should never outlive your child. I know it’s hard, but please take care of your parents, too.
Hugs to you.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a close in age sister and we are best friends too so I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I just lost my father almost three months ago in a sudden, traumatic way, I think sudden death can be harder to cope with as opposed to a death that was more expected. It is so hard to wrap your head around sudden death, there is no warning, you just wake up one day without that person. It’s very traumatic. All I can say is to let yourself grieve the way you need to grieve. I feel society expects us to move on fast after the death of a loved one, but don’t let anyone pressure you into moving on faster than you need. You never “move on”, just just come to place of acceptance and you realize that you have to continue to live your life each day. I agree with the PP who said to embrace the grief. I’m allowing myself to feel everything I need to feel, and i know my feelings reflect on the great love I had for my father. Spend a lot of time with your mom and give each other comfort…just being together is a comfort. You will always be sad but you will be able to live you life in time.
Post # 8
I’m so so sorry for your loss.
Post # 9
Cheekie0077 : oh my god, I am so sorry, sweet bee. So so sorry. Please lean on your loved ones right now and take each day as it comes. Thinking of you and your family and sending you so much love.
Post # 10
Cheekie0077 : Oh dear bee. My heart is breaking for you and your family. I have no words of advice. Just prayers and sympathy. I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
Edited to add: If you have someone close, a spouse or good friend, sometimes it helps to verbalize your thoughts instead of letting them pinball around in your head. Ask that trusted person to just listen, hold your hand, let you cry, whatever. No advice, just a release of emotion. My best friend’s mom passed away 2 weeks ago and we’ve had a few of those sessions together. Its also ok to just have someone hold you while you cry. Sometimes the pain is too deep for words. The first time I saw my aunt after her son (my cousin) died unexpectedly last year, I held her for a solid 20 minutes while she cried. I just rubbed her back gently, rocked softly back and forth, and murmurred quitely.
Post # 11
aoifeo : this exactly. It’s been nearly 20 years since I lost my sister and most days I’m totally fine. I’ve made peace with her loss for the most part. But this year driving home from Christmas Eve I lost it and started sobbing. I had just watched my daughter open all her gifts from my parents and I remembered my childhood going to my grandparents’ on Christmas Eve and getting dressed up in my fancy dress with my cousins and ripping into presents together, playing, and eating way too many cookies. That’s an experience my daughter will never have – she will not have any cousins on my side. She will never know the aunt for whom she is named. I’m mourning a loss for my daughter that she will never understand for herself.
Post # 12
Bee, I am so deeply sorry for your loss, I have no words that will take away the pain but am here for you if you need it. Big hugs.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY
I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁 I have three sisters and I just can’t fathom. If I could take away your pain I would 🙁
Post # 14
I’m so very sorry for your loss. That must be devestating. I don’t have any advice but wanted to send you my condolences. Hugs.
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
This is heartbreaking. So so sorry for your loss. We were lucky that my sister has remained healthy since being hospitalised for her eating disorders many years ago. It’s so unfair that this has happened. Your sister sounded like a lovely person. I don’t have advice to offer, I really hope you have a good support network around you. Hugs bee.