Post # 1
Firstly, for context, I’m in the UK where things are moving forward a bit faster with the vaccine than Stateside, and our Prime Minister has stated that by June 21st EVERYTHING here should be back to normal, including not wearing masks and not having to social distance. Personally I think that that is massively ambitious and I don’t believe for a second that come the 22nd June we’ll all be wandering around hugging people with no masks on, which really is the crux of the problem I think. We are booked to get married on the 3rd July this year.
I haven’t done any planning – bar buy bridesmaids dresses online, send off photos for some bouquet charms and order some samples of invites that I haven’t yet managed to motivate myself to send the details through fully to get them printed and sent to us – since September last year. I have no idea what I want in terms of venue decoration. Haven’t thought about favours or the sweet cart we wanted to do or getting extra entertainment for the children who’ll be there. I don’t really care what I want for make up or hair and my OH is equally as unenthused about booking appointments for finding a suit. I just feel so down about the whole endeavour. I want to marry my OH, absolutely, and I have no doubts about that but I honestly feel totally robbed of the whole wedding experience.
We went to one wedding fair before lockdown happened (got engaged in late September 2019) and booked our venue after seeing about five others. We’ve not even been in the church we’re getting married in before because we moved to the village about a month before we got engaged, and thought we’d go to services closer to the time of our marriage. The Church has been closed since last March and has no plans to reopen before at least the start of June. When I go get my dress fitted only my mum can come. I found my bridesmaids dresses online because it was feeling too dangerous to not have anything – when I got engaged me and my bridesmaids (and MOB/MOG) planned a full day shopping trip with afternoon tea and all the trimmings. I don’t get a hen do. My honeymoon is looking like it’ll be sometime late 2022. As for cake and menu tasting – forget it, those aren’t happening any more. Our reception venue does an incredible Sunday lunch that we wanted to take both sets of parents to to show them around about a month before the wedding; that’s not happening any more. Every little detail that was things I’d thought about in those months before we got engaged and long before that even. Just gone.
I’ve got the ‘important’ things done – dress, shoes, rings, hair/make up/photo and video/transport and venues booked, but all the trimmings… I just. Meh. CBA. It feels like a business deal now. And I feel so sorry for my OH, because he is so excited to just be married and spend the rest of our lives together – I must stress, I feel that way too – but we all know how men don’t grow up with the same wedding day dreams, do they?
I know I’m not alone in this boat and we’re all having to adapt and come to terms with things not being as ‘perfect’ as they could be but how do I pull myself out of this hole?
Post # 2
From what it sounds like here, you’re going to have a beautiful wedding! You get to wear a wonderful dress, and it sounds like you’ll have your hair and makeup professionally done. Your bridesmaids will be wearing dresses you picked out for them. You’ll be getting married in a church and then having a reception at a venue that sounds very nice. You’ll have professional photos and videos to capture your day. Honestly, it sounds like you have an amazing wedding planned with many of what I would consider extras or “trimmings” (such as bridesmaids dresses and a videographer) already in place. You’re even going to have a sweet cart! Maybe you and your guests will be wearing masks and social distancing on the day itself, but is that really so bad? Maybe you won’t get to take your honeymoon until 2022, but is that really so bad? Your wedding sounds awesome and I think you should focus on all of the wonderful things you have gotten to do and all of the ways you will get to celebrate your day with your loved one.
I live in the US and our wedding is in October of this year. Due to covid, we planned a 25 person wedding in a lovely little cabin. Most of my friends and family who will be attending are already vaccinated, including my fiance and I, but depending on how things are, we might still be wearing masks. It’s not what I envisioned when I first got engaged, but I’ve come to love it and I’m so excited for our special day.
You’re allowed to be frustrated, but it helps to put things in perspective. Your wedding sounds great! So many people who got married in the middle of the pandemic had to cancel their weddings altogether. And like you said, the most important part of all this is that you get to marry the man you love.
Post # 3
I feel this Bee. I’m getting married May 2022 and I also have very little motivation to get things done. This pandemic has made everything so difficult.
That said, it does sound like you’re going to have a beautiful wedding! I know it seems hard to imagine right now but after the wedding, I’m sure you’ll look back on it with fond memories of you and your husband and your family all together.
As for your honeymoon, could you spend a few days in a hotel somewhere local? That way it wouldn’t feel like you’re just having a wedding and going straight back to normal life but you’d have something to look forward to. You mentioned the Prime Minister so I’m guessing you’re in England. The Dales would be a beautiful place to spend a few nights. I’m not sure where that is in relation to you but I lived in York for a bit and I think the Dales is still one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been.
Post # 4
First of all, don’t put any stock into what Boris Johnson is saying. While he has taken COVID a bit more seriously than Donald Trump, Johnson was completely out of touch for the first several months of the pandemic and his current efforts are still inadequate. The scientific fact is that there is NO WAY whatsoever that things will be totally back to normal by June 21st. That may be the day when everything totally opens (safe or not), but open doesn’t mean back to normal.
Pull yourself out this hole by telling yourself that you’re going to make the best of a situation that has persisted since early 2020 and will not be safe for large maskless weddings for some time to come. You are going to get married, you are (hopefully) going to have all of the most important people in your life in attendance. You were robbed of part of the wedding experience you wanted. But we were all robbed of some aspect or another of our lives. Graduations, proms, trips, seeing elderly relatives that may not be around much longer. No one has escaped unscathed. We have a bee, sbl99, who lives in the Australian state of Western Australia, anyone there being among the luckiest in the world in having a great degree of normality (almost on par with New Zealand). She has told us that even her life has changed in some dramatic ways.
Your wedding doesn’t need to be elaborate, and there may have to be masks and some distancing. But your day will be special and beautiful and you will remember it as a shining light in the darkness of a global pandemic.
You say you don’t get a “hen do”. What is that? I’m in the US and familiar with many parts of British English, but I never heard of that.
Post # 5
Just want to say that I’ve felt very similar to this during our wedding planning. I’m in the UK too. I got engaged in November 2019 and booked a January 2021 date about a month before corona hit. I tried to do all the normal things and booked everything virtually, but every time I tried to do something ‘normal’ it just kept getting cancelled or changed. I booked a dress visit with my mam and both sisters, then got told the day before I could only have 2 guests, not three so I had to disappoint someone. We all had to wear rubber gloves (which isn’t the worst thing, but I was frustrated I couldn’t actually feel the fabric before I had to make a choice). My sister planned a hen do when we could do ‘rule of six’ gatherings and then a few days before we moved to tiers and we were in Tier 3 so that suddenly got cancelled. I’d been looking forward to it for weeks. We met up on zoom instead. We didn’t get a menu tasting like we thought, we haven’t been back to the venue since we booked it like we wanted.
We decided in October to move the big celebration to January 2022 (along with a vow renewal) knowing we probably wouldn’t be back to normal and got used to the idea of having 11 guests (not even all my immediate family), doing my own hair and make up, no cake, no speeches, no dancing on the actual date but just happy to be getting married. Then we went into lockdown and I had to cancel that too. We moved the date for the mini wedding to April 17th (the only date we could get with our venue in the ’15 people allowed’ window) and the threat of the lockdown easing dates being moved has been so stressful that I’ve lost all enthusiasm for it. We even had a moment of stress a few weeks ago when there was announcement that wedding venues ‘didn’t count’ and couldn’t open in April and I almost had a breakdown (thankfully overturned now, but it didn’t take back the awful few days of worry). I’ve been feeling a bit bitter about feeling robbed of any normal experience and barely feel excited at all. If someone could come to our house and get me to just sign the paper and be done with it I’d gladly do that instead.
You are not alone in this. It’s crap. Saying it feels like a business deal is exactly the right way to describe it now. I have things left to do and I’m putting them off. I’m more excited about staying in a cottage a few days afterwards than the day itself.
However, I do try and see the bright side. I am still getting married, and so are you. We will be happy afterwards, I’m sure. We will have a story to tell for years. But your feelings are valid, and I’m sorry for everyone in this situation. My advice for getting out of this funk (which I’m also applying to myself): book an airbnb (to make sure it doesn’t get cancelled) for the week after somewhere picturesque and know you can save up for a big blow out next year. Look back at pictures of your venue and how lovely it’s going to be. Read through your vows again and imagine saying them at the altar – that won’t change no matter what else does. We’ll both get through this, and I’m sure your day will end up being wonderful with lots of lovely memories.
Post # 6
A hen do is a bachelorette party, basically