Lost and confused, SO thinks I will "ruin him"

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

RunLift1234 :  If marriage and children are something that you want and he does not, then you two are incompatible and you should move on. 

Post # 3
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

Marriage issue aside – if you want kids and he doesn’t, then you have a glaring incompatibility. 

Post # 4
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

He is telling you he doesn’t want to get married or have kids ever.  He literally told you that marriage will “ruin” him.  If you want marriage and children, this is not the guy for you.  

You are not being a bad girlfriend by considering your wants and needs first and foremost.  Will you be happy being his girlfriend in 5 years,10 years, 20?  Would you be ok remaining childless forever?  If not, it’s time to consider your wants and needs first.  Personally, I think moving out and focusing on your career is a good starting place.   

Post # 5
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Bee, this man has ISSUES, BIG ISSUES – and its not your job/probably not possible for you to fix them.

Thank him for his time and support and GTFO

Post # 7
Member
895 posts
Busy bee

Staying with a guy who wants significantly different things in life from you isn’t being a good girlfriend – it’s being a good doormat. 

You know it’s time to leave. Pull the bandaid off and let your healing begin. Good luck, Bee!

Post # 8
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

RunLift1234 :  Your statement here is more than enough reason to end the relationship, “In addition he also never wants kids and I do.”

You’re not compatible. This won’t work. 

Post # 9
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

RunLift1234 :  You deserve and will find a man who WANTS the things you want and cant wait to give them to you!

I had plenty of crap relationships including 7 years with a man who hemmed and hawed about marriage.

Meeting my fiance was totally different. Within a month he was defining the relationship, around 6 months he let slip that he planned to marry me, on our one year anniversary he proposed. We are both on the same page and excited and doing things together. Its sooo worth it to keep looking until you find the one who cant wait to build a life with you!

Post # 10
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I’d wait until you graduate to move out. Honestly, he doesn’t want kids or to get married. You’re young and will find someone who actually appreciates you if you move on. Don’t try and change him or wait and see if he changes himself- it won’t happen. 

Post # 12
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

RunLift1234 :  I think he’s using that as an excuse because he doesn’t want to marry YOU, sorry bee. My husband told me he always thought he’d never get married because of his parents terrible divorce, never wanted to have kids because of his terrible upbringing, but that all changed once he met me.

Apart from the marriage thing, he doesn’t want kids and you do! Don’t stay with him hoping he will change his mind about things that you know you want.

If I were you, I’d be out sooner than later.

Post # 13
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper

So you’ve been living together for 5 years and you haven’t paid rent or bills for 4 of them? TBH I can see why he’d be concerned.

But honestly, none of that matters. Kids is a huge issue. If you don’t agree on that I don’t understand why you’re considering a future. 

Post # 14
Member
2307 posts
Buzzing bee

jellybellynelly :  I’m very much on this page.  

OP, if you want kids and he does not, you are not compatible.  There is not compromise on kids.  

But also, I know you had to move for him, but why are you still not helping with the bills?  I actually can see his concern and maybe you need to show him that you want to be a partner in this relationship?  

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