(Closed) lost bridesmaid in car accident, how can I keep her memory in my wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

So sorry for your loss.  Maybe you could lay her bouquet down where she would have been standing?  I am paying tribute to my late brother by placing a single flower on an empty seat at the front on my way up the aisle – maybe something similar as an acknowledgement that she should have been there and is missed.

Post # 18
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t have any suggestions, but I just want to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the perfect way to honor her.

Post # 19
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry for your loss. Perhaps you could give her mother a flower to wear that day, or a small bouquet or single flower like the one she would have had if she had been there to be a bridesmaid.

I had bouquet charms made for my wedding with pictures of my grandparents, because some one had passed away and the others couldn’t be there for me. I got them on etsy & absolutely loved them. My entire family knew (my aunt even borrowed my bouquet during the reception to go show our other family members), but it was subtle enough that it wasn’t overly sad. Plus, I loved having them “walk” down the aisle with me since they couldn’t be there.

We also mentioned them in our programs.

Another idea… did she have a favorite charity? Perhaps in lieu of favors, you could donate to “her” charity. 

Post # 22
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Could you choose a song that reminds you of her to play while your bridesmaids are processing/walking down the aisle? It wouldn’t need to be mentioned that that is why you chose the song, but it would be something meaningful to those who know.

You could also choose to use her favourite flowers in your bouquet.

Post # 23
64 posts
Worker bee

Is the ceremony outside? If so maybe you could let a single white dove go at the end of the ceremony in her rememberence? You could have the officiant anounce this is why…

Post # 24
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m so sorry for your loss. So sad to hear. I like the locket idea,too.

Post # 25
37 posts


I would advise against the bouquet, but let me explain why.  

My wedding was 8 years following the passing of my mom,and generally I am ok with it.  I miss her but have mostly moved past the crying jags.

At our wedding rehearsal we were running through the ceremony and were getting ready to practice the exchange of roses to our “mom’s”.  In my mother’s place I had chosen my aunt who cared for her to sit in her spot and that I would give her the rose.  The minister forgot that my mom was deceased and  as we were standing there he told us to turn around and focus on our mom prior to moving down the stairs to give the roses to them.  I turned around and saw my wonderful aunt and I promptly burst into tears because all I could think about was how my mom wasn’t there.  It was awful.

My concern is that if you have a bouquet standing where she would have been or waiting for her, the focus for you will be…she should have been here, she is gone.  A great gesture could turn into sadness for you on your happy day.  Roses in a vase as someone else mentioned on a table with maybe a photo would be nice.  You could still give her parents the flowers. 

Or-in the program you could have a line at the bottom dedicating the service to her and perhaps give one of the altar arrangements to her parents or something.

Just my two cents. 



Post # 26
490 posts
Helper bee

My heart aches for her little boy.

Do something that has sentiment to you, you don’t need to share with others what you’re doing. It won’t become sad if it’s between you and her.

If she loved pink roses, add one pink rose to your bouquet.

If she ever gave you a piece of jewelry, pin it somehow in your bouquet.

Tuck a rhinestone initial pin of her name in your bouquet.

(seems like I’m fixated on bouquets)

So sorry for your loss

Post # 27
365 posts
Helper bee

That is terribly sad.  I am so so sorry.  I think the previous posters have had good ideas with the locket and taking a piece of something she loves and including it in your day.

My dad passed away a few years ago and I am planning to have his photo on a bouquet charm, have a reading prior to our vows dedicating them in memory to those who could not be there, and displaying my parents’ wedding photo somewhere in the reception.  Probably alongside other family wedding portraits on the guestbook table.  I haven’t decided on anything else yet, and these ideas might be too sentimental for what you want, but I hope that you find something meaningful. 

Did she or the two of you have a (happy, fun) song that she/both of you loved?  You could play that at the reception with or without the MC doing a dedication.  That might be a nice way to celebrate her memory.

Post # 29
81 posts
Worker bee

My sincerest condolences for your loss. You’re a sweetheart for wanting to remember and honor her on your wedding day.

You could wear a piece of her jewelry, or perhaps use a scarf of hers tucked under your dress as your “something borrowed.” You could also have the deejay make a toast to her at the reception. The locket idea is really wonderful. 

Post # 30
875 posts
Busy bee

My cousin had a similar situation at her wedding, and presented a bouquet to her childhood best friend’s mother during the ceremony.  (It was very emotional for the parents…who had lost their daughter in a car accident, and I think was unexpected… so they were unprepared.  If I were you, I would think of someway of making her family know that you were recognizing them as being important and honored because of your dear and precious friendship with her.  Perhaps include them in the rehearsal dinner and present them with a gift of a special photo or framed poem.  Perhaps have her son carry a special charm along with the rings that can be given to him to keep and pass on to his own bride someday.

Post # 31
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think someone mentioned this, but I like the idea of a bouquet being laid in the spot where she would have stood in the ceremony.

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