Lost fiance two years, had breakup,and seeing others have good experiences

posted 5 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8957 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

First step, counseling. I know if money is tight there are online counseling services that are discounted. I think Talk Space is the name of one.

I understand that life has dealt you some blows but you can’t allow that to make you bitter and resentful. Would your life be better without friends? Surely, not. Your day will come, even if it doesn’t seem like it right this second.

If money is an issue there are always more ways to make money. 

Post # 4
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hugs bee.  I know you’re going through trying times. I’d suggest counseling if it’s an option.  I definitely understand money being tight.  My family owned a small business and money was always tight and we never went on vacation both because dad couldnt get away and because we couldn’t afford it.  I think the first trip the family took was spring break after I graduated high school. I’m also an older bee.  I’m 36 and just married for the first time a week and a half ago. We both joke that we had no idea a year ago that we’d be married now. In fact,  I asked do why he never asked me out(i asked him out via FB messenger when I got tired of waiting for him to ask me out) and he flat out told me he had given up on dating. I’m just saying that even after you think you’re done with the hassle,  you never know what the future holds. 

Im so sorry for your losses,  but i may have some travel advice :p.  I’m frugal and so is do,  but we like to get away,  so we are campers.  Now camping can be an expensive hobby,  but it can also be cheap.  Buy equipment off Craigslist and keep to free campgrounds.  It’s a great way to do an economical road trip. 

There are also so pretty good travel deals on Groupon that include airfare.  Also,  cruising with a group(that will connect you with a roomie) can be very cheap and all food is taken care of.  They do add tips at the end,  so you have to budget for that too.   

I hope you can find a way to do some of that travel you seem to be craving. Maybe start with something small. You don’t have to go to expensive attractions.  Dh and I just got back from our honeymoon and we budgeted $2000 for everything,  accomadation, souvenirs, good,  airfare,  car, gas,  etc.  

Also,  there are travel meet-up for singles and single women so that might get you with a group that shares your interests. 

Post # 6
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Hello, I’m sorry for your losses.  I understand grief, my second husband died a few years ago.  May I suggest going on Facebook and looking for the support group Young, Widowed & Dating.  I’m part of it and it is a great comfort and support for those who need it.  A lot of people who have big breakups after the loss of a significant other spiral into a different kind of depression.  You are not alone. *hug*

Post # 7
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

mcal85 :  hi there. I completely understand feeling like counseling won’t help – I’ve had times when I felt that way, too, and the thing is, when you’re depressed, you don’t thing ANYTHING could possibly help. 

The only way that things will get better, though, is to take small steps and make small changes to turn things around. As much as your current situation is the result of circumstances beyond your control, your future IS in your control. It’s hard, but you can do things to improve your future.

Counseling is one thing you can do, even if you don’t believe it will help. It’s not embarrassing or weak to need some guidance. It’s building your toolbox so you can take control of your life back. You aren’t happy now – give counseling a chance, there’s really nothing to lose by trying it, is there? If nothing else, you will have someone who will listen to all of the things you feel bad about talking about to your friends – you won’t have to feel guilt about being a “downer,” and the therapist can help you process those feelings in a healthy way.

Once you start to feel more in control, you will start to find the joy in little things again. And the little things will become big things, and while your grief will never completely go away, it will loosen its hold on you enough for you to build the life you want. 

Hugs. 

Post # 8
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I would also recommend counseling. The great thing about therapy is you don’t have to worry about being the “downer friend with a dead fiance” and can open up freely without worry.

But you don’t have to go into it guns blazing right away. Getting to know the therapist for several sessions is a good start. It is so important to find the RIGHT therapist for you and sometimes that means trying out a few different people until you find the right one. They can help address the depression you mentioned and the challenges of watching those around you and later on when you are ready they can help you navigate the loss.

Post # 9
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this and that you feel like you have no one to talk to. But I agree with PPs that counseling is a great way to start healing and coping. They can offer great advise and it’s a safe space to talk freely without feeling like a downer or a burden. 

Heartbreak is a hard thing to get over, especially over unexpected death. If you just need someone to talk to, I’m a licensed therapist and can actually relate to the death of your love one. Just message me privately =)

Post # 10
Hostess
6531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

mcal85 :  hi bee. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what that must be like and how difficult it must be to see others happy but your time will come again. Big hugs. 

Post # 13
Member
1967 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Counseling has really been helpful for me. Just because your family was against it doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from it. 

Post # 15
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

There’s no way around it—what happened to you was awful beyond comprehension. It’s well within your rights to want to mourn the love and future life that you lost. You can do that for as long as you want; you don’t have to apologize for your feelings.

Really the only thing you can control in your life right now is you. Good (and bad) things will continue to happen to other people; that’s beyond your control. You can choose to try different things and see what happens, or not.

I’m sorry you’re hurting. I won’t pretend to see into the future, but I do know that only you can make the choice of what to do next.

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