(Closed) Lost in life. Feel like life is an empty abysses, empty shell of who I once was

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

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tracyb101:  You sound legit depressed. I think you need more guidance than what a wedding planning site can offer. Depression is a medical condition, totally treatable. You have nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about.

NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group 800-826-3632

Post # 3
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Wow bee, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It definitely sounds as though you have depression and if you don’t want to take medication that’s fine but consider counseling, including grief counseling to help you cope with the loss of your parent. I lost my mom last November and it rocked my world in a big way. Grief counseling was soo helpful to me.

I find buddhist teachings to be particularly helpful with regard to my mental health; not from a religious sense but from a philosophical sense. Perception is reality. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Hugs bee, please take care of yourself and reach out for help from those around you. 

 

Post # 4
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Oh bee, this is so hard and I’m so sorry – dealing with chronic illness is so challenging. Along with mourning losing a parent and changes in your life, it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed and sad. You are not alone in battling depression, but there is a way out, you CAN feel better. Also, treatment for depression is not only done through medication. Please please visit a doctor, therapist, or call a hotline like a previous poster said, to discuss options. Don’t wait! I wish you all the best and hope you find support soon.

Post # 5
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

With love and kindness, more people go through this than most realize. It just is not talked about very often unfortunately. Depression is a chemical imbalance, pils just don’t “hide” an issue. It helps balance dopamine, the chemical in the brain that replenishes good stimuli. Having ice cream, sex, xtacsy, ect… Please get the help you need. Not just for medication but to talk to someone. At the very least buy a cheap little notebook and write this down. Pouring out emotions onto paper is so helpful. Then you can keep it or burn it. One exercise that helped me was to go in a peaceful room, no sound or distractions. Light a candle and just write whatever is in your brain until you have nothing left, no erasing, no editing, just write it out without looking back. Also physical activity, smacking the shit out of tennis balls at a high school tennis wall- the self play practice kind while blasting whatever music works for you. 

Hugs bee. So many have felt this way. Myself included at times. You are not alone

Post # 6
Member
4844 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Been there. Depression is a little asshole that convinces you of these things. It’s not true. None of it. People love you and would be devastated if you left. I also have an autoimmune disease, though it’s not severe. I was treated for very low b12 and d and a lot of my depression symptoms have resolved. Please please see a Doctor. This is treatable. 

Post # 7
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

I have two auto-immune diseases, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was another lurking around yet to be discovered. It doesn’t define you, it doesn’t dictate your life. You are not broken because of it, it’s just a cross you have to bear – everyone has something. Everyone. Chin up, talk to someone if you need, but don’t succumb.

 

Remember the meme: “Auto-immune disease, because the only thing strong enough to kick my ass is ME!”

Post # 8
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Seriously. Call a help line. text the crisis help line If that is easier. Get yourself in the system. There is a light in the tunnel and you are not alone.

 

and maybe think about showing this post to your husband – he loves you, he cares about you and he can help get you to a hospital. I think IT doesn’t sound like a bad idea to get you to one.

Post # 9
Member
9183 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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tracyb101:  Depression sucks. Losing a loved one sucks. Being ill sucks. Feeling lost sucks.

But there is only one person who can do something about this. And that is you.

Don’t let a disease define you. 

Please see a doctor about your health. 

Post # 10
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Take yourself to your primary care doctor and request a referral to a psychiatrist. The sooner you get your brain chemicals back in order, you will start to be able to start piecing your life back together. Right now your mind is telling you lies, and you have no choice but to believe them. 

I have been through this almost exactly. Depression since I was 16 that wasn’t treated until I was in my late 20s and treated properly since 2008. I was dealing with some other things as well, but I have been in that dark place. I was single at the time, with two dogs. I would think about dying everyday. I had the same feelings that no one would miss me, and I wasn’t contributing anything to anyone’s lives. I was numbing myself with drugs and alcohol, and of course, that made everything worse. I just wanted to be in bed all the time. I was almost paralyzed. I could not function like a normal person. I had my car broken into, and I had to call my dad crying and ask what I should do because I just couldn’t handle a normal thing like getting a window fixed. 

I’m just saying, I’ve been there. I know how it feels to be alone in a crowd of people who love you. I was able to get clean/ in recovery, and finally get on the right meds. I actually took a year off work and just worked on recovering. Not everyone has that opportunity. It’s been almost 6 years since the worst of it. I’m doing really well. There is fucking hope for the worst of us.

So, ok, tomorrow, promise you’ll make at least 1 call. A support line….a doctor….better yet, pop on into your local ER. I think you need some help fast. I know you’re trying to down-play it, and trying to reason your way around it. Depression is chemical, and doesn’t respond to the depressed person’s personal efforts to fix it. It’s deceptive, and you’re being deceived by it. You need outside help with this.I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 12
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Telling your husband and showing him this is the first step.  I’m glad you did that.  I agree, it sounds like depression.  Please get professional help.

Post # 13
Member
6161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

You sound like you are in a deep, deep depression. Please get help before this gets worse. Medical professionals see people from all walks of life and ages that are struck with depression,and sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. You will get back to your “old self”, she is still there, but you CAN’T do it alone. 

Best of luck to you ☺

 

And I wanted to add something personal that can maybe help you feel hope. Many years ago my mom went through a dark, scary depression.  As kids we didn’t recognize her for a long time, about 5 years. She wasn’t her old self and said things about life having no reason etc. It was very hard.  I would catch her silently crying. She suffered silently for a long time when her life with her family and my dad seemed great to outsiders. Finally she got help.  With medication and appointments with a psychiatrist she got better a little bit at a time. I am happy to say that 15 years later she is off the medications and joy eminates from her. No one would ever guess that she had suffered so much and what we, as family saw.  

There is hope and you can get better.

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