Post # 1
I’ve been having trouble finding the words to express how I feel. It’s been a little over six months since my father died. Since then, I have gotten engaged, began wedding planning, and postponed wedding planning. Over the next two months, I will graduate college and move in with my fiance, which involves moving to another state. Most days I feel pretty O.K.. Not great, but I am able to focus and get through the day. While other days, like today, I am left feeling alone and upset that I will never see my Dad again. I will never verbally hear that he approves of my fiance. My dad will never walk me down the aisle. He cannot cheer for me at my college graduation, which he encouraged me every day for the last five years… I cannot bring myself to make solid, confident long-term decisions without second guessing myself. I do not know how to move on with my life.
Does any other bees have anyexperience dealing with grieving and being engaged/planning a wedding. Right now, there is no wedding and no planning. We are happy being ‘just engaged’, but there is no excitement.
Post # 2
Bee, I have no real advice, but I just want to say I’m really sorry. Take as much time as you need. 6 months is not long enough to heal after losing such an important person in your life, so I understand why you are struggling to make decisions. Be kind to yourself, and go through the grieving process fully before putting extra pressure on yourself. Hugs xox
Post # 3
Bee, I’m so sorry for your loss . I , too, lost my dad, last year – may. planning my wedding has been the hardest thing to have to get through knowing he won’t be there.
I can tell you that as much as it hurts now, today, every day gets better. every day there will be hurt and sadness but you’ll find that it becomes a different kind of hurt and sadness .
You will get through this. you will move on and graduate, get married . and, your dad will be there to see it all.
I’m sending you hugs.
Post # 4
I know a bit about what you are going through. I lost my dad when I was six, so I never really got the reassurance, but wedding planning was really hard for me. There were some days that I couldn’t do any planning and just couldn’t think about it because I was so upset that he wasn’t going to be there. He never met my now hubby, I don’t know if he would have liked him, I don’t even know if he would have approved of the choices I made in life. It really depressed me at times. I struggled alot. At first it was at the beginning, (we had a two year engagement) , then as wedding planning progressed, I was mostly fine. Once it got closer to the wedding was a different story though, I had trouble when the bridal showers came up. I had trouble when I had to pick a song to dance to with my grandpa and almost cancelled the whole dancing thing but I knew my grandpa was really looking forward to it as none of his girl children ever got married. I put some strict perimeters on what songs we could have (my grandpa wanted to dance to a song called Daddy’s girl in honor of my dad but I just couldn’t) as the wedding got closer I had various breakdowns about this specifically or about other wedding related things and my hubby was the best during this time. I really leaned on him for support. I started to see a therapist because I was really struggling with this, even though in my case, I had always known my father wasn’t going to be around but it still hurt that I was actually living through the events that he wouldn’t be here for. During the wedding week I had one breakdown about it, but I cried it out with my hubby and was to busy to really dwell on it again. During the wedding I cried during my dance with my grandfather but I think its mostly b/c my grandpa cried and made comments about how he wished he was here. It wasn’t an ugly cry, just a few tears. It was reassuring to me that someone else was missing him during this time too.
Because my dad passed away at an early age, I did a couple of things to commemorate him. I had a little dedication area with a rose to honor all of those that we had lost. I also handwrote notes to all of the important father like figures in my life and gave it to them.
I wish I could say that it was easy and it got easier, but it didn’t. It was really hard and I’m so so so sorry that you are going through this. One of the things that my therapist said to me is that if I am happy, he would have been happy too. That honestly helped me so much, because I went through a questioning phase of if he would approve what I’m doing, but I know that all he would have cared about was me being happy. I’m sure that your father felt the same way about you. You can’t do anything about him not being able to be there but you can still honor his memory by being happy and doing things thatake you happy.
Please pm me if you need to talk, I know how hard it can be and how alone you can feel at times. We are all here for you.
Post # 5
Do you find yourself planning a wedding that your dad would wanted or something completely different?
I am wanting an intimate wedding that is non-traditional. I can’t stand to think of having a wedding that is anything ‘traditional’ because there is nothing traditional about my life anymore.
Should I honor what he would choose and suck it up? Or go with what will make me happy… I know he wants me happy no matter what. I believe in an afterlife and that he sees the ‘bigger picture’ now & would probably want me happy.
Post # 6
Thank you. I will PM you now.
Post # 7
my dad would’ve wanted me to express my tastes and be myself. he never wanted me to conform to the norm or ‘put on a show’ to make everyone else happy.
I’m sure your dad would want you to be happy on your day and not fuss over what he wanted. you do what you feel in your heart to be right and most comfortable to you. yield strength from your fiance and let him help – even the smallest things will end up being the biggest help to you.
You’re not alone in the grieving process so please don’t shut out the help.
Post # 8
I know exactly how you feel… Two years ago I lost my mother… and this past March ( a day before the two year anniversary of her death) my father passed… I am getting married next month (less than 5 months after)… and although it was hard planning a wedding without my mom… I at least had my Dad… and then that was taken away… It’s been very hard continuing with the planning knowing my Dad won’t be there to hold on to when I walk down the aisle… and I am dreading doing it… I know I will break down no matter how happy I am… People keep trying to make me feel better saying they will be there with me but I can’t help but feeling alone… Some things that I am doing to keep their presence known during the day are: 1- having a small picture of them on their wedding day attached to my bouquet… 2- Having a photo of each of them on a memory table along with mymom’s favorite flowers and my dad’s favorite Ball cap (Baseball themed wedding)…
Post # 9
i’m sorry for your loss. my dad passed away 4 months before i met my husband. i am very say that my dad didn’t get to see me marry the love of my life, have a child, see the success in my carreer.
take the time to greive and when you are ready, you will know.