- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I am so lost, and I don’t know what to do…
Here is a little background. To go way back I met my first husband my senior year of high school, on spring break in Myrtle Beach. I was from northern Michigan, a 22 hour drive. He lived there and happened to be in the hot tub at our hotel. We spent the whole week together, and when I left to go home, he said he was going to drive up to go to prom with me. And he did 🙂 after we graduated he flew me back to Myrtle Beach to spend some time with him before he went off to boot camp. We had a long distance relationship while he was away, talking about our future and all the things we wanted to do. After bootcamp he was sent to Korea for a hardship tour. Thats when things changed. And in short, he was 20 and ended up marrying a 29 year old Korean woman who didn’t speak english….
Fast forward eight years later. He found me on classmates! He had gotten a divorce and been through a war. He said he never stopped thinking about me and still loved me. He was in Atlanta and I was in Chicago. We had a long distance relationship again, and one day he called me up and said I am moving there I will be there in two days. It was rough at first but we were happy to be with each other.
Fast forward 6 years later, March of 2011. We eloped, just decided to get married. Just the two of us. It changed our relationship, I didn’t think it would be different, but it was so much more, deeper… better…
Three months later he was killed in a motor cycle accident… and then I found out after going through his email, that before we were married he had hired an escort and had sex with her… Devastation and anger, hurt and then numbness…
I started dating two months later… a few guys here and there, but nothing serious. Then I met my current fiance, and he was sweet, kind, honest. And in many ways, the complete opposite of my husband with hobbies and such. Perfect.
We have been together for two years, and getting married in June.
You know that saying “I have found the one with whom my soul loves”? I’ve waited my whole life for you feeling? Well, I don’t have it with him… If he walked out the door tomorrow my life would be no different.
I want to call off the wedding, but we are so intertwined, and I keep thinking about all the people that will get hurt, his family. Mine would support me no matter what as would my friends. His mom has been there for me, I lost my mother in January… His mom is a wonderful person, I would miss her.
We are about to get a $20,000 loan from the equity in MY home that I bought with my settlement from the accident, to help pay for a $30,000 wedding, that I am unsure of!
Help! I don’t know what to do. It would be so easy to stay and be content… But im not happy, and just lost….