Lost trust in my fiance. Wedding in 3 weeks. Help :(

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

mamamia23 :  Of course couples should discuss major changes to their bodies, and don’t anyone tell you otherwise.  Why wasn’t there a marriage when the kid-producing begain.  Why now?  That’s more the issue, although his behavior is more than unacceptable.  Do you have your own bank account – not a joint account.  Does he have life insurance.  You are using extremely effective birth control currently I hope. Why get married now anyway.

Post # 48
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

If finances are an issue, perhaps you should look for a job. I know it’s tough with two young kids but even a part-time job or being a nanny would help out with finances a bit. It can at least help pay for diapers and food while your fiance takes care of the bills. 

As what other posters said, the issue is the impulse buying and hiding things from you and especially the change in your relationship after your firstborn. I can understand why you might want to push the wedding back.

If he spent $1500 on fast food in a year, I don’t see that as a HUGE expense. My husband and I eat out once a week and probably spend more than that on outside-eating expenses. However, if it is $1,500 a month that is definitely way too much!

You can’t marry someone expecting them to change; he has to want to change. It looks like he is avoiding the problem rather than addressing it. In the end, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to stay or not. And having children should be no reason to stay in a relationship you feel it will make you unhappy. That unhappiness will affect your kids later down the road. It’s better to be apart and happy than together and unhappy.

Post # 49
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

testyone :  Hahahahaha. Man I hope you are a troll. Otherwise there is someone so backward out there.

“Why wasn’t there a marriage in place before the child producing began?” 

Coz this ain’t 1950

Post # 50
Member
2482 posts
Buzzing bee

Innerdonught :   Sorry, but although I am a CRONE, not a troll, I also think that many of the saddest stories here are those involving children who might have had the option of a two person family, and didn’t.

Two devoted, committed parents OR MORE (gender optional) who love each other and are non-combative obviously make a bigger safety net, share decision making, provide a breather when things get tough.

I absolutely totally believe that a child can be successfully raised by a single parent, but to dismiss the idea of multiple parent lifestyle as old fashioned or “backward” seems as much exclusionary as saying all children MUST have two married parents.

People who understand good parenting become good parents, whether as married teams, in-it-for-life unmarried teams, or single parents. Respect for EVERYONE who regards child bearing as a serious undertaking!

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