(Closed) Lots of advice needed and rant..

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

My husband and I split up before we even got married and it was a very hard time for me (I didn’t want it). Keeping yourself busy is good. This is the time to do things that you’ve always wanted to, but never got around to…try new recipes, new hobbies, anything to keep your mind off of things. Just don’t make any major life decisions (there’s a list of things not to do after a death or divorce; I can’t remember what’s on it). Moving out will help ease the awkwardness you have going on now, but sometimes the lonliness will be horrible to deal with. If you need to, therapy can help too. I also kept a journal. 

I don’t want to get your hopes up, but sometimes they come back. Just take it day by day and take care of you, first and foremost. 

Post # 3
558 posts
Busy bee

I know it’s hard, but a clean break without seeing him/hearing from him/talking to him anything is best. It will be hard in the beginning, but I feel like it’s a bandaid ripping off. Mourn your relationship, but then try your best to keep your head up and move on! I am so sorry ๐Ÿ™

Post # 4
47457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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MsLittleBookOwl:  It will get easier when you get in your own place. That’s not to say that the pain will go away. It takes time to grieve the end of a relationship.

Post # 5
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Clean break.

You have to stop having hope for someone who not only is ambivalent about you, but straight up doesn’t want you. It is hard and it will hurt but you need to move out, cut contact, and stop waiting on him.  That is when you will start to heal.  You deserve a man who is crazy about you. I have been there.  It will take time but it will get better.  Reject the rejector. 

Post # 6
72 posts
Worker bee

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MsLittleBookOwl:  ๐Ÿ™ I know it is really hard, my ex told me he didn’t love me a few months after setting our wedding date, I moved out 3 weeks after he told me and on my birthday, it was the hardest thing ever but the best thing. I was holding out hope that if I stayed it would make things better but it made it a million times worse. Just thinking about dates to write this and realised yesterday was 3 months since he told me he didn’t love me, I didn’t think of him once yesterday. I have had the best 3 months of the last 5.5 yrs and I haven’t don’t that much lol, I have done what I wanted without worrying about him and what he wants.

Well done for getting the apartment, can you go and stay somewhere sooner? Please don’t stay there if he doesn’t love you staying and looking desperate isn’t the way forward you are strong to stay there and you can be just as strong to be on your own till you find someone worthy of your love big hugs

Post # 7
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I would feel the exact opposite of you. Being around him when he’s being so cold to you when you’re obviously hurting isn’t healthy. He’s told you how he feels and you gotta listen to him (as bad as that hurts). I was engaged in 2011 and out of the blue he broke it off 5 months before the wedding. We tried living together while we sorted out our suddenly seperate lives and it didn’t work, I was devastated when he moved out sooner than expected but you know what? IT WAS FOR THE BEST. 

Do you have somewhere you can stay until you move? He sounds like he really needs space and you could use it to! Don’t get your hopes up but at the same time give him a chance to miss you.


Post # 9
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You may get a talk with him. However, should should probably emotionally prep yourself for the fact that you might not get that speciffic type of closure and see what others ways you can deal with this  situation without having a good, long heart-to-heart. 

Post # 10
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

Please go stay with a friend if at all possible. It will help, I promise. 

Post # 11
2187 posts
Buzzing bee

My BF of a decade behaved the same when he broke up with me, giving me the cold shoulder, refusing to talk or provide explanation. It’s been a couple of years now and the reasons aren’t important to me anymors, time and a clean break are what you need. Therapy helped me learn my ex could not deal with conflict, his feelings, etc and that isn’t what I want in a life partner anyway, someone willing to walk away without even a proper discussion. Move out, closure talks usually aren’t very honest anyway, lots of it’s not you its me.

Post # 14
32 posts

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MsLittleBookOwl:  I haven’t been following your story, but this sentence “I’m constant physically shaking, and he’s just perfectly fine” seems to stick out to me. It appears your Ex is either two things:

1) He is not doing okay but is holding it together. 

2) He left the relationship mentally a long time ago and he’s ready to move on. 

I suspect that it’s number 2, that he had decided earlier before the break up that he was done and now he is just waiting for you to move on as well. I think you are doing yourself more damage by hoping that he comes back, even in fantasy. If men really want a relationship to survive, they fight for it. It seems he has given up on the battle. “he promised we would at least talk about us once.” If he hasn’t approached you and seems hesitiant on talking to you, this is a huge sign that he is gone. I’m going to say this, not to hurt you but to help you move on, he is most likely just being cordial so that you move out without any drama. My advice is to do that. Move out and move forward without him. Be the best version of yourself and not beg him to try to fix things. Don’t get revenge. Move out and move forward! ๐Ÿ™‚

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