(Closed) Lots of military wedding questions!!!

posted 6 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Re – Shower Etiquette

First off, and most importantly the B&G NEVER do the inviting… someone “throws” the party for you, in your honour.  As the Bride you’ll get “some” input (good for points of etiquette) but in the end, it really is the party throwers responsibility / onus to get things right (YOU can only be gracious no matter what happens)

Second, whether JUST Wedding Attendees or Others (non-Invites) make the list is pretty much a regional thing I think.

Where I live, it is totally acceptable for Wedding Showers to be held for a Bride by those who may not be invited…

Such as Co-Workers – Friends of one’s Parents – the “Church” Ladies etc.

In addition there are the more traditional showers which are usually organized by one of the Bridesmaids (or MOH) and given for the Bride with Invites in attendance, such as ALL the Ladies…

OR if more than one shower is held … then perhaps one that sees her College / Uni Friends in Attendance… (in this case, the party theme is usually more lighthearted… so could be a Lingerie Party – Jack & Jill Garden Party / BBQ / Camping / Sporting Equipment / Home Tools / Home Bar / Wine Cellar etc theme… whatever reflects the Couple’s Interests)

When I was married the first time 30+ Years ago, I was “blessed” in that I grew up in a small town, and ended up with many showers in the month or so before my wedding…

Although back then, not all of us couples lived together, so I was setting up a house from scratch.  The Showers held for me went a long way to out-fitting my kitchen, bath and bedroom accessories / needs…

This time round…

I really am not expecting any Showers as a second-time Bride… as showers are far more common for NEW Brides and not us “Mature” ones.

 

Post # 5
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m not sure how the Marines work, but I didn’t get DH’s official graduation date until he was there for about 2 weeks.  He is Navy, so that would have left me with about 6 weeks to plan.  Since Marine bootcamp is longer, I would guess you would have at least 6 weeks, if not more.

I found this site that has a list of all the graduation dates up through the end of 2012.  So, I would imagine once you knew his platoon number, you would know his graduation date once they put the 2013 ones up.  That date would then be set in stone, unless he gets hurt or something happens where his graduation date would get pushed back.  But, that’s something you can’t plan for anyway.

I think as long as you have a few places lined up, you can really do all the decor ahead of time.  Then, once you find out the date, send the invites.  If it’s small, it’s easier to plan and then change plans if needed.

I do believe the Marines get time after boot to come home, so that would be a perfect solution for you guys!!  Good luck! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@SouthernBee91:  Anytime!! πŸ™‚  I know it can be really tough to plan around the military schedule.  You may want to look into your state’s laws regarding marriage licenses.  Some allow you to get them ahead of time, some have a waiting period, etc.  Depending on the laws, you’ll want to decide when exactly you will get it.  You might be able to get the license right before he leaves and it would still be good when he gets back, so that would be one less thing to worry about.  Or, if you have a waiting period, you know that as soon as he gets home, you’re going to the courthouse. 

Also, he will want to check at bootcamp regarding getting permission to get married over leave if that’s something he needs.  We were married before bootcamp, but I know if guys got married after boot, they needed special permission.  Anyway, it’s just good to find out as much as possible beforehand so you don’t have surprises. πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Are you planning a “big” wedding after bootcamp or doing the JOP thing? If you are putting a lot of money into the wedding make sure you get insurance that will cover you.

The reason I say that is I would hate to see him sprain an ankle or something (I hope not, but injuries sometimes happen) and bootcamp graduation could get delayed and you’re out money on the wedding.

Just something to think about!

Post # 11
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would wait to set any dates or places in stone until you KNOW he has leave approved. I’ve seen many situations where someone’s leave is not approved… and the person tries to plead their case with well I already booked this, I’m going to lose my money on my flight… and EVERY time I’ve heard this “You should have waited until your leave was approved” 

 

With that being said.. I would so plan out everything else (decor, dress, flowers, bridal party if you’re having one, etc) and maybe give your guest a heads up saying hey this is my timeframe!

Post # 12
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@subbywife11:  I’ve heard the permission thing too. I’m pretty sure it’s only an enlisted requirement. Since I’ve had fellow Navy Officers go get married on leave with out even saying a word. With that being said I have never heard of a sailor getting denied that request!!! I think its one of those things that traveled over from old traditions and very young enlisted personelle.

Post # 13
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

 @SouthernBee91: 30 is a good number! It’s about what we had at ours :). Look into wedsafe and wedsure. There’s a lot of information on google. I didn’t use it though, so I’m not 100% sure how it works/if it’s worth it. 

@Woodstock:  My husband is a Navy Officer and he didn’t need permission. I didn’t know anyone needed “permission” to be married in the military at any point in time. Interesting! You learn something new every day.

 

Post # 14
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@thursdayschild:  that’s what I was saying. I think it is only an enlisted requirement… or a requirement for the brand new enlisted… probably old tradition from them making sure the youngin’s weren’t doing something stupid. Also I wanted to make sure he had his leave approved before she booked anything… 

Post # 16
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@SouthernBee91:  Well, to be honest, it is a LOT easier to be legally married ahead of time.  It’s really not for everyone to do the JOP route, though.  But, in your case, it may make things easier in the long run. If you were to go that route, he would get BAH while in bootcamp, which is a nice chunk added to his pay.  And, you could get your dependent ID card while he’s there, which makes getting onto base and everything easier.  The paperwork you would fill out after boot if you get married then would be to add you as a dependent, but if you’re married before, he just fills it out in bootcamp.

Personally, we did it all before bootcamp and he left a few months later.  Even though it was a short time together, I don’t regret being married beforehand at all.  It may be worth you guys just revisiting that idea to see all your options out on the table.  If you’re going to get married at some point, making it legal now will just save you time later, but again, that route isn’t for everyone.

ETA:  And, yes, it’s true that Navy enlisted normally have to get a marriage cleared by their command first.  But, I think that’s mostly just when they’re on student status right after boot and through A School.  It’s also not a big deal, more just letting them know it’s happening.  I think once you’re actually attached to a command that’s not really necessary.

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