(Closed) Love after a broken engagement

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

I had a broken engagement. It was horribly heartbreaking. I’m sorry you are going through this….I focused for a long time on my healing. It was hard. It wasn’t just a break up, it was broken dreams for the future. Everything aches. i cried iften. But I focused on my healing: working out, eating right, reading inspiration books, spending time with friends, watching comedies, ext. It does get better with time. Not overtime, but true and slow time. Tine went by sooo slowly and agonizing, but it was worth it. I decided I didn’t want to date till I was 100% happy being single (not just over it). And for ME, it worked out great….everuhjng happens for the best. If he and I would have been married, we would have been divorced within 5 years. I am now married to an amazing man, who is 100x better than anything I ever imagined or hoped for. There is a rainbow   in the sky, after the rain. 

Post # 4
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

My sympathy on the ending of your relationship and good luck in your future endeavors. Yes there is love after a broken engagement. Years ago I was engaged to someone, I was deployed and received an email saying he had met someone and was in fact going to marry her while I was still in Iraq. I was devastated.  Thought my life was over. However I picked myself up, came back from my deployment and started over again. I worked on myself, went through a ton of bad dates that were so bad I could probably write a book about and then eventually met my now husband. 

Just focus on your healing for now and it will happen when it happens and you will be alot wiser.

Post # 5
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I’m going through a similar at the moment! We had been engaged for 18 months, together for 6.5 years. My way of coping right now is just by thinking about how I am in control of my life again. As you mentioned you had realised some bad traits of hism just focus on the fact that you dont have to put up with that anymore. I still cry but the tears are flowing less and less, and I am trying to look forward to admittedly a very different to what I had planned future, but a future all the same, and thats kind of exciting! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I to had a brokeM engagement. Was with my ex for 10 years always thought we would be togeather after 4 years of being togeather he purposed and just after being with him for 10 years with no reason changed the locks on our house called the cops and left me on the street with no clothes no money no nothing and I ended up in jail and charged for a threat I did not make as he hid in the woods and watched me cry and get taken away. We were theN not able to ever speak or be within so many feet of one anthor. I had to get an apartment of my own and try to get on my feet with nothing. I cried a lot and never could grasp why I still loved him after what he’s done. I tryed to move on and that failed I was quite depressed but pho used on working lots and keeping myself busy. Even tryed a second time with him he wouldn’t still let me in our house or give me anything I tryed to stick it out to see if he really loved me and wanted to be with me and it just never worked out and I had to tell him I just can’t be with you and cannot be treated this way. It took me 3 years to fully get over him. I was not looking for any relationship because I didn’t feel it was fair to anthor man When my head wasn’t all there. But my new fiance has put him self way out there for me and would do anything for me and I couldnt let him get away not someone who treated me how I deServe. From time to time I still think of my ex he was my very first love. And not matter what he’s done iv accepted there will always be a tiny part of my heart that will always love him but i finally realized I’m over him and my fiancé now is the best thing to happen to me and I’m glad things worked out how they did because I wouldn’t be where I am now. My sister had also went through the same sort of situation her ex fiancé 10 years first love and ended nasty I had to sit and talk with her as she cried why did this happen to me I still love him and had to keep telling Her look at me and how I ended up. Now she’s the happiest ever and with a great man who loves her dearly and would do anything for her. So in the end things may seem bad now but it happened for a reason you will get the chance to start over and be happy and it will take some time to move on and heal But in the mean time i cannot stress how much to just keep as busy as possible. 

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA

I got engaged to my high school sweetheart. The only boy i had ever dated. He purposed after I graduated, well (lucky for me) things changed. He wasnt the same guy i dated in HS. He would get mad if i wanted to go out with friends, and wouldnt let me have my space. He wanted to be everywhere i was. VERY CLINGY. Well i called things off after dating for 4 years and being engaged for 3 months lol. And here i am 5 years later, married to the man of my dreams! Things seem bad now, but when one door closes, another opens ๐Ÿ™‚ Just take your time. Use this time to meet more people, reconnect with people you maybe lost touch with, go out, HAVE FUN! All in time, dear! *Hugs to you!*

Post # 9
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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Dross102:  im in the same situation! Fiance and I broke enagagement after 9 yrs together. My first true love and has been very challenging for me.

dear bees, pls share your success stories! Its like giving us sense of hope!

Post # 11
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
Dross102:  thanks for the uplifting words! Its slightly hard to be hopeful of future (I will definitely try!) – friends around me are slowly engaged or getting married. The emotional investment I had was more than I expected. 

At one point, I felt like a failure and lots of self guilt. After 9 years, talking about future, and he wants to be single. Whats wrong with me.

Really had to pull myslf out.Friends say he looks happier (from Facebook), I felt cheated. Im staying off Facebook for time being.

 

Post # 12
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

I totally understand how you are feeling. It’s very difficult in the beginning, but I can promise you, it does get better. Your ex did not deserve you and you will find someone better!  Just take this time to make yourself happy and better and live your life…the right guy will come along.  I dated my university sweetheart for 4 years and we were engaged for another 2 years.  During those last two years, things started to fall apart, but looking back, I think I always kind of knew they wouldn’t work out but I was always someone who would stick things out till the end and never give up on trying. He became lazy, lied to me all the time, criticized my family and friends, just basically became a jerk.  He stopped trying and he broke off our engagement, the wedding plans, and all future plans.  I was devastated and heartbroken and it took me a year to get over losing everything I had with this man, but it also paved the way for me to become a stronger and more resilient person and I was able to do things that made ME happy and find the person that was right for me.  I had wonderful friends who were very supportive and always there for me, I was starting to move up in my career, I was living on my own and independent, and I was living my own life.  Now I am married to the man of my dreams, the love of my life, my soul mate. We both have great careers, a beautiful house, nice cars, and a gorgeous baby girl…my life turned out the way I always dreamed it would.  It meant going through some hard times, but I am so much happier now than I would have been had I stayed with my ex.

You will find your happey ending too!  Don’t feel like a failure – some things just don’t work out and it’s sad it took up 9 years of your life, but you deserve so much more from someone.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Dross102:  That’s right, girl, don’t change yourself to suit someone’s selfish needs!  I’ve been there and in the end, you realize you can never change enough to make someone happy if they are miserable so why tear yourself apart doing it?  You’re great the way you are and some lucky guy will realize that and see it and love you for who you are!  It’s really hard when a relationship is over. You not only lose the guy, but you lose his family, his friends, all the good things he was associated with when the two of you were together.  But just remember that one door closes and another door opens. Definitely make yourself happy first and everything else will follow!  ๐Ÿ™‚

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