- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
How to make a long story short…
When we first met, neither of us was looking for love. We had a lot of fun together–going out, partying, staying out ’til 4 and waking up for work at 7. However, this was not “me”, so the appeal of it wore off quickly–about as quickly as our bank accounts emptied. We moved in together 5 months after we started dating under a matter of circumstance, because the place he was living was not acceptable for him and his young daughter. We hit a pretty low point in that first year, and I noticed that his drinking and smoking (legal and otherwise) were not just to ‘cool off’ after work, and that he did them more and more frequently. I assumed this was due to some stress/depression both of us were dealing with, and that it would pass. For a while he was unable to pay the rent, which ended up in me going through all of my savings (about $3k worth). We talked about it, and things got better for a little while…
…And then they came back. And we talked, and they went away… And then they came back….
And I’ve come to realize that yes, it’s great to have a man that can admit he was wrong and apologize, but it means less and less every time you hear it.
He now has a great job that is less stressful, less time-consuming and better pay than any job he has ever had, and yet I rarely see my FH sober. I’ve expressed how much this frustrates me and that he is ruining our relationship because I can’t communicate with him when he is high or drunk. He gets off work in the afternoon and stops by the liquor store on the way home, immediately hits the pipe and then starts eating. This continues until he passes out on the couch.
He is so honest, open, affectionate and sweet to me. He cooks dinner, will give me foot rubs on a whim, and we have never lied or hid anything from each other. I love him and I don’t want anyone else, but I am having a hard time because I feel like it’s at this point in our relationship that he should be ‘on his best behavior’ (for lack of a better phrase) in order for us to be walking down the aisle to our future together.
I guess I’m just at a loss. 6 months to our wedding and he has done 0 out of the 5 things that he said he wanted to do for us over the last 2 years. He hasn’t stopped smoking or drinking. He hasn’t stopped blowing money on his addictions. He doesn’t help me around the house with cleaning/laundry. He hasn’t saved a dime…. Ugh. At what point is enough, enough? Where should I go from here? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with an older man who can’t seem to leave his twenty-something mindset behind, and doesn’t seem to want to do anything to better himself.