(Closed) Love at first sight w/ LD friend (not FI??)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Only you will know the answer. My Fiance and I definitely experienced love at first sight when we met in FL on new years eve! We were both “talking/dating” to other people when we met, but instantly stopped that night and started seriously dating. We fell in love over the span on 14 days and nights together, made it through long distance, and now live together!! Only you will know girly. If your Fiance has everything you want, then why are your eyes open to this other guy? You know when you find “The Dress” they tell you to stop looking for other ones, because that will only drive you crazy. It’s kinda like that. If you think you’ve found the one, stay with him. (:

Good Luck!

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

If you are truly committed to staying with your Fiance, my personal opinion is that the best thing you could do is cut off communication with the penpal. Time and distance have a way of making feelings like that fade, in my experience.

I think you’re playing with fire if you keep talking with the penpal and stay with your Fiance. It’s not worth the risk when you already have something amazing.

Good luck! (Although I feel like I should say “Good Judgment!” or something, because this is a matter of choice and doing the right thing, not luck or fate 🙂 )

Post # 5
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Is the “potential” reward worth the risk of giving up everything you have right now? Are you willing to accept that things may not turn out in your favor? If not, stop communicating with “penpal.” I agree with PP, you are playing with fire, and I already feel that you have disrespected your Fiance in doing so. Sometimes we can’t control how we feel but we can control our actions and therefore the consequences that result.

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Kurzweil:  i agree.

 

if you really are committed to your Fiance and know that he is the one for you, i advise that you cut off contact with Penpal. put yourself in FI’s shoes – if he had a girl equivalent of Penpal, wouldn’t it upset you? wouldn’t you want him to cut off contact with her? 

i had a “first love” guy with whom i have a very complicated history with, and even though i would never want to be with him or have any kind of future with him, i still don’t trust myself to be in touch with him or to see him in person, because those feelings from the past come back in a strange way, even though i don’t feel them now. i would never want to put my relationship with my SO in jeopardy. 

Post # 7
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Firstly, if you intend to stay with your Fiance, do NOT tell this other guy how you feel. I don’t understand what you think it will achieve?

It will either make things awkward between you if he doesn’t feel the same, or he will tell you that he reciprocates your feelings (which i personally think you want to hear!) and that will inevitably lead to some level of emotional cheating..

I really think you need to see how dangerous this contact has teh potential of being.. (and this is coming from someone who has been in a similar situation). If you have made up your mind, and want to stay with your Fiance, the healthiest thing you can do is stop writing to your penpal. You dont have to make a big thing out of it by announcing it to your penpal or anything, but just dont make contacting him a priority and your crush will eventually fade. 

Why risk your relationship and the clear history you have with your Fiance, over the ‘history’ we have with this guy?

Post # 8
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Seriously, if you are commited to your Fiance you will sever ties.

To continue communication with this penpal is dangerous- and revealing your feelings for them may result in them reciprocating… and THEN what??? You would be playing with fire IMO.

My main concern is that you are saying this was love at first sight- and you never felt this way about your Fiance. Are you with the right man OP?

I wish you luck with whatever path you choose.

Post # 9
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t tell the penpal how you feel.

I know how you feel – there are 2 guys I’ve felt like this about whilst with my SO because they’re the ‘what if’ guys. The guys I had a bit of a thing for when I was younger and nothing ever happened.

Unfortunately, they became interested in me when I first started seeing my SO, and that little rush of feeling wanted is exciting and it’s completely normal to feel that way. Even when one got in touch a few years after, I still got that little ping of excitement, but I reminded myself that I was with my guy and I was never going to act upon it.

Gosh – I haven’t thought about those 2 in years! Ha, it’s funny what brings back memories.

Cut contact with him. Use the wedding as an excuse (you’re too busy etc) and let it dwindle down. You love your Fiance and you know you want to marry him. I think that shows you just how much you don’t want Penpal. If you did, him living in another country wouldn’t matter and you’d do anything to be with him.

It’ll be easier for yourself to get your little crush out of the way if you don’t speak to him. And if you need to do some perving – just google Johnny Depp and you’ll be satisfied 😉

 

Post # 10
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

@peonia:  oh my goodness, I have an ex I can’t even allow myself to think of. the relationship was toxic but the feelings were real.

i do think it’s important to remember that solid relationships are built on so much more than just feelings.

Post # 11
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lookingglass:  I was going to say something similar.

One in-person encounter of butterflies, lust, lots of laughing is not what a marriage is built on.

I know my fiance is the right one because of how we work together, love each other, support each other, and how much fun we have after years of being together. One encounter with someone else who was more “fun” would not be able to undermine that. 

Post # 12
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I vote for cutting of contact, even though I’m sure that it’s tough to sacrifice the friendship you used to have. Honestly, it’s not fair to your Fiance and it really isn’t fair to the other guy, especially if he has similar feelings about you. I agree with what a PP said that you’d be crushed if your Fiance were in your shoes. Good luck, OP!

Post # 13
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Whether you cut off communication or not is your call (I don’t think it’s something that MUST be done, but again, your call).

Whatever you do, do not confess your feelings. 1) You will have created a paper trail (i.e. and email that your fiance may find at some point. 2) If the penpal knows, he might take it as there being hope for a relationship, which may confuse or hurt him. 3) You may be subconsciously looking to get feedback to see if there IS potential for a relationship with him.

The feelings may have been a bit of nostalgia, a bit of newness, and a bit of the rush of attention. 

Post # 14
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lookingglass:  This is SO true and I wish it was more widely talked about – feelings have to be there, but you’ve got to get your brain involved at some point too!!

“i do think it’s important to remember that solid relationships are built on so much more than just feelings.”

Post # 15
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You and penpal have never faced anything in the real world- you and Fiance (hopefully) have and you have built a lifelong relationship together.  Your choice of ‘infatuation’ was a good one.

Remember how you felt when you started dating/hanging out with someone new?  That rush of feelings when everything seems new and exciting?  That’s what this sounds like.  I don’t believe in love at first sight- relationships are based on committment and love, which is something you build through communication and trust- not looks or funny stories you wrote when you were 15.

Post # 16
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One meeting says nothing. You have built up a fantasy of this guy based on a short time frame when you were both on your best behaviour. Perhaps, over the space of an evening, the reality is that he farts, picks his nose, drinks too much and makes sexist comments. In other words, you’re lusting after something that you don’t know is true.

Perhaps have a think about whether you really are happy in your current situation. Whether you are or not, I think this guy is a distraction and e mailling him about your feelings will only make it worse. As an aside, if I found my Fiance had written such an e mail to someone, I would leave him before I even waited for an explanation. So think about how important it is to say this to penpal before you send it and risk it first.

 

The topic ‘Love at first sight w/ LD friend (not FI??)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors