- 6 years ago
So, I am posting anonymously because I have a few friends who know my account information and I don’t want them to see/know about this.
Here is the story (also this is long…sorry):
When I was in 15 I studied abroad for a semester. Before I left, a boy who I was acquainted with wrote me a very sweet note. He clearly had a crush on me at that time.
Needless to say, we became penpals. We wrote to each other extensively during HS and were very close. As I became serious with my Fiance we talked less and less because I was pre-occupied with other things (clearly) and he was too.
However, my penpal came into town about a month ago. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in 10 years. I would never say I believed in love at first sight…but Bee’s…I don’t know what it was!! I haven’t laughed that much in SO long and he was clearly so intelligent, and thoughtful, and sensitive and cute too!! When we seperated, the first thing I did was call my best friend and gush. (FYI: I did not experience this with my Fiance, I would say my Fiance won me over by being so wonderful over and over again)
So, I’m NOT breaking off my wedding. I know nothing will happen with this penpal…Beyond the logistics of Penpal living in another country, I’ ve committed myself to my Fiance. My Fiance is loving, thoughtful, committed, and respectful. We have a history and he’s REALLY been there for me. That is worth more than anything.
However, it’s been a month and I STILL can’t stop thinking about Penpal. I keep fantasizing about him and the clear connection between us when we met, and the connection that he must have sensed when I was 15. I sent him a few links I thought he’d like and he wrote me a nice email today, but that is the extent to which we’ve been in touch since he left. (Also, I was super excited to open his email, more than I should have been)
On the one hand I feel like I should cut off communication with him so I can “get over him”, but on the other hand Penpal and I have such history, I feel like it would be such a shame. I also think it would be creating drama where it doesn’t need to exist, especially because he’s being really respectful of my relationship with Fiance (Although Penpal did look super sad when we said goodbye.)
I also am of half a mind to tell Penpal how I feel so I can get it off my chest and out into the open (saying: I’m engaged, nothing is going to happen, but I want you to know). But, I think that would be really disrespectful to Fiance.
I don’t know Bee’s. I know this is an extra-ordinary circumstance but has anything like this happened to anyone? Is this cold feet? What do you all think? Will this infatuation fade over time? Should I steer clear of communication or just play it cool?