Post # 17
@MightySapphire: haha- no, not speeding (i’m guilty of that!). No, I mean more like drug use. I’ve NEVER used any type of drugs, and I won’t involve myself with someone who does. I’ve known too many people that have been tossed in jail, on probation and just stoned off their a*s for most of their life. I just don’t like it.
Post # 18
OMG I could not agree with you more Suzanno! While I think marriage is forever, there are certain things that the other partner can do that render the marriage over. It does take two, and you can’t just wish that your partner was faithful!
About lying: my Fiance and I defined dishonesty as the big stuff: buying a large asset (house, car, motorcycle) without telling the other, winning the lottery without telling the other, and answering any question asked outright with a deceitful answer or omission of truths with intent to deceive (important questions, like did you have sex with her etc). I know it all sounds like legal jargon, but sitting down and talking about this stuff will really tell you a lot about your FH! My Fiance and I have chosen not to ask about our pasts. Not that we’re ashamed or afraid, it really just doesn’t matter to us. So we don’t ask, we don’t tell. For us, this works, and that’s what’s important.
Can anyone think of anything besides cheating, abuse, or lying? I’m with MagPie518 about supporting your dreams!!
Post # 19
cheating and abuse, without question
Post # 20
@MightySapphire: I’ve been reading Dr. Harley’s books for years! In fact I had personal counseling with him prior to my divorcing my xh..
I follow Dr. Harley’s advice and cannot ever say enough about the book "His Needs/Her Needs". It’s THE roadmap for love to last.
His concepts of "Love Busters" and filling up the "Love Bank" is unbelievable.
Remember when I told the story of the Encore couple? They divorced. He had followed Dr. Harleys’ advice prior to her ema (affair) to a T. Even after the divorce, he followed Dr. Harley as a single guy.
Well it turns out that my friend had been given RIGHT ON THE MONEY advice from the harleys, and she did a complete 180 degree turn around and changed. She worked on herself, ended the destructive affair, and worked her way back to her family with every ounce of strength she had and followed FOR ONCE the advice of the man who gave her husband such sound advice.
They saved their family. The Encores remarried a month ago and are planning a lovely beachside wedding this summer, which I’ll proudly attend. They are both good people, who went thru a trying time, and his wife let basically a pre midlife crisis and a bout of postpartem depression almost destroy their family forever. Now they’re still working on their marriage..but on stronger ground than ever and more in love than ever before.
I can’t say enough about Dr. Harley or about marriagebuilders, his web site. Enough food for thought for a long time.
Take it from Mighty Sapphire and from me…put your soon to be marriage on a footpath for success. KNOW what is a love buster and what is not. Learn how to not only keep your marriage great, but how to stay in love. Now all is wonderful. Hopefully it will always be, but she’s right..having boundaries at the get go will allow you to WEATHER the rough times when they do come and KNOW what to do when temptations are placed in front of you and your spouse.
Wishing everybody here a lifetime of love and a beautiful marriage and family life.
Post # 21
Btw, my deal breakers (which are different from a real love buster) are these:
lying (repeated chronic lying)
emotional abuse and or neglect
These will illicit a response from me which includes me showing him my door and him being kicked out of it.
Post # 22
Coming from a first marriage where infidelity on his part was the reason that marriage ended-cheating is #1 on the list. Since Fiance also comes from a previous marriage where there was cheating, it is #1 for him too. Any type of abuse, on any level, would also end things for me. Lying in any relationship is unacceptable, but never more so in one that involves matters of the heart.