(Closed) on a scale of 1-5 how important is affection to you?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ctobride2be:  Wow, I can’t believe I found this post while it’s still fresh. I am really sorry. I was just texting my best friend about this. I feel for you and am in the same boat. I don’t think you are over-reacting, as I think it’s normal to have that first gut reaction. 

It seems like your Fiance is the same as my SO in that they were both raised in a home where there was not a lot of outward exhibits of affection. I’ve met and been around my SO’s family, and they are very stoic. They do not get emotional with one another, tell eachother they love each other or even hug. I am very affectionate and love hugging, snuggling, hand holding and kissing. Although, he says he loves me usually every day, I still need tender physical touch on a usual basis. He strokes my hands or grabs my hands, or hugs me when I am upset & going through stressful moments, but I prefer the hand holding and such on a usual basis, not just when I am stressed out.

I think the bee’s comments/advice were really helpful. Perhaps he needs to be told *exactly*  what kinds of gestures of affection you prefer the most and is given examples. It might help writing him a letter or email so he really understands that you are feeling conflicted. Hopefully then he can try to keep this in mind when he’s with you and try to be a little more affectionate than he’s been. Some of the bees that responded said they require less affection and still try to do more than what they naturally would to appease their partners. That is awesome, and I hope after you guys talk he will up the ante some. One bee said that she gets overwhelmed by too much touch possibly due to ADHD (I also know some people with Aspergers or Autism are also like this), so maybe that’s a possibility for your Fiance (too much stimulus)??

I just started reading The Five Languages of Love, too. I am only on the first chapter but am really hoping that will help me figure things out. Soon enough I will be approaching my SO about this, too.

Good luck, and sorry that my comment is so long! Keep us posted, my fingers are crossed for you.

 

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