- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
This is my first post and I need to get something out. I’ve been officially engaged to my guy since July 27, 2013. The day before our 5 year anniversary 🙂 He did such a wonderful, amazing job and included good friends and family and made a weekend of it. I knew that it was coming but not when or where and was so surprised and excited (ugly cry ensued). He went out of his way to get me an amazing ring, with a yellow diamond like i’ve always wanted which caused him to delay his personal plans of moving into his own apartment. I’ve loved him forever and known that I would marry him since 2008. But even with all of this the finality of everything is hitting me.
It’s simple. I’m scared. I love what we have and who I am with him. We make each other better and I am def better for having in my life but marriage can alter all of that. It can change what we have. We are pretty much 90% compatiblle but the 10% that we are not is poignant and acts as a huge point of contention between us at times. We have never lived together and are currently long distance. I see him twice a month and it has been that way for roughly 70% of our relationship. I am a grad student finishing in May 2014 and I worry about him carrying the weight of most of the wedding and our living costs until I can actually get a job and contribute. I don’t want to go into debt over this but I don’t want to have a courthouse wedding either.
i have spoken to him about this slightly and sometimes he is understanding and somethimes he gets offended and tells me that I am basically screaming ‘not ready, not ready’. He says my fears are real bc many issues I worry about we haven’t experienced. But hopefully the foundation that we have built will carry us through. I just want my first wedding to be my last. And with him.
Fears: Growing apart, getting on each other’s nerves, not being able to adapt to living together, feelings of ‘missing out’ on life, just not being cut out for the whole wife thing falling out of love, I’m only 26.5 (getting married at 28) am I even mature enough to be a Mrs
Any words newlyweds, engaged bees and long timers. Thanks!