Love my bridesmaid but I don’t want her there

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My bestie is a LDS & I am not. I always invite her and tell her up front what will be happening. If she is against it she doesn’t go. If what you are doing is so horrible you can’t have her ever know, you should rethink your plan. 

Post # 17
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

On_Cloud_9 :  Tough love: if you are so scared of your Future Sister-In-Law knowing about what goes down at your bachelorette it’s probably something illegal or immoral and you probably shouldn’t be doing anyways. Prostitutes? Coke? I mean you anon here so you can tell us but I would strongly suggest not honoring a new marriage by engageing in illegal activities. 

Post # 18
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I really just want to know what the Batchlorett party consists of if she is scared about her sister in Law finding out

Post # 19
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Sounds like destination bachelorette parties are being replaced by the even more ridiculous coke and heroin parties.

Post # 20
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m sober. I would assume that bachelorette parties of people who are not would include copious amounts of drinking. How much time does she have? Now, I would go and just not drink, but early on I would have to decline. If its other substances then the above would still apply. Unless you’re worried about her narc’ing in which case that doesn’t have anything to do with her being sober. If that’s what you’re worried about then I would not invite her, but I would also not have a friendship with someone who would call the cops for that *even as someone who does not do illegal drugs.* 

If its strippers/prostitutes then this has nothing to do with her sobriety. If you think she will have moral objections then let her know and she can decide whether to attend. 

I can’t think of what else would be at your party that would be a secret. 

Post # 21
Member
2727 posts
Sugar bee

I would have a normal ish dinner first and then go out for the crazy bit after. let her know before-hand what the vibe is going to be and just be like, “you’re welcome to just come to the dinner if you don’t want to be around a bunch of waste cases – I know my friends are probably going to get crazy.” You can kind of say/imply that it’s tradition in your group of friends to get the bride sloshed and doing silly things. Then nearing the end of your nice dinner order some shots and things and she’ll probably not want to really be there for the next part anyway. 

I don’t think not inviting her would go over well. You kind of automatically included her in those things so it would be too obvious a slight not to at least extend the invitation. 

Post # 22
Hostess
4101 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I just keep checking back to see what is so bad that you’re uncomfortable having her there… 

Post # 24
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

if you arnt able to “party” and keep your behaviour in check in order to include her thats pretty sad its one night, and even with a liberated relationship your technically out celebrating your upcoming marriage I would hope you could keep from making out with a random.

Post # 25
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Would she stay away if you said you had strippers? That’s more socially acceptable and I don’t really see how those things are that different. So it would only be a kinda lie and if she’s not ok with one then maybe she won’t be ok with the other? 

Post # 26
Hostess
4101 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

On_Cloud_9 :  Oooh. That’s a hard one. She’s definitely going to judge the crap out of you for making out with a random immediately before marrying her brother (even if your Fiance would be totally fine with it!) I would say… include Future Sister-In-Law because she is in your bridal party and she deserves to be included in this event and keep your hands to yourself no matter how trashed you get.

There will be many more opportunities to make out with strangers later in your particular marriage. Why not just exercise a little restraint for one night? Will your entire party seriously be ruined if you don’t get to make out with someone? 

Post # 27
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Blame the kisses on the alcohol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Post # 28
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee

Since you have an arrangement and hooking up with others is fine but I think that maybe your bachelorette party is not the place to do it even without the SIL? Is the only issue is that you dont want her to see you make out then don’t make out, own up to your open relationship or try to talk her out of coming to the partying part by talking how much there is going to be drinking?

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