(Closed) Love my bridesmaid but I don’t want her there

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
15 posts

I would tell her ahead of time, “Hey, I just want you to know that the party may be a bit more wild than what you’re used to (specify what type of wildness the party will include). I love having you around and I’d be honored if you came, but I seriously will not be offended in the least if you prefer not to come because you don’t drink (etc.). I want you to be comfortable and if you prefer not to come, we can do a quiet night out just the two of us on another day before the wedding. What would you prefer?” Then she has two choices:

1. If she’s uncomfortable with a wild night, she can choose not to come without worrying about offending you, and she gets to spend time one-on-one with you another night.

2. If she decides to come and support you anyway, you can have whatever party you were originally planning, knowing that you warned her first.


Post # 47
42 posts
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would have a fairly tame hens night, maybe a dinner or something. Additionally, I would plan a separate girls night out on another day. You can go wild on that day.

Post # 49
2842 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Honestly I dont understand the point of having such a non traditional relationship if you aren’t going to own up to it. Like why even participate in the behavior if you are so scared to face the consequences? If this kind of behavior is in line with your personal beliefs than so be it, but don’t be flat out rude and inconsiderate towards someone else (especially someone who will be family) just because you’re too big of wuss to just own up to it. It’s shitty and it speaks a lot about your character. Plain and simple. 

Post # 50
13657 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“Yes! That’s a great approach, so just have enough day time activities, and if it ends up there have my other BMs play interference “

No it’s a tacky and immature approach. Either invite Future Sister-In-Law and keep things appropriate or don’t invite her at all. Don’t invite her and then try to manipulate her into not coming or not seeing what’s really going on. Sorry, but you can’t have it all. 

Post # 51
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

What do you plan on doing after you’re married when people see you out making out with other people? Eventually someone you know is going to see you and if you don’t feel comfortable enough with the behavior to own it, it may not be a good thing for you. I would think it would be a lot harder to do damage control after the fact rather than to be open about things from the get-go.

Post # 52
566 posts
Busy bee

If this is the way you and your Fi plan on having the relationship going forwards (semi-open) then I would tell her. You should feel comfortable with your choices if you and your partner are in it together and both agree. That way if people you know or family see you out then they wont think you are cheating or race off to tell the Fi and cause drama on their side…


Then  again.. I am a really open person so this may not suit everyone haha

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