Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
I never dreamed about my wedding day. If, I thought about a wedding I shuddered at the probable drama from family and the stress and the tears that would come from such an event. When the day came for us to marry I was completely comfortable running off to the courthouse, but we weren’t sure how and when to tell people. We thought about doing some event for friends and family, but we weren’t sure. We live on the opposite side of the country from our families and closest friends and his extended family lives on another continent, so it would have been complicated – all of which affirmed our decision to elope.
In the end we did not escape drama. Almost all of our friends and family reacted horribly to the news. They all felt deprived of the experience and made our wedding about them or questioned our choice to get married (we’d been together 5 years).
At first I didn’t care, but now 2 years later, I don’t feel so good about how my husband and I started our life together and I’m not sure what to do.
Suggestions?
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Have a vow renewal and invite all of your friends and family.
Post # 4
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
In the end it’s about you two and if eloping was want you wanted, don’t beat yourself up over it. I will say though that drama can get to us girls at the best of times, so I’m with Noritake22 here. Have a small renewal ceremony and a potluck reception or something. It’s cheaper, less drama and will get everyone off your back 🙂
Post # 5
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
I will never understand this mentality that so many people seem to have. I would like to ask them directly: “Whose wedding was this?!” It was about you guys, not them.
They need to get over themselves and realize that this is what made you happy.
Post # 6
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
I agree with PP but also want to add, weddings are expensive and who was planning to pay for it? More often than not the couple pays for the wedding these days (or at least it’s been that way with me and my friends). When someone says something about it tell them to put their money where they’re mouth is. 🙂 Maybe not exactly in that same way but you get my point.
Post # 7
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
After being engaged for 3 years and FINALLY comitting to a “wedding” I can tell you that I don’t think I will be without regret about having a big day a few years from now. It really was my concession and way to appease family…I motivate myself with foolish things like all the DIY, the dress, and food (I love food). Deep down I don’t really see how this wedding is going to solidify, change, or grow our relationship. At least not in our eyes, but certainly in the lives of others.
I can appreciate your feelings about eloping because I know we’d be in your shoes if we had done the same. But being on the other side…I doubt the grass is greener. You could consider doing a vowel renewal and celebration for family, but it most certainly won’t be for the two of you.
Its amazing how much influence our families have over us.
Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
previous poster wrote ‘doing a vowel renewal’. my minds eye suddenly imagined bride standing up with a giant cue card and saying ‘ i take ‘U’. im sure this was an autocorrect but it made me smile–
Post # 9
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
I agree you can do a vow renual and everyone can be there and feel a part of everything!!
Post # 10
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
I want to elope too- or have a very small wedding of 20. (By wedding I mean- go to the church, go out to dinner afterwards- not an actual reception) But I worry about the aftermath that you describe. And I don’t think our families or at least his would allow it at this point. So I’m stuck with a big affair that I don’t want. So I’m doing the wedding and will believe I will be full of regrets. You can’t win either way!
Anywho- you did it, it is done, and it was your day not theirs. They need to understand that. I wish I could be as strong as you were!
Post # 11
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
Even though you got married about two years ago, you’re now having regrets about the elopment…are your friends and family still giving you hassle about it ? If so, it’s probably best to ignore it. They’ll get over it – or at least, it’s something they’ll just have to learn to accept or deal with over time. If it’s your own personal regret about not having had a traditional wedding, maybe you can have a vow renewal ceremony, as someone suggested earlier. The most important thing though is that you and your husband are married now, and hopefully still happy in love. While we can’t change the past or past mistakes, we can look at the present blessings in our life.
Post # 12
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
It is about YOU and your HUBBY. Are you only feeling guilty because they’re putting pressure on you? Do a little soul searching. If having a vow-renewal party will get them off your back and restore the peace, then go for it.
Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
I can kind of understand where families come from with this. You can say a wedding is about two people, and for many people that’s true. For a lot of people, it’s about two families coming together. When you marry someone, you join their family (to many people, anyway…I can understand if someone doesn’t agree with this, it’s just a prevalent opinion). When people have babies, they picture watching their children grow up, including the wedding. It’s hard to not feel cheated when you’ve been looking forward to your child’s wedding all of your life. It’s certainly not owed to you, but the feelings are understandable.
They should never, ever handle their feelings in a way that guilts you, though. Ever. You’re married to a wonderful man. That’s fantastic! Don’t let the drama get in the way of that.
Post # 14
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
I can understand a family wishing they’d been able to help you prepare or celebrate… but honestly if it’s what made you happy, then don’t worry about the complaints. Are they STILL mad about it? What has caused you to start thinking about it again now??
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