Loving Someone Other Than Your Husband?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Well you’ve got to lose one of them. You can’t emotionally cheat forever. The sooner you choose and live with the consequences the better.

Post # 4
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You have to choose.

Personally I think you have to focus on the relationship with your husband. You married him for a reason. He has to be on the first place right now for you, and most important to you than a man that you meet at work only one year ago.So try to focus on improving your relantionship with him (make romantic dinners, making things together) and DEFINITLY FORGET THE OTHER GUY.

 

Fight for your marriage, and don’t let the other feelings come in. Do not be seduced by the new and the forbidden. Flirting with another man can be tempting, but …YOU CAN LOSE EVERYTHING.

Seriusly, marriage is not a joke.

Post # 5
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You have to choose. What you’re doing isn’t fair for your husband, especially if he’s as great a man as you claim.. Either you  make the decision to end your marriage and break the oath that you made, or you cut off ties with the work guy. You have to LITERALLY cut him out of your life.. especially if you feel that strongly about each other. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You don’t want to be “friends”. You both want more, but you’re willing to SETTLE for friendship, but it doesnt work that way.. 
You need to sit down and reevaluate your marriage. Sit down and think about the reasons you chose to marry your husband. I think it’s you and not him.. You were with him for 6 years prior to getting married. It doesnt make sense to me that you would pretend to love someone for 8 and a half years of your life. I really do think you love him, but you’re at the brink of your marriage where the flame is dying out and you need to spark it back up. Perhaps you should leave your phone at home and go on a romantic vacation. Perhaps that’ll give you the opportunity to really appreciate the man you chose to spend your life with. 
Also, I don’t mean to reference movies, but think of the 80/20 rule. If you’ve never heard of it, here’s some insight
http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/sweet-love/80-20-rule-in-relationships

I just think that perhaps this new guy is enticing to you because it’s a new person. Someone different is showing you attention and its making you feel good about yourself. But do’t forget the vows you made.. And NO, you cant be “friends”.. It doesnt work that way. You have to choose between the 2, and cut the other one out of your life completely. 

Hope I helped at least a little.. Good luck, girl 

Post # 6
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Agreed, you can’t keep both. You said you can’t imagine your life without this guy, but can you imagine your life without your husband?

Post # 7
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have a friend that went through this exact same thing a year ago.  Seriously, if her issues weren’t already resolved, I would think that this was her writing the post.

Anyway, as PP said, you have to lose one of them.  My friend kept making excuses about why she would have to talk to the other man, and although I know some of it was work related, I’m sure that she found other reasons to talk to/be with him. 

If you are really willing to try to save your marriage, you probably need to find a new job, or at least transfer to another branch/department.  I know that this is easier said than done, but with the constant temptation of your other man there (even if he travels a lot), you are never going to be able to shake your feelings for him.

My friend went to counseling alone and with her husband, but still ended up divorced. 

Post # 8
Member
4948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just think that perhaps this new guy is enticing to you because it’s a new person. Someone different is showing you attention and its making you feel good about yourself.

This is a good point. I think when you’ve been with someone for a long time, interest from an outside person can be intoxicating. Reevaluate your marriage. If you don’t want to be married anymore because there’s nothing there, that’s one thing. But don’t leave because of another person.

Post # 9
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MsHeatFan:  I just think that perhaps this new guy is enticing to you because it’s a new person. Someone different is showing you attention and its making you feel good about yourself. But do’t forget the vows you made.. And NO, you cant be “friends”.. It doesnt work that way. You have to choose between the 2, and cut the other one out of your life completely. 

This.  Please, I dont mean this as an attack – but if you put as much effort talking to your Darling Husband as you do talking with this co-worker, things might be better with your Darling Husband.

EDIT:  Please, I really hope that you can work it out with your husband.  This is serious – life forever changing stuff.

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You need to be honest with your husband, tell him you’ve been emotionally cheating on him for awhile now, it’s unfair for you to continue to do so. At this point you don’t get to choose what happens, your husband gets to decide if it’s worth working out the problems or not. 

 

Post # 11
Member
9888 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been in your shoes, once, a long time ago.  I gave both of them up, in the end. 

First, I realized that if I felt such strong emotions for another man something was seriously and deeply wrong/missing in my marriage and it was time to reassess that relationship.

Secondly, I realized that “new guy” was being unfaithful to his wife, right along with me being unfaithful (although emotionally, it is still cheating, in a sense, because the relationship excludes the spouses). 

I knew I would never be able to trust a man who could find it so easy to betray a woman’s trust.  People who are unfaithful together and then end up together have trust issues that most people don’t have to face. 

If you go to “new guy” you’ll always wonder what he’s up to on the business trips.  You’ll wonder who he’s chatting with on the computer every time he logs in.  You’ll wonder who he’s texting on the phone he took into the bathroom.  You’ll wonder if everything he says is a lie.  You’ll wonder what other woman he’s sharing his deepest, innermost thoughts and feelings with.  You’ll wonder who he’s attracted to other than you.

It’s a lose-lose.  Maybe it’s time to walk away from both of these men and get to know yourself a little better.

Post # 12
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You will NOT always feel the blissful “in love” feeling with your husband. That’s not realistic. Being friends is what gets you through the times when you don’t really feel like lovers.

As far as this other man: Don’t confuse and sacrifice “what is” with “what might be”.

You have a crush. Acknowledge that’s all it is and end it there. It’s not worth sacrificing your marriage. And the chances are extremely low that this other man would leave his wife for you. If you let this continue, you’ll almost certainly end up without either man.

You need to re-focus and concentrate on your husband.

Post # 13
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

Run. Run the other way from the friendship. Obviously go to therapy, but you need to cut that friendship out completely. Anything that causes you to be emotionally tied to someone else and not your husband is not good for your marriage.

Post # 14
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Sunfire:  +1.  This exactly.

Post # 16
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Definitely not fair to your husband in any way, shape or form, but you know that. And as much as this new guy might seem like the answer, are you sure these aren’t just the new-relationship butterflies you probably felt for your husband five years ago? Also, has he said he would leave his wife for you? When do married men ever actually leave their wives for the other woman?

 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors