(Closed) Low Self Esteem?

posted 5 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
2055 posts
Buzzing bee

@angustia:  First of all, my heart goes out to you, and I am so sorry you feel this way. It really sucks which horrible words stick with us from our past (even a flippant remark from a stranger).

My “advice” is from a layperson’s point of view, but from what I have seen, I think it’s very possible to have low self esteem separate from being confident in other areas. I think it’s all what you “attach” your self-esteem to (looks, status, intelligence, personality, etc.). 

So, my advice to you is to stop attaching your self-esteem and self-worth to something as fleeting and inconsequential as looks. This does not mean you stop taking care of yourself or living in delusional “looks don’t matter” denial-land. It means that even on your worst days, even when your hair is not cooperating, your skin looks like a 13-year-old boy’s, and you feel like a beached manatee…you still know that you are beautiful.

Let’s try a quick exercise:

  1. Close your eyes (you can skip this step :P).
  2. Think of a woman(en) that inspires you. The woman(en) you admire and look up to. The woman(en) you strive to be like in your heart of hearts. 
  3. Now think of a few reasons why she(they) inspires you.

Consider this: when you imagined this “ultimate inspiration” woman and the reasons why she is such for you, did you once think of what she looked like? Did you think to yourself that she inspires you because she has a thin figure? Do you want to be like her because she has tons of money? Or because she has five degrees?

I highly doubt it. 

The Takeaway: Often, the reason why you respect and aspire to be like certain people is because of who they are and the traits they exhibit (strength, compassion, love, selflessness, confidence, unshakeable optimism, etc.)–not what they look like/have. So, if that is what’s important to you in selecting who you admire, why would you attach so much importance to your looks?

So…if you’ve read all of this tl;dr reply, I promise I’m almost done. πŸ™‚ I commend you for wanting to build up your self-esteem, and for recognizing the areas where you need to bolster how you feel about yourself. The journey to true self-confidence is a long and arduous one (and I honestly believe it’s ~never~ truly over). It will take a lot of self-awareness, raw honest soul-searching, patience, and wisdom. I believe approaching this with open eyes is the first step, and you are already headed in the right direction! πŸ˜€

Post # 5
2055 posts
Buzzing bee

@angustia:  You’re welcome. πŸ™‚ And don’t be discouraged. As I said before, truly finding contentment with and confidence in who you are is a long journey that everyone goes through. In fact, I would venture to guess most people don’t have the self-esteem thing figured out by 24 anyway. So, you are not alone in this. I think your 20s is the perfect time to figure all of this out (speaking as a fellow mid-20s woman that still has a long way to go myself). πŸ˜€

Post # 6
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@angustia:  Think about all the love those beautiful boxers give you…they don’t care what you look like πŸ™‚

I think you have such a clear division between how you look and who you are, so you can appear confident in some aspects but feel badly about how you look. I think a lot of women struggle with this because of unrealistic expectations we set on ourselves. Everywhere we look we see female perfection in the media and so we compensate by saying, well I don’t look like her but I’m smart, athletic, etc. Your self worth can’t be tied to how you look – it’s the least important part, but unfortunately is the one everyone focuses on (because it’s what we can see).

I’ve always been the same way – I don’t think I’m pretty, even though I’m told that I am. It doesn’t matter what others think when you don’t feel it inside. It is a constant struggle and it takes work. I have a similar comment a stranger made to me that stuck with me. My mom always reminds me about all the compliments I get from strangers, so if I take an average the jerky stranger was just a douce canoe. He’s forgot about it and doesn’t let it rule his life or self perceptions so why should we?

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