(Closed) Low sex drive after marriage

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
1496 posts
Bumble bee

Why don’t you talk to him?  Don’t tell him things have changed (since he’ll deny it) but tell him you aren’t happy with the way things are now. 

Post # 3
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
honey_bunny:  I could have written this post!

If you complain to your husband about it, things might change temporarily so I suggest a two-fold approach. Frank discussion and YOU taking the lead and making the move more often. You, you, you. Put the moves on him at the right time and see what happens. Sucks but true.

Post # 4
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you try initiating sex? What happens if you do?

Post # 5
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
MrsWoods47:  she already said, he ignores her, pecks her forehead and goes to sleep.

OP I would tell him no more sex until the romance and affection is back. No sex until he is cuddling, kissing and pleasing you. And I would explain to him that you will not be his sex doll. You are more than a vagina and therefore the ban will remain until he woos you and gives you validation and pleasure. Its tit for tat. No more of this. 

Post # 6
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

As a man, I have to voice two things:

1 – I have no idea why he’s doing this without speaking with him, but maybe he subconsiously decided that married life is boring, so he’s just following what he thinks are the rules. If you listen to th eradio or TV, married life is constantly depicted as a loveless, sexless, boring, monotonous institution where the woman is always mad at the man, and all the man wants to do is watch or play sports to get away from her. It’s terrible, but perhaps he’s just doing what he thinks is “normal.” 

Talk to him about it…. which leads me to #2

2 – If you want to withold sex, you have to make it a challenge, not a punishment. If you explain that “the ban will reamin until he woos you” etc. you will flip all the stubborn, bull-headed, competitive switches installed in us men. He will shut his tap off TO YOU. He’ll get it somewhere else if he has to.

It’s terrible, but it happens. If you make it a playful challenge, he’ll WANT to step up and be the man you want. If you tell him the tap is off until he improves, he’ll shut off to you… and you’ll end up in the “He cheated on me” forum. 

The bottom line is speak with him about your needs. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you like it when he (_________ fill in the blank). Tell him you want him to (…….) until you’re both sweaty and exhausted. Turn him on and challenge him playfully to show you he’s not one of “those lame husbands.” 

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Sounds like he is in a rut. Which isnt bad.

You just need a jump start the game a bit. Give him something to chase (you!). Be playful, flirtatious….but just out of reach (busy!). Watch him run around trying to catch you. I bet that wakes him up.

 

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